Why would she befriend me

College here. High school was death. Physical and verbal bullying. In summer I forced myself to work on social skills with jobs, raised my confidence a little with exercise and flopped about. So I can socialise better than the shy high schooler I was, starting conversations and meetings people, but I still get anxious. And then there's a new girl. She first saw me in the hallway on one of the first days, and she seemed quite cool, and we talked a tiny bit and bought snacks together. She says she wants to talk to people and is shy, but she brought me to a table with many new people on it and seemed quite bubbly. Clearly she knew at least one of them, and talked with ease. But she insists on asking for my number and sitting next to me, and meeting up in study periods. I kind of like her, she's calm and friendly, but I'm nothing interesting, a little shy, and I can's stop wondering why she shows friendship to me. I'm scared to befriend her because I feel as if it could be a trick, or that she will discover that I was and am a loser and ditch when bored or ashamed. She was the one who started the conversation. I was alone in a hallway. Was it pity? Did she want to avoid being seen alone? Am i a security net? Or was it genuine? She calls me her friend and it's been a week. I feel like I can't trust people and I'm undeserving of her.

Voting Results
55% Normal
Based on 11 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • TerriAngel

    Your other option is what?
    Remain akward and alone.

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    • true lmao

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  • Boojum

    Sounds to me like you're over-analysing. Given the history you outline, that's understandable.

    Feeling inadequate and unlovable is one of those self-fulfilling things; sort of like how if you're convinced you're crap at some subject you have to take at school, there's very little chance you'll do even reasonably well at it.

    For whatever reason, the girl decided to befriend you. Take that for what it is, try to relax and be yourself. Her true motivation and the person she truly is will only become clear as you get to know her better. It may turn out that you're just not compatible and there are others on campus you feel more at home with, but in the meantime, she's a contact point with the little society of your school, and it would be pretty silly to spend all your time moping in your room and feeling sorry for yourself when she's making it easy for you to be out there getting to know people.

    And, yeah, high school is crap for lots of people for lots of reasons. College can be shitty as well, but at least you're with a cohort of people who are a little more mature and generally at least a little bit brighter than the average in HS.

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    • Thank you Boojum. You have no idea how helpful that was.

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  • bigbudchonga

    Dude, you should go to a psychiatrist. I can see benzos working wonders for you.

    I would stick by her, she seems really friendly. Try and find some confidence as well. You probably have good qualities which are nice. I remember in secondary school I used to hang out with this guy (and still do) and everyone bullied him because he never stood up for himself, and he told me years later that he didn't understand why I didn't bully him. It was because he was a cool dude, and you probably have good qualities that attract people to you. Recognize those qualities and realize that you're probably not such a dick that you don't deserve any friends, it's just that you have such low confidence that most people probably can't see past that, like my friend.

    Also, I assume you're a girl, so Idk if this advice will work for you, but as a guy you can stop most bullying by simply standing up for yourself. If someone rips on you then rip them back; if someone's hits you then punch them back. Bullies generally circle the most vulnerable people; if you take yourself out of that group then bully problems should largely go away.

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  • Clunk42

    There are all these people who say that they were bullied, yet I can't help but doubt that that many people are bullied. What were you bullied for?

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    • I had terrible social skills. Some people pick up on these things later on, and I was one of them. I couldn't understand jokes and struggled reading between the lines, or using normal body language. I felt the same as everyone else deep down but could never express these same feelings.

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      • perfectxsilence

        Sounds like aspergers? I'm sorry to hear you were bullied.

        I can't say what her motive is but so far it seems safe regardless of why it started.

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      • Clunk42

        How exactly were you bullied?

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        • stuff like being pushed down stairs or putting ink on my head and filming it, or just rumours and shunning.

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          • Clunk42

            Finally, someone claiming bullying for actual bullying!

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  • momwatcher69

    This is called growing up. High school sucked, for you, and now you are in a different environment, with a different class of people. Relax, and make friends.

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    • thanks momwatcher.

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  • d0esnormalmatter

    I would say you are right to be suspicious. But still the relationship seems to be pretty benign. I would keep being nice to her and see where that goes. Hopefully her intentions will show at some point and hey maybe you can get laid? I mean there's a good chance shes into you by the sound of it.

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