Will i be able to find a guy who can put up with this?

6 Comments

I was abused, i can't and have never had a orgasm before, i take long time to be intimate and my sex drive is extremely low unless i feel cared for and connected to my partner (im demisexual i would say) but all my boyfriends i've had it caused problems with, but all i ask is they're patient with me, i just feel like i'm never going to be able to lead a normal relationship because of all my issues, i envy people who are easily turned on and get pleasure from sex and can cum i know i'm missing out and always will be, but its so hard because i want to be in a happy normal relationship so bad, ive had boyfriends but i love so hard and they all got over me in 5mins when it took me years to recover i'm just very mentally messed up and wish i could find someone who i could connect with who will accept me for me.

Also people say "just get over it" or get therapy and you'll be fine it isn't like that its a life long thing i have to deal with and only people who have had it probably truly understand

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Comments ( 6 )
  • Haddock
    3 years ago

    I think the attitude to "just forget it" is really unhelpful, but the opposite attitude of "my abuse is me" is really hard to recover from.
    Realistically you are very likely to be trauma-bonded so it's likely for you to end up in difficult situations and harder to get out of them for a lot of reasons.
    Childhood abuse is such a mindfuck, I hope you find the fortitude to face your past, come to a point where you can better handle your emotions and gradually become less reliant on "finding the perfect mate" and more comfortable with "you just being you"
    You don't deserve to be caged by a shitty past!

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  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    Even though you don’t want to hear it, just get over it. Just let guys fuck you and put up with it, most people are only in relationships for the sex.

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  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    I am the same way. I was emotionally abused and well i'm also just in general a person with low sex drive. I've gotta admit it's extremely hard to find a man who is fine with that, especially the older you get because the men you meet are more and more experienced sexually and considers it an important part of a possible relationship. They don't wanna wait too long. I've met and know exceptions too, there's guys with low sex drive but they're usually not very active on Tinder etc for obvious reasons so they may be harder to come across but they definietely exist.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      how old are you may i ask? i am 27 well just turning, and even with corona around its so hard to find people now, i don't feel like a relationship is possible since i need so much understanding and empathy which so many guys lack.

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      • CDmale4fem
        3 years ago

        Not to bring up your past but did you ever get justice against you abuser(s) ? When people say you will get over it, tell them to fuck off.
        When I was in my last few months in the US Navy I was sexually assaulted. I was 27 and i am male. I found out also a female I worked with had been assaulted by the same guy.
        That was 33 years ago, it caused my to have deep depression, anger issues, unable to hold jobs for long, all the usual "pissed at the world" kind of stuff.
        I had a family member to me one time to "pull up my boot straps and get over it". I was so glad to hear his advice, cuz lord knows I never thought of that. And I'm being sarcastic. I honestly had no idea how to deal with or handle it. I would have times I would just start crying and not know why. I tell people to listen to "Until it happens to you" by Lady GaGa. Take your time, dont do something until you are ready to. I'm like you, lower sex drive, I mean dont get me wrong oral is nice now and then.
        Anyway, good luck and things all in good time.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    If you were abused what I think you should do is to forget your abusive past with that person and get together with someone else, the thing is people can accept you but you need to find it somehow.

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