Would you stay with a “perfect” s/o if they were on substance?

9 Comments

My boyfriend is an alcoholic who takes pain killers while drinking, he’s 27.
He’s the absolute love of my life and means so much to me, he supports and protects me like a castle and has the kindest heart in the world, but just can’t stay sober. He has a beautiful personality “sober” and drunk/high, he comes off a little sedated and dazed but functions like any other person would. He’s held a steady job for the entirety since graduating college and has a clean criminal record.
He drinks only at home, but does take pills as soon as he wakes up. Probably the worst of it is how exhausted his body is and how much he sleeps. He can sleep around 14 hours a day on top of a regular 9-5.
I’ve put up with it so long because he really is a great partner and his drinking/pills hasn’t really had any effect on our relationship.
I never questioned staying with him until the day I went to his apartment without warning and couldn’t open the front door because he was blacked out behind it, and that sunk my heart like a rock. I don’t visit unannounced anymore. Some days he’s so exhausted his body is shaking to keep himself standing, and some days he over does the pills and he’s like an empty shell in the room.

Yes 4
Other 3
No 16
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Comments ( 9 )
  • JD777
    5 years ago

    Been there, done that. My ex was hooked on alcohol and pain killers. No, she didn’t have pain, just kept taking them after she had long recovered from a broken bone. Then she found ways to get a steady supply of them. I tried to help her, but that’s WAY harder than you’ll ever imagine. We had an awesome marriage for 7 years before that, then this ended up ruining our lives and scarring our kids. If I’d have known this was her deal before marrying her, I’d have NEVER married her.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Sorry to say this is a toxic relationship and he needs rehab my son is a recovering heroin addict and is always one high way from self destruction or death. He has to want to get help or get out never enable them it only leads to heart ache

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  • Ellenna
    5 years ago

    The addiction will always be the most important thing in his life, that's how addiction works. Is that what you want?

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    Is there any history of substance abuse in your family of origin? My second ex-husband drank way too much, and did nothing but play video games while he was unemployed, so I left him, and got a divorce after three months. I have almost no patience for that bullshit to tell you the truth. No one in my family abuses drugs or alcohol so honestly he disgusted me, and his particular set of family of origin issues was just too foriegn and unacceptable to me.

    You're free to do whatever you want to do, but me personally I have very little patience for that sort of thing with a partner. I just made up my mind that life is too short to waste with someone like him.

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  • barefoot_on_the_sand
    5 years ago

    It will only get worse. I would try to help him get clean or leave.

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    • RoseIsabella
      5 years ago

      Spot on!

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  • paracetamol
    5 years ago

    Mixing pain pills with alcohol = dying like a rockstar.
    These pills and alcohol exacerbate the toxicity of each other, fatal respiratory depression can ensue, and he could stop breathing.

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  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    Might be ultimatum time. If he really loves you he'll fight the addiction. Not saying it will be easy and there won't be any relapses, but if he's as great as you say he is then he will fight it for the sake of your relationship.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    https://al-anon.org/

    https://www.nar-anon.org/

    http://coda.org/

    Please check the above links that I have provided for you.

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