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Why does it seem more and more normal for people to say "I don't want to change my situation, I love my significant other but I want to have more sex or I want to feel excited again"? Or to say they are single when they aren't?
| boredom? | 20 | |
| not getting sex at home? | 15 | |
| excitement? | 27 |
Normal people enter into relationships thinking they will never be tempted, they will never cheat, it will never happen to them.
Since they think it could never happen to them, because ţhęy would never cheat, they don't mentally prepare themselves for the inevitable day when their relationship hits a bump or when everything becomes routine and dull. Then, one day, they're faced with the allure of a person outside of their relationship, someone who is willing to make them feel good, or at least better than their partner has been making them feel.
Absolutely, there are cheaters who cheat pathologically. They will do it again and again in every relationship they have. Those people aren't common. What IS common is normal people who make bad choices.
The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is an exaggeration. The truth is, most normal people who cheat either get caught or confess. They feel authentic remorse and then learn from their fuck-up. The ones who dont feel remorse might cheat again, simply because they didnt learn anything from it except that there are no consequences.
It makes sense, it is just so very frustrating as a single person! Especially when he tells you he's divorced and then come to find out, he isn't. Makes dating and trusting even harder.
I get that relationships become complacent but to me that means do something WITHIN the relationship, is that wrong to think?
Because they are morally handicapped. If they weren't, they would get the divorce first, and then go fuck later.
I believe it's because many of them do not have enough partners BEFORE they marry. Too many want to save themselves for marriage and that is exactly what ends up killing what could have been the perfect relationship.
Curiosity about what it would be like with another person (or a few others) and boredom because they have no experience at sex when they marry so their sex life is fairly narrow and uninteresting.
I cheat when my relationship doesn't survive the honeymoon stage and the relationship feels more like a chore I'm obligated to do rather than an enjoyable experience. I do this because I don't like to communicate my unhappiness or when I have, it was disregarded. I also have a fear of men and what they will do to me if they're stronger or have my personal info due to past experience.
I'm trying to let them down easy while also getting companionship from someone else. I have abandonment issues but the other way around - getting emotionally attached in the long term sense is difficult for me and abandoning some lover is a fairly easy task for me.
Yeah... I'm pretty sick.
"The grass is greener on the other side."
People have the tendency to believe, during the time it happens, that this particular solution is best for themselves. It's an act of true selfishness and naiveté. They genuinely believe that cheating solves a problem at the time. Usually the problem is they feel their SO isn't fulfilling them. They realize only afterward that cheating doesn't fulfill them either. The difference between a wise man and a fool is knowing before, rather than after, that jumping into another's arms won't bring the fulfillment they seek.
Interesting read.
http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/28/sanford-ensign-affair-opinions-columnists-extramarital-sex.html
Since when was being against cheating a bad thing? Jesus christ, some people on this site need a fucking wake up call. Cheating IS wrong, it IS depraved, and nothing anybody says or does will ever change that. Ask anyone who's been cheated on and see if they tell you that cheating is normal and its merely the result of temptation. Its truly riveting how fucking stupid some people are. Justify disgusting actions so that you don't feel so bad about what a shitty human you are.
There's nothing wrong with being against cheating. But, even in your two large paragraphs you've failed to actually give an answer that's on topic, the question is "Why" not "is it wrong".
All you've done so far is tell OP that cheaters are disgusting and there is never even the temptation to cheat if you're a good person, which is hugely false and unfair. You continue to talk down on anyone who has ever cheated, and then try to insult me with grade school inflammatory remarks.
Haha, literally every word you've typed on this topic was completely pointless and uncalled for based on the question being asked. You may as well have said nothing at all, in fact your name calling and hateful speeches about all the things you're supposedly against surely do more harm than good. So, I could sit here and tell you how many ways you're wrong, but you're wrong in so many ways that I've already started a small essay and mentioning everything would just be fucking ridiculous.
I might just be a druggie that's going to die before he turns 40, but I wanted to let you know that even with my drug soaked brain I'm still smarter than you, and I can pick apart every sad attempt of intellectual property your pathetically narrow thought process shits out onto this site, but I'm too stoned and lazy to really give a fuck you exist past this point. Hahahahaha, biiieeetch!
Someone who actually loves their significant other doesn't get tempted to cheat. I'm sorry, but people who cheat really dissapoint and disgust me. Its probably one of the worst things a person can do to their significant other. It completely abliterates their self esteem, makes them feel worthless, and it ruins lives. People who cheat are selfish and don't think of anybody but themselves and their own selfish wants. It tears families apart. I will never be able to sympathise with somebody who has cheated on somebody else, because its a depraved thing to do.
Come on bruh, what kind of self righteous concrete opinion is that? Someone's with no life experience is my bet. You enjoy pretending to be better than people, yet you know nothing of the things you reply. Your opinions are laughable at best and harmful in their core.
