Would you break up with him?

20 Comments

My bf and I have been together for nearly a year. I have two problems.
Before we got together in oct 2013, he told me that by his 21st bday in july, he would like to; get his license, car, save money to travel.

Never in my wildest dreams would have thought that when he quit his job in feb this year, he would not get another one. It's been 7-8 months and he is STILL unemployed, and worst part is, he isn't even looking despite him saying that he will get one soon.
He does not work, he does not study. All he does is play games (dota 2), sleep and eat. nothing else. He has used up all his savings, he has $0 to his name. If we want to hang, even just for a movie and lunch, he has to borrow money from his mum (I pay for myself though).

His sleeping pattern is also wack. Two week it's normal: sleeps at 11pm-1am, wakes up 7-8am. other two week it's sleeps at 6-7AM, wakes up at 4-5pm. He stays up playing games and watching movies im guessing, ive never asked.
sometimes even wakes up at 6pm. Yesterday he slept at 1PM, woke up at 11PM and I had no idea, I thought he was ignoring me. Would this pattern bother you?? would it bother you that your partner stays up till 7am playing games? It annoys me heaps. He could be looking for jobs but instead he does this.

I know deep down that I should break up with him. But I love him, he's a great guy but he has no sense of responsibility. Everything would be fixed if he just got a job. There will be a routine and his pattern would be fixed.

yes 34
no 11
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Comments ( 20 )
  • Shroot
    9 years ago

    Solution:

    No sex until he gets a job

    He'll be employed within a month

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  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    He may be depressed. Id ask him to see a doctor and get checked out.
    If not, he may be lazy which isn't a great trait(Im lazy but I still work) however, most people go through at least one period of low activity. Talk candidly with him and tell him youre concerned hes losing valuable time. Encourage him to get a job...if things work out as you think they will,(job= problem solved) then that would be great.

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  • mrkrule
    9 years ago

    If he is not willing to put in the work to improve his life, even after you have offered to help, then he is really just holding you back and you should probably end it. It's ultimately your call, if it was a more casual relationship I could understand putting up with it but you say you love him and it must be really hard to be with someone who is wasting their life. At the very least you should talk about this with him and make it clear that you're not going to stick around with someone who refuses to get his shit together, maybe that will be a wake up call, maybe it won't, but either way it's better than accepting the status quo.

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    He is under 21? Tell him to get a job or start doing something at least. Get him into the local.community college or university. Maybe he just needs some guidance. Just give him options and stuff. Don't force him with ultimatums or threats. Tell him he needs to contribute more to the relationship than just his cock Lol. Keep in mind, this is all probably a phase. Maybe a long one. But responsibility is a big ass pendulum, the harder u push it away the longer u might b with out it but the harder its gonna come swinging back at you.

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  • kelili
    9 years ago

    I think that for your own good you must quit. You must love yourself better than you love anyone else and you can clearly see that there is no future in him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Seems pretty normal but tell him he has to figure out his income and you are not willing to support him.

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  • Spankz
    9 years ago

    OP, do you and your boyfriend talk frequently about your feelings? Does he know what you aren't satisfied with his unemployment? Do you even know his side of the story? I think you and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk this all out. He very well may depressed and you are overlooking it. Maybe there are some things in his mind that need clearing and you can be the support team that he needs. Communication is key.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yes we do talk, as hard as it can be sometimes because everytime I bring up something jib related, he shuts off.
      I have asked him why he won't get one about 4-5 months ago. His reply was I just want to enjoy not having a job. He wanted to get into the army, main reason he stayed unemployed, but he got rejected 3 months ago.
      I will look more in to depression thanks

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  • anti-hero
    9 years ago

    Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't do better then leave him.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    When I was 21, I was working 40+ hours a week, studying 14+ units and living on my own. I'm 22 now and doing the same thing. I don't get with people who I can't see a future with and I can't see myself having a future with someone who lacks the skills and drive to be independent and the work ethic to make that happen.

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    • [Old Memory]
      9 years ago

      Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow...Hold on. You're twenty two?...I always assumed you were in your late twenties. Mind = Blown.

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  • disthing
    9 years ago

    It would bother me, but I don't know if I'd break up with someone because of it. It would depend on how it adversely it affected our relationship.

    If I was depending upon that person in some way, for example if we were splitting bills or saving up for a house or to travel together or something, then that would matter a lot more.

    If I wasn't depending upon that person for anything except the reciprocation of my love and affection, I could cope with it much better.

    But there is something unattractive about a lack of independence and ambition at the age of 21. Who wants to rely on their parents for hand-outs at that age just to go out for the occasional meal or movie?

    It would be good to discuss this with him, express how much it matters to you to be with someone able to stand on their own two feet; it might be the wake-up call he needs to get his act together - or not. But at least then you know what matters most to him.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Sounds as if he would go back into the womb if he could. I don't know why he is withdrawing from life, but if I were you, it would bug me too.
    It might do him some good if you left him, he might come around, but of course there's no guaranty.I think you have got to put yourself first, in this case and do what's best for you. I just don't see watching someone you care for regressing to child like behavior. I would get out and move on.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    So, your being with him was based on his employment primarily...? Why not try help him through it like couples are supposed to do first?

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    • charli.m
      9 years ago

      You should have just left it at second sentence. The first seems to have been pulled out of your arse.

      No, I was not the person who thumbed you down.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Why? If her initial response to him ending up this way was "dump him" rather than "Help him" then she is putting his lack of money as an issue before his lack of motivation...So it's completely reasonable to assume she would not be with him if he was not earning money in the first place if him losing money brings out the "dump him" before the "help him" response.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          If I had put money first then I would've ended it months ago and would not be here.
          The only reason money is a problem is because we can't do anything anymore. Not sure about other people, but I don't like staying home all day watching TV. I like to go out to eat (not fancy), do something nice with our time. We cook at home sometimes so that;s not everytime, but now and again.
          If I can afford it, I will pay for both of us but I can't afford it every single time.
          Basically we can't do any 'couple things' like we used to be able to.

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          • ScooterNyne
            9 years ago

            Im gonna have to agree with ItDuz on this one. @OP, your post is based entirely around the idea that he has no money or job, you don't do things anymore, time to leave him. You sound very selfish in your post and completely oblivious to a possible internal struggle with your partner.

            As a man who is now 20, and has grown up with other male friends my age, I can tell you that it isn't normal for a man to quit his job and not seek more work or some kind of income. And more often than not it's lack of motivation from depression. And i've been down that road myself. And you're not "helping" him or anything by fixing his resume or bookmarking jobs. help him mentally and emotionally. figure out whats causing his behavior.

            To be honest the post should have read, "would you break up with me?" Because you sound rather inconsiderate. But in the end I hope you guys figure out what needs to be done and move on happily.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I have tried to help him.
      I fixed up his resume because it was really bad.
      I've even looked up jobs up FOR HIM. All he had to do was click on the link and apply. But he won't so I stopped looking for him.

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  • Crusades_
    9 years ago

    You could easily solve his problem by letting him be your Pimp.

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