Will i ever just chill the hell out?
Well, I am 19 soon to be 20. I have had two serious relationships, the first I was treated pretty badly; cheated on, lied to, manipulated, a pretty gruesome cocktail of mental abuse.
My second and current relationship could not be more different. My boyfriend is without a doubt the nicest, sweetest guy i have ever and will ever meet. I have never been more attracted to someone in my life.
The problem is i have dragged my past insecurities into my current relationship and all the goodness is often over shadowed by my fears.
I understand and agree that it is not fair to punish my boyfriend for something someone else did, and I do punish him. I am foever throwing questions at him, interogating him, making him feel like he needs to watch every little thing he does. He even told me hes beginning to not know the difference between what acceptable and what isn't. This is because a lot of things what normal people in relationships would consider acceptable, i don't. I get jealous and insecure over the tinyest thing and its beginning to make him not want to meet new people especially if they are female.
He started a new job and a new course at uni recently. The first thing i thought of after been pleased for him was 'What if he meets someone?' All i could think of was him meeting a girl there, one who to him was like a breath of fresh air, who didnt ask him questions or make him stress, whos pretty and funny and not a nag! Someone who he would begin to think of even when he wasnt at uni/work, who he'd begin to miss and long for when laid with me at night.
I know it all sounds super paranoid, especially when he hadnt even had his first day when i was thinking it all but i can't help it. I told him everything i thought and he laughed and besically said why would he want to meet someone else when he loves me and has never felt for anyone the way he feels about me, that he has never wanted someone so much.
This reassured me for about 5seconds and then I was thinking more and more stuff. I feel like my mind is always ticking away, thinking of new questions to ask him and new things to worry about.
My boyfriend is unbelievable patient and tolerant, but even he will begin to get annoyed with it all, if he hasnt already. Its like a vicious cirlce because I worry about things and then worry that I am pushing him towards doing something,
I don't want to lose him. Why the hell can't i chill out and have a normal happy relationship with the Man i love???