Will i ever make friends being socially awkward?

84% Normal
6 Comments

I'm at that time of my life where I realize I need friends. I'm 23. Ive pretty much killed the loner life by now and being okay with it. If I can survive society alone, then okay I don't need friends. But I don't think thats possible so I'm literally on a mission to make a group of friends so we can go out, do fun things, GROW, share moments together, etc. I think it's a healthy thing to do even if you don't want to.

My problem is, well, I have a few when it comes to making friends but I think the main one right now is I am socially awkward. I am shy in the beginning, can't handle the challenge being social brings, it's basically improv and I'm not very good at it. Yes I grew up watching a lot off tv especially reality tv shows so I think that has to be a huge reason why I am struggling today. I am used to already knowing whats gonna happen in a situation or at least know how to act in certain situations from work to clubbing to grocery shopping etc. But in reality, its not like that so idk I just get really awkward. And you know when they say vibes are contagious? Well they certainly are cause Im awkward and it quickly passes to the person (s) I'm talking to. I can sense it when they feel awkward or tense with me and thats when I get anxious and wish I can press pause but I can't, I have to continue somehow.

Another reason why I didn't have any friends in the past was also cause I'm picky. I chose my friends wisely and now I only have like maybe five real friends who some don't each other. But now Im trying to be less picky and go with the flow but its my social awkwardness that blows it. I am attractive so people do approach me but like I said, I get socially awkward and they change their minds about me lol. I think if you look at me, you would never guess I have this problem but I do. Also at this age, I want to grow and live life and don't think I can do that by myself. Im a really fun person and open minded and down to earth so I feel like its sucha waste, when I could be sharing it with others. Of course, not everyones going to like you which can be annoying when you didn't do anything to them to make them not like you but sigh...just stay positive I guess.

Not sure where to find these friends though. I already blew it at an internship where those girls and I had a lot of things in common but I was socially awkward so they were kind of turned off by me. Also, my friend invited me to hang out with his roommates and they were fun people but again, I stood out as the black sheep but at the same time, I can't see myself being close to them. Im done with school so nothing there. Friends from school still live around there or went back home so we're all separated. My friends here back home, aren't as outgoing as me but I'm glad I have them.

Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 25 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    You can get there but it's going to take time. To keep it short here are a few things you can do.

    1. Work on challenging your anxiety, not just in thought or why, but doing the things that you are afraid of. Start of small.

    2. Join activities that interest you.

    3. Don't forget that everyone is weird or awkward to a certain degree and no one is perfect or normal. Everyone makes the same mistakes as you do. Even if that's hard to believe.

    4. Give 0 shits what anyone else thinks unless you are hurting someone. Some of the most confident people are oddballs but attractive nonetheless because they follow their heart.

    5. Lasting impressions happen so give up on trying to change peoples minds about you and just change your mind about yourself. There are 9 billion people on this planet and you can always meet more.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thanks for this, I really appreciate it.

      Number 1 is hard because you can say I already am doing that and that means going through some humiliating moments but I'm still alive. And number 4, I think thats another problem. I do care a lot about what people think of me but thankfully, I've learned to only care about the ones that matter. Unfortunately, some of them don't deserve me to care but I do. Its really hard to just go on with your day not caring. But I think you can also say I've done that before (not caring) and its also lead me to this point-a loner. I can either care a lot or not care at all what others think of me and they both lead me to being alone. But I get what you're saying, its just gonna take some practice.

      Its funny cause the only time in my life that I found it easy to socialize was college. So many chances to go out and there was alcohol. It sounds bad but the parties and drinks made it easier to socialize. Now that that's over, its like back to real life where you have to socialize like a normal human being. I think the best thing to do is go out and meet people along with your advice but first, I have to find people to go out with. Oh the struggle.

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  • Samesame
    8 years ago

    Make friends with other awkward people. I'm not awkward but have some social anxiety and have friends. You just get used to it once you go out more.

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  • ShadoClone
    8 years ago

    "3. Don't forget that everyone is weird or awkward to a certain degree and no one is perfect or normal. Everyone makes the same mistakes as you do. Even if that's hard to believe."

    Ignore the fact that you're socially awkward and capitalize on your strangeness. Ignore the fact that you make mistakes when speaking to people. They don't know what's going on inside your head so it doesn't matter. If they did then you'd be able to show people the quality of your heart without opening your mouth. Toss yourself out there and get used to that feeling because eventually you'll polish your skill in making CONNECTIONS with people.

    Children don't have to do much to make a connection. They see another child and ask, "Do you want to play?" Older people might think themselves as adults but really if you ask someone to, "Play a game" they'll accept that. The hard part is keeping the connections as adults. We're busy, bored, or isolating ourselves in our personal lives so sometimes we feel that getting in touch with people can be hard.

    "Hey, wanna ditch this place and do something fun?" Has worked for men all over the world. Listening to cues and giving cues is too much to think about. "I did this fun thing yesterday!"

    You'll change based on what your statement. I used to be called weird all the time but "cool". That didn't help my confidence at all for years and still sets off a pissed off ping or two when I hear it now. It's not about denying it but more of showing that you are comfortable about how you perceive yourself. Remember other people are trying to make friendships and connections too so if they see that you're comfortable with your self-image they will be too. (Look in a mirror and see if you like yourself for yourself or recognize the person looking back at you) Nowadays when someone tells me I'm weird I reply, "I come from a different country with a different culture," as well as, "I don't have a problem with that. Do you?" The question makes them double think themselves and I get, "Nah, you're cool."

    Initially the people who turn away from you aren't the type of people who want to be near you anyways because they can't accept you. The people who can overlook your awkwardness are the people who will accept you.

    If you get shy then mentally kick yourself in the balls to remind you of your role in the world. To reproduce and conquer!

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    I have lots of friends and I'm awkward as shit! :D

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  • sugartits
    8 years ago

    slaughter a bus full of orphans

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