Wish to punish / kill animals for reasons

23 Comments

Hello! This is my first post here.

I went to a neurologist and he couldn't give me an answer. I don't know where to go with my question anymore.

At young age I have killed small animals before (fish, bird) and I felt like it wasn't even my fault, even though I was the one who caused it, but they just broke at some point. I didn't even mean for it to happen, it just did because I pushed the limits. I didn't regret it, I just found it sad that I lost the bird because it belonged to me.

As a child I found imments joy in catching flies and feeding them to the wild lizards, impaling the flies on a cactus or collecting them in a bottle and leaving them for death, all because I felt the need to punish them for getting into the house.

I get easily irritated by noise and I often felt the urge to kill those pesky sparrows by my window for disturbing my sleep every weekend morning, but I don't have the tools. Why would they even make it illegal to kill those birds? There are too many of them anyway and they're basically just like rats.
It may sound weird but I feel jealous of cats and falcons because they're allowed to kill them for fun or out of annoyance as they please.

My guest family with whom I'm gonna be stuck with for quite a while have this old (ancient) cat of 20+ years who is basically a living skeleton with a thin(ning), smelly fur coat. It yowls and cries all day and night and shits and vomits everywhere up to 10 times a day, and it's been like this for the past few years so it could live on for who knows how long. I have thought about ways to kill it (that would make it look like an accident or natural death) because it's just gross. I don't understand why they would keep that thing alive because it doesn't look like it enjoys being alive and everyone is bothered by it to the point where they lock it into the bathroom or yell at it when they can't. But their morals and religion doesn't allow them to euthanize it unless it is visibly in pain (good luck with that on cats, who would NEVER let you know, even if they were to die in a few minutes) so they'll be stuck with it for who knows how much longer. We've even taken it to the vet and I paid for the medicine but the cat is too old to be cured of its disgusting problems.
If someone told me to kill that squaller and showed me how, I wouldn't wait another moment. But for now I remain, feeling frustrated because my hands are tied.

Why do I have these urges? Can anyone relate? Do I have psychopathic tendencies or is it something else? Will it get worse if I give in to those urges?

You'll be fine. 13
You should worry. 86
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Comments ( 23 )
  • mysistersshadow
    8 years ago

    I don't think its normal and I hope you can find a way to stop.

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  • yourdeepestshame
    8 years ago

    What makes you so sure he's making this up?
    You know this kind of shit actually happens, right?
    I've killed around 1.5 dozen frogs, toads, salamanders, and crayfish and have them in jars of alcohol (started when I was 14ish).
    I've also killed 7 or 8 birds and 3 baby mice with a bb gun.
    Insects are easy, I'm sure I've killed at least several hundred.
    None of this shit keeps me up at night (it used to, but after the 6th or 7th I stopped second-guessing myself and feeling guilty).
    My point is, just because you can't imagine doing something like this yourself, doesn't mean other people don't engage in these activities.

    These people are out there.
    Believe it.

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  • (((Time.Traveler.Tim)))
    8 years ago

    In my time people exhibiting such behaviors are take to evaluation centers and their activity chips are revoked. If they cannot be proven fit for rehabilitation then they are terminated. Maybe you have defective software?

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Maybe you have a personality disorder of which you are unaware?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      What personality disorder would that be?

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    OP here.
    Not sure what to think of the replies to this thread, but I start to wonder if it was a bad idea after all to tell you my story. Of course you wouldn't understand if you're not like that. It's difficult to relate.

    I'm not trying to be "edgy" or special. This is just how my life is. All I did was trying to be honest and explain my situation.

    Why would anyone want to make shit like this up just to troll anyway? There are funnier ways to do so.

    Also I haven't ever heard of any of the movies/books you refered to. Please explain what it is about and why you think it was relevant to my problem.

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    • yourdeepestshame
      8 years ago

      Don't kill the cat.
      Really bad idea. It's someone's pet and it's likely to get back to you.
      I've noticed your desire to "punish" animals?
      The difference between you and I is that I've no sense of anger or revenge towards these animals, I know they've done nothing wrong; that, and I've never (and probably never will, except for maybe hunting) seriously considered killing anything larger than a squirrel.
      Especially not something as social and empathetic towards humans as a dog or a cat.
      You said you felt bad only because the bird "belonged" to you, right? It sounds like 'owning' animals and making them 'yours', i.e. preserving them, would help you get your rocks off. Try going to creeks, looking under rocks, and collecting frogs, toads, salamanders, and snakes.
      All you need is a watertight glass jar (olive/pickle jars are great) and isopropyl rubbing alcohol.
      You'll want a 91% solution because the process of osmosis (high pressure to low) causes the animal's fluids to leak into the alcohol, diluting it; so 70% (most common rubbing alcohol solution) might become 60%.
      If you want to be really thorough, change the alcohol solution after about 3 days (once the animals fluids have been replaced with alcohol) and get a perfect, clear long-term alcohol solution.
      If you have an especially large specimen, after killing it and putting it in it's solution, put it in the refrigerator for 2 or 3 days; you do this because it takes the alcohol longer to be absorbed by large specimens, meaning decomp may occur. Thus you lower the temperature and slow things down.
      The largest specimen you can probably effectively preserve, with alcohol, is probably something between the size of a mouse and a hamster; bigger than that requires formaldehyde injections (which is essentially impossible for normal people).

