Why is it so hard for women to say, "no," or "i'm not interested?"

Three years ago, I got chewed out by my boss after I asked a woman out. I worked with non-profit organization, and she was from another assignment. Mine worked alongside hers on a field trip one Thursday where we met. She acted friendly and whatnot while we mingled on the bus.

Let me first inform you she was NOT a coworker. She was from another organization separate from mine. The gal latched unto me like a lost puppy and insisted on eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me throughout the trip. Later, she gave me her e-mail address, and I asked if she wanted to get together.

I didn't spell it out to her that I wanted to date her. She then complained to her director who called mine, and that's when I got my lecture. I didn't tell her I wanted to jump her bones in that e-mail. Yes, I wanted to plug her hole, but I never told her that. All I told her was that I wanted to get together with her. I was later forced to resign because they considered it sexual harassment.

That's not the first time something like this happened. I've had two other women stand me up on dates because they were too chicken shit to tell me they weren't interested in a relationship. One was just looking for a free dinner and the other was some lonely gal who wanted a simple shag. Ladies, if you aren't interested in a guy, then why do you give him your number or e-mail address and the runaround after that?

Why can't you just tell it straight instead of beating around the bush? If you women all have enough brain cells to adjust your bras, use tampons and maxi pads, apply make-up, send text messages, type posts on your Facebook walls, shoot e-mails, drive cars, earn degrees, and even raise children, then why is so damn difficult to say, "No?" Are you afraid the guy is gonna burn your tits off with a blowtorch or make you eat dog shit off the floor or something?

If a socially awkward person like me can figure all this out, then why am I having a hard time wrapping my head around this when "No" is usually one of the first words little children and foreigners learn to say when they learn English? Why is it so hard for a grown woman to say it? Is it like getting a pap smear with a meat hook? Is it like pulling your teeth out with a pair of pliers, or is it like giving birth to a porcupine with its quills extended?

Voting Results
43% Normal
Based on 42 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 45 )
  • imadragon

    Well, many guys don't handle rejection well and some even blame the girl who rejected them and call her names. Maybe they were afraid that might happen.

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    • cuppycake1228

      Many guys also have a problem accepting that the issue may be themselves and not the other person. It's easier to get defensive and insulting than to look inward and wonder, "What may *I* possibly be doing wrong?"

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      • imadragon

        Exactly.

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  • RoseIsabella

    For a codependent person saying no can be quite difficult and someone who "latches" onto you could very well be codependent. Not everyone who agrees to give you an email address and or phone number is necessarily interested in you in a romantic or sexual way. You did describe yourself as socially awkward and say that this is not the first time this has happened to you so isn't it then possible that these individuals may have been dropping subtle hints that they weren't interested in anything other than Platonic friendship as coworkers?

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    • Daugenstein2

      Don't try to place the blame on me for being socially awkward. She knew damn good and well what she was doing. All she had to do was tell a white lie or something. I would've understood. I tell people exactly what I'm feeling, I don't beat around the bush. Why do you place the onus on me for not being able to read her mind? That's what my employer did. I'm sorry if I don't have ESP. If I was telepathic, I wouldn't have written this. It's not my fault she couldn't be forthright about this.

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      • Incomplet

        How did you know she "knew damn good and well what she was doing"?

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        • Daugenstein2

          Because she knew damn good and well she was giving me her email address. She was cognizant of what was happening. That's how I know. If you're not interested in a guy, then don't send him your email address. It's that simple! What the hell did she think was going to happen?

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          • Incomplet

            "What the hell did she think was going to happen?"

            I don't know, man. Maybe something called FRIENDSHIP.

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            • Daugenstein2

              Ummm...You did read the part when I asked if she wanted to get together and meet up and nothing more, didn't you?

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  • stanie

    well those girls are sucky bitches . Be firm and confident don't let these girls ruin who you are .

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    • Daugenstein2

      I'm trying, but also I expect to be able to trust people and for them to tell the truth. That's easier said than done.

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  • plainsight90

    If this keeps happening to you, I have some great advice for you: fucking is for fun, innocent number exchanging is casual, and quit struggling so much. Just relax, you'll meet that perfect woman someday, and if not, oh well. It's all overrated anyway.

