Would you leave your bf/gf if you found out they cut themselves?

36 Comments

Today me and my friend were talking about people who are self=mutilators or "cutters" after we saw a movie in which a guy did it. We started talking about what we would do if our boyfriends cut themselves. I said I would support him and try to help him, but she said she would leave him. So, what would you do?

I would leave them- I am female 13
I would leave them- I am male 18
I would stay with them- I am female 48
I would stay with them- I am male 47
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Comments ( 36 )
  • dom180
    12 years ago | pl

    Of course not. I wouldn't even consider leaving. What sort of person would leave someone because they had a major problem? That would make you an awful human being.

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  • DolphinAngel
    12 years ago

    Oh hell no... That would be heartless knowing that she even would get more depressed!

    I would rather help her to stop cutting herself and help her getting over her problems!

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  • DiscoDuck
    12 years ago

    Helping them only leads to a dependant and co-dependant relationship. They can use it to manipulate you and keep you so you will never leave.

    Bottom line - Do not try to fix broken people.

    If they need help give them the number to the appropriate help line with professionals. Then move on quickly!

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      So do not try to fix broken people but give them a number to a helpline?

      I so see the logic there... >.>

      FYI, I used to cut myself but I was never broken.

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      • DiscoDuck
        12 years ago

        People with psychological problems that interfere with normal functioning are "Broken" and need psychological help.

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        • [Old Memory]
          12 years ago

          You implied it was usless to attempt to help a person. If my family had walked away from me and not helped me, I would be dead and that's even with having professional help as well.

          I am not broken, was not broken and don't appreciate you telling me, what I am/was or aren't/wasn't.

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          • DiscoDuck
            12 years ago

            You said that if your family had walked away from you....

            If nothing else your glasses must be broken if you can not read the title of this topic. It clearly says BF/GF...boy friends and girl friends do not have any obligation to help anyone they are in a relationship with.

            If my GF had a problem and would end up dead if I did not choose to help her with that problem. Then so be it, its not my responsibility and I won't go through any kind of guilt trip for not helping her.

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            • Gena45
              12 years ago | pl

              Wow, you are a sad excuse for a human being.

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            • [Old Memory]
              12 years ago

              So now, you're resorting to even more personal insults? Aren't you just a nice piece of work?

              And you quite obviously don't know what it means to love someone you are in a relationship with considering they may actually become your family one day.

              You must have little to no emotions whatsoever. And if it's personal insults, you wish to lower yourself to, allow me to join in because you are a cold hearted fucked up bastard. You're the one that's broken.

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C_oNMH0GTk&ob=av2e

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    • taciturn
      12 years ago

      I can agree with this. It's the hero syndrome. I don't know if I would necessarily leave someone outright if I knew they were depressed or had some sort of psychological condition, but I've certainly been in the position of the pseudo-savior and it usually doesn't work out well. I'd refer them to a professional and help them get through that.

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      • DiscoDuck
        12 years ago

        This is so classic.

        Person A is on drugs, depressed, a cutter, etc. and person B feels sorry for them and commits them self to "Help" person A.

        First of all, this IS a problem that has psychological "roots". So if you are not qualified don't sign up!

        Second of all, its IS a co-dependent relationship. If you don't know what co-dependency is Google it, you will learn that its not a healthy relationship to be in amongst other things.

        Third it will eventually bring on guilt and frustrations along with undue stress to the person doing the "fixing". And it will open the door to manipulation to the one being fixed, which they will undoubtedly take.

        Finally, this is without doubt one of the first mistakes people make during young adult-hood. The need to belong, be worthwhile, be loved and matter to someone over powers reason and self worth. Many times they fall for the trap and end up marrying the "broken" person.