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        8 years ago

        Thanks for the info but I don't feel like going looking for random animals in the wild and killing them for no reason. There has to be a reason for me to want it.

        I know it's someone elses pet but its owners hate it, they dont care for it except food+water and they actually wish every day that it will die by itself over night.

        I am the only one who really cares for it, I clean away its pus from its nose and eyes when it's sick, buy it treats and items.

        But still, keeping the cat alive any longer just makes no sense to me.

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  • GrayHulk99
    8 years ago

    dogs are more disgusting than human shit to me. one time a dog kept eyeballin me when i was camping at night, it started barking loudly and automatically i kicked under its jaw as hard as i can and kept stomping on it's head multiple times.

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  • melsey
    8 years ago

    You really REALLY need to get to a psychotherapist! It is NOT normal and NOT good! They have many medications for people with personality disorders, they can REALLY help! Please get some counseling ASAP! I also find it interesting that this "compulsive desire" is controlable. You have wanted to kill the cat, but you haven't done it! That tells me that you can really be helped by meds and counseling! Good luck!

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  • MissKira
    8 years ago

    I am the same and I enjoy it

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  • theres-a-monster-in-my-parcel
    8 years ago

    As a person with urges to do similar things but toward themselves, I suggest going and speaking with a psychologist or something. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they found the right medication for me and things have been a lot easier since. Imnot saying that this works for everyone, but its sn option I hope that you can find some way to safely deal with your issue that will make things easier for you :)
    Good luck, friend.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Gosh I have tried psychopharmaka before and it almost killed me. Never again. I'm trying to get psychotherapy though. Hard to find a place when there are so many people seekind therapy.
      I want to at least get a diagnosis.

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      • Bake34
        8 years ago

        I think that is an excellent idea. I believe that yes you are exhibiting psychopathic tendencies. And yes it will get worse if you don't get help.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    I have corns! :3 They're lovely.

    I played some Assassins Creed once but I didn't like the controls and quit. Controls can really ruin a game for me. But I guess I should give it another try one day...

    I can't really stay away because it will just run around everywhere and I hear it through my door and wake up from the noise. Sucks.

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  • Steve2!
    8 years ago

    I feel the same way. Mostly towards humans, though. Whenever some foolish teenager is vandalising property or something late at night, I just want to get my .44 magnum and blow their skull and brain matter all over the pavement. Hopefully, I'll go down there and get attacked by them one day so I'll have an excuse to do it.

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    • yourdeepestshame
      8 years ago

      You come across as a humorless, condescending, and tight ass douchebag.

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      • Steve2!
        8 years ago

        So you support vandalism?

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        • skilful_soldier6
          8 years ago

          You are a fat asshole with no friends.

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        • heckleBucker
          8 years ago

          Howdy hey there Stevie. Does blowing a skull apart excite you? Your best bet to avoid prosecution after the incident is to dress up like a drag queen and flirt with a known rapist. Get into his car, blast his head apart, then go down to the police station to fill out the paperwork.

          The cops will thank you, and then you can laugh about it all the way home!

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    • skilful_soldier6
      8 years ago

      You are a fat asshole with no friends.

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  • Navilluschizo
    8 years ago

    Just give them a lemon.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    Thanks for the reply.

    An interesting story. Why did you try to drown a kitten and what stopped you?

    I do have pet snakes, and I love watching them. They mean everything to me.

    I played video games for a while. Most are terribly censored, and have been even more so back in the 90s (Half-Life actually replaced soldiers with robots. Yeah wtf), which was terribly frustrating. But back when I was a kid I wasn't allowed to play those kind of games anyway.
    Painting bloody sceneries however helped.

    They thought years ago that the cat will "die soon anyway". It might as well torture us all another year or two with its yowling.
    If we took it to a shelther they would euthanize it. And nobody wants to adopt an instable cat that has already been in the grave with one foot for the past 5 years.

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