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    • Daugenstein2

      That's why I won't even bother until I go over to Thailand to teach. Facebook girls are too flaky. You talk about it as though this is my fault.

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  • Shrunk

    Why can´t guys get the message when we act disinterested?! Well then again i dont know what your girls were doing, and if you were beating around the bush as well, as in not saying directly what you wanted, then how should they know? I have guys after me who are not specifically saying they want me, so how can i say ¨No¨? Say no to WHAT exactly? We´re to assume when a guy is nice to you it automatically means he wants you? But that is not always the case. Oh, and come to think of it, the one guy who´s after me actually I have no idea how he got my number, we work together and he must have gotten it off my personal info or something lol! and the other only knows my name after the teacher addressed my by it yesterday, despite being after me for a couple months now. But he never says anything like ¨hey you want to go out¨ so there is nothing to say NO to! And the other one actually texted his other friend that works there, literally ¨i want to stick my cock in her¨ something like that (she showed me the message because she thought it was funny), while to me it´s all nice crap like ¨what are you doing¨ lol. ugh

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    • Daugenstein2

      Maybe we're not telepathic. That's why. If you're not interested, then you probably shouldn't be giving out your email address and phone numbers. Why do you place the onus solely on the men?

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      • Shrunk

        When did I give out my email address or phone numbers? O_o

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        • Daugenstein2

          I didn't mean you specifically. I meant you collectively. How the hell am I supposed to know she's not interested if I can't read her mind and she doesn't tell me? I'm not telepathic. When a gal gives me her email address or some way to communicate with her, then I can only think of it from a logical standpoint. I would figure if she wasn't, she wouldn't have given it to me.

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          • Shrunk

            Ahh, I see. Well, maybe she was interested in you at first, but then something you did changed her mind.. I mean, she has to get to know you a little better to make her decision of liking you as more than a friend or not...

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  • cuppycake1228

    OP, you can't assume the women you meet want the same thing(s) you do, or will think or operate in the same fashion. It's unrealistic and immature to expect anyone to act the same way you would. Rejection is just an unfortunate reality of the dating scene. It happens to everyone from time to time. Maybe some women find it difficult to outright reject a man, because they are nice and have a hard time letting someone down. I'm an attractive woman, but I've had my share of guys who took my number and then never called. It sucked but I got over it. Just buck up and move forward...but I would lose the offensive attitude toward women if you ever want to get anywhere with them!

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    • Daugenstein2

      I don't assume they want anything. I didn't tell her I wanted to plug her hole if that's what you're insinuating. I never asked her out on a date, either. That's where you and she got it wrong. All I asked was if she wanted to meet up somewhere. And if you're not interested, you shouldn't give the guy your email address or number. That part should be a no-brainer. Why do you and all the other female respondents keep skirting around THAT part and keep trying to place the onus on me for not being able to read her mind. I'm sorry I'm not telepathic.

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  • Jesus Christ enough with the fucking analogies. We get it, you are socially awkward and pissed off. Stop talking about pap smears with meat hooks, giving birth to porcupines, and getting our tits burnt off. That's gross as hell and I hope you don't use these in real life, sicko.

    Moving on.

    That does suck that they won't tell you no. If I am not interested in a guy, I am able to tell them no thanks, so I can't relate to the women you are talking about. It sounds like they are childish and don't want to hurt your feelings by outright rejecting you.

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    • Daugenstein2

      Well I'm glad to know that you're able to tell it straight up. Would you be this forthcoming in person as you are online? Okay, maybe I didn't tell you what's up with me, so let me just spell it out for you. I have Asperger's. Do you know what that is?

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      • No wonder you use god awful analogies. And not much, other than they have generally poor social skills and have a hard time reading people (something like that). You should welcome my comment, because I specifically told you your analogies were disgusting since apparently you cannot register the distain on peoples faces if you use them irl.

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        • Daugenstein2

          I was using shock value because I wanted to make sure I got everyone's full undivided attention. What I can't understand is how women have a high enough pain threshold to give birth to children, and yet they can't even say the word, "No," especially when this gal had a Master's Degree.

          Another female friend of mine named Wanda is from Poland originally, yet she was raised in Germany. She speaks English not as her second language, but her third language. Wanda understands every single word coming out of my mouth, though, and "No," was one of the first ones she learned to say. Why is it Wanda and I communicate just fine, but some other girls can't?

