Why dont i rely on my cousins?

soooooooooooo ever since i was little i use to steal my cousins clothes and things and i was jealous of the things that they had... they knew. when we grew up and i started highschool i strayed away from them, our bond would be really tight wed want to be best friends and stuff. but yeah i started to stray away, skipping class making friends with ppl and like i never really told them what was going on in my life it got to the point where i was ust living so much that i felt like i couldnt tell them most of the things that ive been through.. we talk sometimes and its almost like we are drifting apart in some way because i just suck at being a cousin, like i dont know why? i love them but..... i dont know