Women: do you prefer your men to "take charge?"

13 Comments

Here's the thing, girls. I am an egalitarian; I believe women are equal to men. I have trouble attracting women even though I'm handsome ( not to be egocentric--I have somewhat low self-esteem in comparisson to the rest of society), and I wonder if this is because I'm not forward/forceful enough. I assume if a woman is interested in me, she will show it. However, society seems to demand that I make the first move.
Do you consider yourself equal to your man, or do you bend to his whims?
Should I admit my attraction to a woman, or should I play "disinterested?"
Because that is what I tend to do, but it doesn't seem to work. Observing couples, it seems that most people seem to fit the stereotypical model, where the woman submits to the man.
I'm not talking
about Subimission/Domination in the sexual sense, but
in terms of "who wears the pants" etc.
I'm having a difficult time (4 yrs) getting women interested in me, abd I wonder if it's my views, or social norms, that prevent me from meeting an interesting, cool, girl.
Then again, I am quite
reserved, so tend to come off as disinterested.

I like when a man act like "a man." 8
I like it when a man tells me what to do, and how to act. 3
I like it when a man treats me as his complete equal. 10
I like it when a man is submissive. 3
I'm a man, and I shouldn't be voting. 11
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Comments ( 13 )
  • bananaface
    11 years ago

    I don't really see how asking a girl out would mean that she's "submitting" or "bending to his whims". Being in a relationship is a mutual decision. I don't understand why it matters who gets the ball rolling. If you're the one who has to do that, then do it! A lot of girls are probably too shy to be so forward.

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    • Boo!
      11 years ago

      True, I'm a shy person why it comes to someone I like. :)

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    If you act disinterested, and she acts disinterested, I can see how you have trouble getting into relationships.

    Thanks for the voting option btw.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It is not as simple as everyone being equal. It is a nice thought but realistically the grand majority of men feel emasculated by women who take charge and the majority of women are not attracted to mousey guys. There are not many people in between who are willing to risk that it goes any other way than that for fear of rejection.

    For now, it appears that men get opportunity to choose their mate and hopefully the woman they pick is receptive to him. The women have to hope they are skilled enough at attracting the type of man they are interested in so that he'll in turn pick her as his mate.

    Unfortunately, not everyone and every situation is as simple as that so there is room for a lot of confusion and heartache in between.

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    I think you use your alleged beliefs to conceal your fear of women.

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  • LizardSkin
    11 years ago

    Equality is bullshit, give them options 1 and 2 and scrap the rest.

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  • BigFatPlutocrat
    11 years ago

    I wrote this when I was drunk. It was a half-formed thought that I banged out on my phone before falling asleep. That's why my question is choppy and muddled.

    It was a stupid idea, and I realize that there are all types of people, but when I'm not entirely clear-headed, I tend to overgeneralize and come to irrational conclusions.

    I guess I'm basing the entire thing off of some couples I know where the guy basically makes all the decisions as to what they're going to do, where they're going to go, and forcefully expresses his thoughts and opinions until the woman adopts them as her own as well.
    I also happened to read a news article that day, about the popularity of 50 Shades of Gray, and so the domination idea kind of crept in there, too. Not in the sexual way, but more general.

    Ridiculous, I know. You can ignore the poll now.
    I was just trying to figure out what's wrong with my approach (there is no approach--that's what).

    Thanks for humoring me.

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    • disthing
      11 years ago

      Unfortunately for us guys who don't want to be alpha or domineering, I think there is a biological trend throughout the animal kingdom of males being the 'chaser' and women being the 'chased'. And of course once the man has successfully 'won' the woman, there is that expectation that he 'keeps' her i.e. is dominant.

      However much we might wish to defy our base urges or construct new cultural ideas of gender roles, there is still that underlying instinct that women are the prize and the men are the competitors. Hence why, despite gender equality, the tradition of the man asking first seems to prevail.

      I would like it to even up a little bit, and for masculinity to not be defined by power or control, but that may never happen in my lifetime, or ever. We are complicated animals sitting on top of uncomplicated urges.

      So for you it's probably better that you be a little more forward with how you feel towards girls you're interested in. Otherwise you could be waiting forever for someone to express how they feel to you only to miss that chance :)

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    • VioletTrees
      11 years ago

      I think you hit the nail on the head. Just express interest and treat her like a person, dude. You'll do fine.

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  • FocoUS
    11 years ago

    You sound great. Your problem is probably that you're reserved.

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    I prefer ca$h

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    I almost always wait for a guy to make a move first, been in one too many circumstances of embarrassing myself trying to flirt with someone.

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  • Dad
    11 years ago

    Why are your sentences broken up? Looks like you copy and pasted this?
    Anyway, you just need to be a bit more braver and make ANY move, hopefully this will be reflected in return!

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