          I know to you and probably most other women on this pole, I remind you of Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and all the rest of them because the media has done a fine job labeling us all as sociopaths after the Sandy Hook shooting. I just want to know why Wanda understands me completely when we're from opposite sides of the world, and she knows I'm not a sociopath.

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          • I dont stereotype. Just because you have aspergers doesn't mean I lump you in with the bad guys. I honestly think you are thinking way too hard about this and are doing your best to argue with and disprove anyone who has something reasonable to say to you. You asked for advice and you got it, its not our fault you choose to not listen.

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            • Daugenstein2

              I am listening. The thing about Asperger's though is most people think I can help what I have. My former employers thought that way. They showed zero compassion towards my disposition. There are some idiots who think it comes with an on/off switch while others think it can be "cured."

              Most people I suspect share the same sentiment as my dipshit brother-in-law in that it's too much of an inconvenience to be around though none of them would dare say it to my face. I imagine that gal probably felt the same way, but she was too chicken shit as well. That would certainly explain her cowardly act.

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  • Nokiot9

    That makes me angry as fuck. I'm sick of people giving women the benefit of doubt just because they are women. No one stopped to think that maybe the claim she was making was false, before they ruined the livelihood of a hard honest working man. Just so she wouldn't have to feel awkward and break it off herself. What a dumb whore.

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    • Daugenstein2

      You said a mouthful. Now you know exactly why I'll never ever work in another office environment again and why I can't wait to move overseas to another culture where the women aren't so damn uptight like they are here in America.

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      • Nokiot9

        Lol. Sorry... I got in a fight the night before with my gf and the neighbors came out to see what was going on. I was sittin in the driver seat of her car and she was standing just outside it grab g me by the hair and trying to pull me out of it and the bitch from next door has the nerve to yell 'take your hands off of her!" When I was the one sitting down and defending myself trying to get the door shut and her away from me. But since I'm a man and she is a woman, a domestic altercation is ALWAYS my fault.... Fucking bullshit

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        • Daugenstein2

          Oh, I see. Well did the gal say yes when she really meant no?

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  • While you hardly have any business making the assumption that such things suggest sexual interest, I can sympathize with your plight.

    I'm beginning to think that females naturally enjoy such attention, but are simply unwilling to admit it.

    And forced to resign for "sexual harassment"? What in the hell?

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    • I'm honestly curious as to why this comment was so poorly received.

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      • Daugenstein2

        Beats the hell out of me. I gave it a thumbs up.

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    • Daugenstein2

      They wanted me gone for reasons other than this. It was all office politics. They wanted to get rid of me because the management was incompetent, and I knew too much. They were just using that gal as a wild card.

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  • ChristIdon'tknow

    Well from the sounds of things you're a wingnut with serious anger issues and little respect for women. I'm guessing she was too afraid to say "no". Teamed up with the fact that you confess to be "socially awkward" if you approached me , I'd assume you were planning to remove my skin.

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    • Daugenstein2

      Okay, when I said socially awkward, I didn't want to drop a bomb on you. Since you don't know me, let me just spell it out for you. I have Asperger's. Do you know what that is? Or better yet, since you're afraid I'm planning to skin you alive, does that mean you'll give me your number or your email address now? :P

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  • ucipher8

    She probably gave you an email address she used for work. Maybe she was interested in you, just a little bit; but its not like she gave you her personal email address, or number. Sexual harassment might have been a little too far but now, you gotta explain this to any potential new employer.

    It sucks to be you.

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    • Daugenstein2

      Gee thanks!

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      • ucipher8

        BTW i know what it means to be "socially awkward" cause, i am too. It sucks to be you and i know because i've been there too, so im just going to try and live my life with as little social interaction as possible.

        The same way they cant just say, "no" or "im not interested", i simply wont engage until and unless they engage me first.

        Why?

        Because, im socially awkward.

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  • They might feel intimidated and feel safer avoiding you in a passive manner than being direct.
    After reading your story, this is most likely the case.

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    • Daugenstein2

      Well if they feel intimdated, then they shouldn't be giving me their numbers or emails period. Duh!

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