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        • [Old Memory]
          12 years ago

          In all honesty reading over the whole discussion is really an eye opening experience. Disco Duck, while lacking some in compassion is almost certainly correct in their overall evaluation of what to do/not do. You cant love someone and they cant love in turn without first loving themselves. If you dont love yourself other lives wont have as much meaning no matter how much you have convinced yourself of their importance. I know suffering from clinical depression (without cutting). Someone who is "broken", in all the ways a person can be broken, is not something easily fixed or forgot about. Many times even professional help doesnt put a dent in anything if the issues and problems are deep seated in childhood (sexual abuse for example). But professional help is the ONLY thing that can help, not some silly relationship or exchanging sweet nothings. People in America and other developed countries really live charmed lives, I know I live one myself compared to what people in Africa and Haiti experience. If I had to fight crocodiles for drinking water I dont really think I would be looking forward to my future very much.

          No matter what anyone says or thinks, their actions will always be for self preservation. You arent self preserving yourself by hooking your future to someone who has such strong emotional issues their own life doesnt matter to them.

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        • taciturn
          12 years ago

          Uh... did you read what I wrote? I was completely agreeing with you.

          Read again.

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          • DiscoDuck
            12 years ago

            I wasn't debating you....I was just elaborating more.

            My post was not intended to argue or go against what you wrote. I say that you agreed in the first line. I was just elaborating more on the subject.

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  • jessicatdg1rl
    9 years ago

    I just love how heartless and troll-like most of you people are.
    I have had friends who cut, and it isn't a laughing matter.
    Even I have had problems with it.
    You CAN help. Sure, it might be a "burden" or whatever (in your minds), but you could be the one to help them. If they use it to get at you, then that's stupid. But the people who need help don't talk about it. They try to hide it.
    And if you break up with them, and tell them the reason is their cutting... You might end up going to their funeral pretty soon.
    You are acting like you can't stay with them AND get them professional help.
    Having people to talk to can be really helpful. Especially if one of them is out in the "real world" and not a doctor's/psychiatrist's office.

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  • YumInsanity
    11 years ago

    Omg, I'd finally have someone to cut myself with, sign me up

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I Would leave after checking them into the nut house.
    no offence to any person but i would not stand by and watch someone hurt themselves i loved.

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  • underager
    12 years ago

    Only a professional therapist could help them.
    They'd need to show they are serious about getting help.

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  • GingerRaine
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't leave them! They probably have emotional issues, and just need someone to be there for them.

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  • Angel1430
    12 years ago

    if he was that stupid than yes i would leave

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone. I can be a friend still. Help them out. I know that sounds lame and familiar after reading all these comments, but some "cutters" aren't always looking for a way to change. So basically their partner would have to put up with it for the rest of the time they're together.

    I'm tired of people saying they would stay because they don't want the person to feel bad. Since when are we all abligated to dedicate our lives to supporting everyone that comes accross our path with issues. Besides it doesn't help the person with the issue because then they just become dependent on someone else and and the issue is never really fixed, just temporarily ignored.

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  • lukeeyy
    12 years ago

    you cant leave somecause they cut them selves theres obvs a reason they do it and you need to help them with there situation

    leavingthem will make them cut more.

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  • toucans
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't leave, but I wouldn't do much to help either. I'd take them to see a doctor ifbit came to it. I wouldn't listen if the ever decided to call me up crying, or if they tried to guilt me, I can't be guilted easily. I would probably let them sort it out on their own, but I would be there to hold their hand and tell them that someone loves them and that they're not alone. I don't know. I think the phrase, I can't help you if you don't help yourself, works quite nicely for this situation, no?

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  • Charmo
    12 years ago

    Of course not, it would mean we have something in common! :)

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  • Ihadtomakeyetanotheraccountffs
    12 years ago

    Depends how bad it is I guess. I wouldn't outright leave them if they did it, but perhaps at some point it'd be better to get them help and leave them.

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  • Darkoil
    12 years ago

    I helped an ex get over cutting herself when we first started going out.

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  • Dot123
    12 years ago

    I love women that would let me cut them and make them bleed, so I could drink it! I love blood.

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