Why don't guys open up?

67% Normal

It's such an interesting topic that I have come across during my last relationship or "situationship" as my friend likes to call it. Wasn't official with him but would like to be because I have deep feelings for him and I can't be with someone on a casual level who I love. As for him, he's still there and hasn't told me to leave. But he won't even talk about making it official unless I bring it up. And when I do, he doesn't tell me no he just says "idk what I want." I don't know how to take that especially that he doesn't open up a lot which drives me nuts then I look nuts to him. Well its not my fault that I'm trying to bring out his feelings because I care what he has to say AND I'm trying to be a friend as well by helping him learn how to communicate and express himself. I never had to deal with this because 1) I was only casually dating guys so nothing deep 2) I've only had one bf and he was a great first bf who knew how to express himself and I have to say, I think its because he did care. So I look at this guy and I'm like, is he just your average guy who doesn't open up so I shouldn't take it personally or does he just not care enough to fill me in? I want to like see him with another girl and see if he acts differently with them or even track his ex gf and ask her how was he? He did say she had the same problem with him but when pictures/videos of them show up while we look through his albums, he seems so affectionate, maybe cause they were an actual couple while we aren't. Other factors include another common trait of guys which is his focus on making that mula and his career. Not a bad thing, in fact its a bonus and I have supported him throughout the way like encouraging to apply or just having hope. But because his focus is on that, I feel like I'm in the backseat of his list of priorities. Again, I'm not his gf but why does he do these gf/bf things every now and then? Such as, take me out or explaining how he hasn't been with another girl and doesn't feel like it. Okay sooo just gf me already? Or is he just afraid to commit? but why? It's really hard to believe that the guy/girl you really care about and thought was real despite their annoying games is just fooling around with you. He wants his cake and eat it too and I've confronted him about this and he apologized he made me feel that way because "that's not how it is." How can I get a guy to express their feelings? And based on all of this, what is his deal? Is it just about not opening up? But why? and if not then what is his deal?

Voting Results

67% Normal

Based on 12 votes (8 yes)

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Comments ( 16 )

derpyderp

9 years ago

Tell him he's close to losing you because you're unsure if he shares your feelings for each other.
If that isn't enough then he may not be worth it or may be confused about what he wants & you'd be better off with someone else who will treat you the way you deserve...

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EccentricWeird

9 years ago

Does your keyboard have a carriage return?

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Parky_Parker

9 years ago

He doesn't seem like he's that into you. Some things are not meant to be figured out. