Wrapping my kids in cellophane

As a busy mother I'm always looking for new ways to make my life just a bit easier. It was a while back that I came up with the idea of wrapping my kids (4 and 5) in cellophane.

This originally started as an effective measure against the cold Oppland winters, which is highly effective and is still the most practical usage overall. I'll simply wrap them up (legs together, arms in) and throw them in bed. As you can probably predict, the only issue with this is one relating to the bathroom -- although I've been able to greatly mitigate this with the simple "no cocoa past 7" rule.

If it's especially cold I'll wrap up their little heads as well. Fortunately, I DO usually remember to create breathing holes. I'm not an idiot.

I've since discovered many benefits of kid-wrapping. Not only does it keep them warm throughout the night but dry as well, and what I also consider a big plus is that it makes my young ones compact and portable, which was a great asset when we were preparing to move from the country to the suburbs. While loading the truck with my brother Erik, my kids were a consistent nuisance; finally I just wrapped both of them up and, amidst their protests, threw them in the back of the truck with the rest of my belongings. Made things a lot easier.

Now, although I hate to admit it, I'll occasionally find myself wrapping one or both of them if I'm a little too stressed and I lose my patience. From there I'll just lean them against the corner like a couple of old rugs and continue going about my duties.

I think what's especially interesting is that my oldest has obtained anonymous fame after being spotted one night, and is actually now an iconic figure in Norwegian folklore known as the Hundorp Mummy.

Voting Results
17% Normal
Based on 70 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 60 )
  • What'sMyName?

    Better than raping your kids in Cellophane.

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  • Jeaneathean

    I have seen a medieval painting of a family scene indoors. A baby was wrapped up in, er, swaddling and hung up on a hook on the wall. Kept it safe and out of mischief I suppose.

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  • imadragon

    Are your children actual people or are they statues?

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  • handsignals

    I think that's child abuse...

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  • EccentricWeird

    Hi, True. This is a great story. It made me proud. I remember when I was allowed to post stories. I miss those days. They were good days. And that Norwegian guy commenting here is a real doofus.

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    • Avant-Garde

      Why can't you post stories?

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      • EccentricWeird

        I trolled the moderators for SEVEN YEARS and they got sick of my shit it seems.

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        • RomeoDeMontague

          I did not realize they could stop a person from posting on this website.

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  • CRuNKShaNK

    So, tell me more about how your childhood. - Physcologist

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  • myboyfriendsbitch

    I'm glad to see that you're one of few parents who is taking a stand and fighting against the norms of society. This generation may judge you, but future parents will love you. Everyone should feel free to raise their children the way they think best. Fuck the soccer mom life! Down with the man! I teach my kid to cuss, drink bear and graffiti city buildings! Kudos, Madame.

    P.s. Have you tried shrink wrapping them with a hair dryer?

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    • charli.m

      Drink bear - that is awesome :D

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      • EccentricWeird

        Wanna drink some snake?

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        • charli.m

          Shoo, little boy.

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  • KingRabbit

    You are a special kind of stupid.

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  • Sog

    3/10. Most of those points were awarded for effort.

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    • Exactly what were you expecting?

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  • Therawyn

    I'm from Norway, too, and I've never heard of this Mummy phenomenon you're describing.

    I think that the idea is good, I'd probably do it, too, if I had children. Luckily, I have yet to become pregnant. All the reasons you describe here are reasons I don't want children. Noise, mess, high maintenance, etc. But I'm glad you've found a strategy that works for you.
    But please, when you wrap them, be careful when you throw them in bed or into the back of a truck. The cellophane might keep them warm, but it doesn't protect them from injuries.

    I must ask you though, how are the children reacting to this "treatment"? Do they dislike it? Do they protest?

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    • EccentricWeird

      A white woman who doesn't want to have children? Wow, you're so chic and hip. Go extinct then you asshole.

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      • ♫Diamonds♫

        A single person choosing not to have a child is related to the extinction of the human race how?

        Also, clearly this person wouldn't make the best mother at a point in her life where she doesn't want kids. Why would you want someone who isn't going to be in a position to provide a loving, supportive home to have a kid, anyway?

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        • charli.m

          Because, this particular specimen sees women and children as objects for him to obtain, the former only required to create the latter and the latter required as a symbol of status or something.

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          • EccentricWeird

            Here's a damaged specimin who believes that anything to do with facts of basic human biology is objectifying and a civil rights crisis.

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      • Therawyn

        You ignorant, little person.
        Hip and chic? I don't want them because I don't like children, not because I want to be "hip".