I have been tempted many times in relationships to cheat, but I never have. So while I agree with you that temptation is there for it to happen, I also agree that if you love the partner and have the correct morals and know what this will do to them, yourself, and the relationship, then you will not cheat. Like I said, I have been tempted many times but due to my morals, knowing what itd do to her, and my love for her, I never cheated on any woman that Ive been in a relationship with.
I don't care, I think cheating is terrible, case fucking closed. If you don't want to be with me, just say so! I'd rather you break up than cheat on me. Break up with me then go fuck all the other people you want, I don't give a SHIT. To me people who cheat are selfish, cowardly, and inconsiderate.
I think all of the above tbh, maybe not all together in one person at one time but I think they are all reasons that people stray.
Another one could be they've fallen out of love with the person they're with or found someone they are in love with but don't want to leave cos of kids/finances/property...
Cheating is a concoction of society's constraints. Society has convinced people that they are supposed to be monogamous, even from the point of saving virginity to one's wedding night at one time.
The reality is that humans are not monogamous. One way society has adjusted is through serial monogamy, where the rule is that it is ok to be have as many partners as desired, but only one at a time. That's silly. Why should someone have to end a perfectly good relationship in order to have sex with someone else? Why must it be all or nothing? Even if more than just sex on the side, why are people so closed minded to believe a person can only love one other at a time?
Cheating would not exist if open relationships were acceptable. Swingers are not cheating, but they also keep their lifestyle secret. My wife allows me to have a girlfriend, under her rules. It means our relationship can stand.
How many relationships are destroyed because a woman files for divorce the minute she finds out her husband was with another woman? If she were taught to be more open minded, that need not happen.
If society were not so Pope and Puritan inspired, we would still have polygamous families (not to be confused with cult-corrupted ones that exist today) and it would be better for many, not all, involved. I would love for my girlfriend to move in with my wife and I. But society won't allow it.
I know people in genuinely happy open marriages/polygamous relationships. It's great for them but I know a lot of people couldn't necessarily handle sharing their partner - but I think that's up to each couple to work out for themselves.
I think if it works for all parties involved & everyone is a consenting adult then go for it and enjoy :)
There's an old saying "If you don't give the dog a bone, he will eventually find one elsewhere". I feel there are several reasons for one to cheat (although I have never engaged in this activity and therefore I am not an expert on this topic). One example that comes to mind is when your not receiving the attention you desire from your significant other; if their not fulfilling your needs or desires then you are more likely to seek this fulfillment elsewhere. I also believe that some do it out of the excitement it may present as well as their natural drive to do something tabu or risky in nature. I have a friend that when I asked him why he keeps cheating on his spouse and he replied "It helps keep the fire burning at home, teaches me new things and make me desire my spouse more". Reading into his statement what I interrupted this as was; he uses cheating to find new methods as well as compare others to his spouse yet none have ever fulfilled his needs as she as. But my question is what if he finds one that does exceed what his wife fulfills, now what position has he placed himself in.
The number of people who cheat did not increase, I think. The number of people who are willing to admit it (albeit at an anonymous internet site) did.
Why do people cheat? There are tons of reasons. The three you mentioned in the post, plus hormones, temptations, "forbidden-fruit"-syndrom etc.
That is my view on things, but it is that of an outsider, because I haven't cheated on anyone in my life (yet).
It's simple really, most people date someone they aren't in love with, therefore they feel no guilt if they were to cheat on them, so why not just do the dirty deed.
In my opinion, people cheat because they are selfish, weak, and don't sincerely love their significant other. Not enough to stay faithful to them anyway.
Cheating is really selfish, and why anyone would defend the act is beyond me. In my opinion, tempation is when I'm trying really hard to eat healthy and then I practically hear Mc Donald's calling my name, not being in a relationship, and being tempted to cheat. That's some serious shit.
I do agree that someone who's cheated before can change, I believe that anybody can change and better themselves if they want to badly enough, but I would never really be able to trust someone who once thought it was okay to cheat on somebody.
I simply would not understand how they justified their actions at that specific moment when they cheated, to me thereis no valid reason for cheating. I don't think all people that have made mistakes in life are absolute awful human beings but I do believe it's a really lousy thing to do to someone, break their heart like that.
To answer your question though, I'm not sure why people cheat, other than they are just plain selfish, like I mentioned in the beginning of my comment. I think people get bored and believe that if they don't get caught and it doesn't hurt anybody than it isn't wrong.
I'm with you here LadyOfDecay. Cheating is never acceptable for it destroys trust, families, integrity, etc. Cheating should never be condoned nor accepted. Cheating can come in numerous forms whether it by physical, emotional, verbal or type written. Cheating isn't always in the form of physical contact.
I don't know why someone thumbed down your comment. I agree and it's well stated. I think we may have a guilt-ridden cheater in our midst.
I don't see where anyone thumbed down my comment, nor do I know how to give a thumbs down. If I knew how to give a thumbs down there are a few occasions I would have when people are judging an individual for asking a question that is obviously very sincere to them.