Would you say i have some sort of mental illness?

I’m 20 years old now and I spend a lot of time alone. I’m in my house almost 24/7. I don’t have a job, I’m too scared to drive, and I don’t have any friends. I’m sometimes reluctant to even leave my room, but ever since we got a dog I have to look after him, and to be frank he’s done me a lot more harm than good. I spend most days sleeping, and most nights thinking about life and death and all sorts of uncomfortable subjects.

I don’t feel that close to most of my family members. I don’t interact with them much, mainly because they’re gone most of the time. Being the youngest I feel like I’m always bottom priority, and I’m scared to bring up any problems because I fear I’ll get made fun of or yelled at (mostly by my sisters, my mom is sympathetic, but she doesn’t quite understand how my mind works).

I know it’s probably not a fair comparison, but I often hear people say how prisoners have a lot of time to think, and while my conditions are nowhere near that bad, I know what it’s like to feel trapped in an enclosed space with nothing to do but think, and to do the exact same things over and over again with little to no change. In fact, there’s been times where I wished I could be in prison, since at least then you get free food and healthcare. I’m THAT scared of being independent!

Sometimes I blame my mom. I know she has the best intentions, but she never really pushed me to try anything, and just sort of let me be lazy. She also has a very pessimistic personality, and sometimes I just wish I’d never been born. Not just for my sake but hers as well, she clearly hates being a parent, regardless of what she tells me.

I sometimes feel like I can do better, but it just seems so unrealistic. I sometimes wonder “why even try? This is about as easy it can get. It might just be simpler to stay home and never live on my own. I’ll probably never be able to anyway.”

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 5 )
  • DIO

    What you have is called depression.

    What you can do if you want to get out of this situation:
    First, find something (safe) you really like; it can be anything from a TV show, video games, a sport, a manga, cooking etc. Then find online people with the same interest.
    Talk to them. Once you get along with some of them, meet the closest to your area.
    The only way of getting out is getting out.
    You can also try to find a job you like just to give you a little income.

    Don't blame your mom. Don't even blame yourself. Do something. You can do something now. In 20 years it will be too late.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • RoseIsabella

    You probably need to be in therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety issues, agoraphobia, and particularly social anxiety. I would also tend to think that you are quite depressed.

    This probably won't help, but it might make you feel better if you were comfortable enough to tell your bitch sisters to fuck off when they yell at you. Then again they might be explosive screeching harpies. Perhaps there's a way to ignore them, and learn to let their cackling voices roll away like water off a duck's back?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Tittywhacker2469

    You might have agoraphobia, that's what it sounds like. You might want to look into therapy, and you'll also have to really think about your justification to why you just stay home. Yes, it's easier, but is it fulfilling? Are you doing what you really want to do with your life? It's not unrealistic, but you're overthinking it and it sounds like you're letting intrusive, negative thoughts run wild.

    Also, this isn't what you're going to want to hear but this isn't your mom's fault. You can't put the blame on other people. You have to want to get better yourself before being able to go out and make progress on this.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • bronte17

    You're very depressed. I used to have similar thoughts and anxieties, but it passed with time and therapy. There's nothing wrong with talking to someone about your issues, especially a stranger or someone who will take the time to listen, but knows nothing about you at all.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Nednerb43

    Idk dude. When was the last time you got laid ?

    Comment Hidden ( show )