        Besides, for the sake of the world, there are many reasons not to have children. Overpopulation is one of the biggest ones. There are enough people in the world now, why do you think China only allows one child per person, you know.

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        • EccentricWeird

          If there are too many people already, why does the EU and Norway need persistent mass immigration? If you can't be bothered to have your own children, your government will just have to replace them with African and Arab children. If that seems sustainable and positive for Norway, well, it was nice knowing you people. Too bad your generation will be the last after 40000 years of european settlement by early man. There's a difference between population stability (2 children per couple) and just plain apathetic extinction.

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          • Therawyn

            Need? You think we need a fuckton of immigrants? No. They take them in because of status, not because it's needed. Luckily, the NEW government wants to restrict the hell out of immigration laws.

            And as far as I go, it makes no difference to the government whether I have children. They'll still take them in. Hell, they'd take them in even if every family here had 5 children each.

            Go to Norway and live here for 30 years, THEN you get to have an opinion of our politics. :)

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            • EccentricWeird

              I just don't want to see you people go :'(

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  • Terence_the_viking

    wOAH.

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    • EccentricWeird

      yOU'RE USING THE CAPS LOCK ALL WRONG.

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      • Terence_the_viking

        Yep sO Is YoUr MUM.

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        • RomeoDeMontague

          Random popcorn style

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  • squirrelgirl

    In this day and age, everything has to be portable and convenient. We've reached a point where obviously this must apply to our children as well. Wrap cellophane around their mouths, because children should be seen and not heard. ;)

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  • Avant-Garde

    Maybe, we should wrap you up and give you a nice slap a the bottom? ;)

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    • EccentricWeird

      I'll have one too, paisana.

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      • Avant-Garde

        Alright, bend over!

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        • EccentricWeird

          I've been bending over since yesterday :D

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    • Perhaps you should consider not being so generally provocative; I find myself far too often replying to your comments in particular, which makes me feel somewhat like a stalker.

      Okay, you can spank me now.

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      • Avant-Garde

        1 year and 3 months too late without a spanking! Quick, bend over so I can make up for the lost time!

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  • SkullsNRoses

    Only 17%? What's wrong with you guys? I call this good, practical parenting.

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  • LovelyMay

    Great idea. But it wouldn't work if I were your kid. I would scream my head off!!! I...would..SUFFOCATE!!!

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  • StrawberryTurtle

    well, im not saying its bad,just saying it isnt normal.

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  • ㅤㅤㅤ

    OH MY GOD I CSNT STOP LAUGHING

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    • Am I the only one who can't see your username? Where is your username?!

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      • Avant-Garde

        It looks like three pairs of eyes. When you hover your mouse over his name, it looks like a roll of film with a heart in it.

        http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Claude-Frollo-Witchcraft-Reaction-Gif-In-The-Hunchback-Of-Notre-Dame.gif

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      • thesugarbitch

        I can see it.

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  • thegypsysailor

    I know a lady that does the same thing to her kids and her pets.
    She has the cleanest home I've ever seen, except the closet she keeps them all in during the day. The kids have learned not to complain after she set one alight for talking back to her; boy, I never knew Saran wrap burned THAT fast!
    It is the perfect solution to unruly kids and pets and they can be unwrapped just before Daddy gets home. They look so fresh and clean, nary a wrinkle in their clothes.

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  • rollling pins bounce and then theyre skittles

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  • AbnormallyAwesome

    Troll?
    If you are then it's kind of funny.
    If not...
    oh please, just tell me you're a troll.

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    • EccentricWeird

      AbnormallyGullible

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      • AbnormallyAwesome

        Ahh, go fuck yourself

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        • EccentricWeird

          AbnormallyHurtful :(

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          • AbnormallyAwesome

            Aww... I didn't mean it. How could I ever want to hurt my favourite little weirdo.

            *gently wipes tears away*
            *hands candy*

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            • EccentricWeird

              I don't need your fucking charity!!!

              *storms off with candy in mouth*

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    • KIND OF funny?!?!

      I am disappoint.

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    • Avant-Garde

      It is.

      Herd your goats so we can get it from underneath the bridge.

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  • Gamzeee

    You could always turn on the heat and get them warm clothes....

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    • Avant-Garde

      Heat costs money.

      Heavy clothes clothes can come from wool which cost money. You know how expensive those European Hand knitted traditional sweaters are?!

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      • Gamzeee

        Shouldn't of had kids if you didn't have to money to support them.

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