Why is my bf doing this

13% Normal
20 Comments

hi. almost 21 yr old girl in abusive relationship with the 29 yr old here. so recently I’ve been very much distant with my boyfriend, not wanting to have sex, not being intimate, not being lovey. I think he might be noticing because hes starting fights over stupid stuff that he used to not start fights over because he had a reason to get mad at me going on his phone.
he got mad at me for wanting to go to the bars with my best friend instead of with him? i suggested seeing him the day after my bday bc i have my family and stuff to see and he got pissed as well. he’s just getting very mad over stupid little things, then he says it’s fine and things are okay for awhile and then he gets mad and says we have to break up. why is he doing this?

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 15 votes (2 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 20 )
  • KholatKhult
    4 years ago

    This doesn’t make sense.

    You openly say he is abusive, but you won’t leave.
    You say he gets angry about “stupid stuff”, but you won’t leave.
    Then you say he is trying to leave the relationship??

    From what I’ve learned of abusive relationships breaking up is “forbidden” in most cases.

    He’s offering you an easy out, why not take it?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      what do you mean it’s forbidden? you don’t think he will break up with me and is just saying this to manipulate me?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        What he's saying is that, for a relationship to be abusive, one of the parties must be "stuck" in the relationship. He knows he's being a bad boyfriend and is actively saying for you to break up. No one is trapped here.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Jennifer21
    4 years ago

    Dump the guy now! It will only get worse!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • LornaMae
    4 years ago

    Being cold and distant is not a stupid little thing in a relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      i’m not being cold i’m just not caring about stuff like i used to

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Nikclaire
    4 years ago

    It sounds a lot like this guys is the ex drug addict who doesn't work and fucks around with other girls. Just saying, this post seems awfully familiar.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Shiki
    4 years ago

    He actually just cares about you and might had have bad experiences in his relationships before or even bad experience in his childhood ,whatever.

    When you think he is actually abusive, you should talk to him about this first as he is your boyfriend and the other stuff
    .
    Otherwise, if it does not stop, you need to break up for your own safety. He probably is psychic ill :/

    My boyfriend and me at the beginning of the relationship was very tough too, because he is psychic ill and had such bad experiences. He was paranoid. It has been 5years now and he got a lot better, we make a very good couple. But he was never abusive and always understandable to his reasons...so..i really not recommend for you to stay with your boyfriend if it won't stop, as long these are only for 7months now. Do not make yourself depentable on him

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • WeirdGuyFr0mTheSouth
    4 years ago

    Define abuse. I've heard girls call a guy telling them to shut up abuse. How did he abuse u?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      he spit on me, choked me, pushed, shoved. called me a cunt, bitch, crazy, retarded, stupid, etc

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • WeirdGuyFr0mTheSouth
        4 years ago

        Well i mean you can break up with him but if not you ought to not be cold and distant. Thats a useless relationship if yall are gonna fight all the time and act cold to eachother.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • XYXY
    4 years ago

    You sound unbalanced, you say he is abusive but it sounds more like he is annoyed at the way you are behaving towards him. You go through his phone, this is an invasion of his privacy, you behave distant towards him, you state this in your post, you prefer to not see him on your birthday yet he is your partner. You sound very controlling, I am wondering when you say the relationship is abusive do you mean you are the abuser because the way you are behaving sounds like mental abuse towards him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      hahahahahaha omg. no. he physically abused me lol

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • XYXY
        4 years ago

        So why didn’t you say that in your original post? I would never condone abuse, although it does sound from your post that you probably provoke him to some degree. I do also wonder why are you still with him if he is abusing you? You state that he says you should break up, if you are truly being abused why would you not agree to the break up? Do you enjoy being a victim of abuse? When I think this through it sounds like one of three options.
        1) you crave and enjoy the drama of being in a violent relationship. Some people do.
        2) you are a troll and made the whole thing up, that’s why a lot of it doesn’t make much sense. This is the most likely.
        3) you really are being controlled and abused by him in which case you need to break up. This is the least likely.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          #3

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • XYXY
            4 years ago

            So you say it’s option 3 I don’t believe you I still think you’re a troll. However, in the unlikely event you are telling the truth you have a simple answer: Do as he said and break up.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • d0esnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    Idk really have much specific advise so I'll just chime in like everyone else and say leave the damn relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    I still believe that what you need most to do is to breakup with this 29 year old sack of shit that you've wasted too much time with. I'm glad that you are spending less time with his sorry ass, but I think you need to take the plunge, dump him like a turd in a bowel. This situation is a lot like waxing your own legs, and I highly encourage you to take a deep breath then rip that wax off in one quick motion. Sure, it will hurt, but trust me it will be worth it!

    Are you still seeing a therapist?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      not anymore because i haven’t had the anxiety / cared about stuff like i used to. we don’t fight about me looking through his phone, etc so now he’s starting other fights about stupid stuff. his friend passed away yesterday and he knows i’m sad about it too and he sent me a video of him from another girls page and i replied with “cool” and he called me a “sociopath” now he’s saying he can’t deal with me and wants to break up

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        So just break up with him, because he's a moron.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        3
        3