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Your butt will rot!
That’s what happened to Uncle Amos. He didn’t want to eat his vegetables and his butt just rotted right off. That’s why you’ve never met him. He’s dead now because you can’t live without a butt.
All parents lie to their kids. My dad use to tell stories of Uncle Amos and his unfortunate bum. He really wanted us to eat our veggies so he would gross us out in the process. Thanks dad.
Do you remember any lies your parents told you?
My dad told me I could be anything I wanted to be. What a load of shit.
No son I didn't gamble away all the food money, now eat your cotton candy. *dad hands little c.c some attic insulation.*
When I was little my dad used to see a hot woman and say, "i'd like to eat her!" and then he said he was a cannibal.
Don't be a grouch. Would you prefer it if I pretended to not know it was normal to lie to children. Or maybe I could have made a list of stupid lies for people to choose from. Heaven forbid people use their brain to answer an open ended question.
Now quit your bitchin or I will smack you with a dead fish!
I don't think my parents ever lied to me, but I remember asking my mom if Santa Claus and the Easter bunny could read my thoughts and she said yes, which freaked me out and made me very paranoid because I have horrible thoughts that even I didn't want to know about
I got told: that I would turn into a potato because I loved to eat French fries. I got told that I would turn orange from eating so many carrots.
My mom and aunt told me if I didn't let them my splinters out, I would turn into a tree. I cried and always freaked out when I got splinters after that.
Well there were the obvious lies about santa and the tooth fairy but a few others like I hated fish and my Dad would tell me some fish are chicken and I was like ooh okay, I'll totes eat the chicken of the sea!! Lmao. He just wanted me to eat fish, pff.
I forgot she said that! I remember the buffalo quote though. Similar, yeah haha but only I was 5 and not a grown woman so I was just new to the world and she was just from another planet.
Just watched the chicken of the sea clip on YT and honestly, don't think I ever saw that before haha. I think that was fake though or at least she always tried to act more dumb just for ratings. I hope so anyway...
I used to know this awful, little rodent of a woman, she had an ileostomy and her asshole was literally sewn shut. I'm glad to say I never saw her boarded up back door.
This poor wretched girl would get grossed out when I would say things like, "so and so can kiss my fat, hairy, white ass", but would think nothing of going on and on about her poo bag and how sometimes it leaks. A so called mutual friend told me that this chick one day for no apparent reason showed her that notorious sewn up butthole.
I'm glad I don't know these people anymore. This ain't no lie, it's a true story.
My parents told me the floating dandelion seeds were faeries and encouraged me to talk to them and make wishes.
My parents would leave micromachines under my pillow as gifts from the dandelion faeries.
Lol, my father use to tell me that if I ate the seeds from corn, that corn stalks would grow out of my ears. I was 5 when he use to tell me that.
My father told me if I masturbate too much I will grow hair in the palms of my hands, liar, liar I have been masturbating for 50 years and still no hair!
Santa :'(
SANTA! WHY WHY WHY.
I didn't like being a kid anymore after I found out there is no huge fat guy in a red suit who comes down your chimney and is magical, and has flying horses.
Meh </3
Oooh! and crust makes your hair curl ;)
sitting too close to the tv would give me square eyes
they also used to say night night sleep tight don't let the beg bugs bite
to which I always thought, how am I going to stop them from biting if I'm sleeping tight?
I actually got bed bugs once when staying at a youth hostel in Venice. Horrible experience.
My mother said that even though I have crooked nasty teeth and facial scars, I could get any girl if I had enough "confidence". What bullshit. I didn't get laid until my mid-twenties when I visited the brothels of Pahrump, Nevada.
My friends say that renting women is cheaper than dating, anyway.
A monster would eat my toes if I don't cover them up.
I could do cartwheels by cutting my hair.
I would turn green if I ate green colored cupcakes.
If I wouldn't stop complaining while going clothes shopping, the mannequins would get me.
Santa is able to squish in all of his reindeer from the chimney, too.
My tooth fairy is a boy who gives more money.
The air vent sucks in small children.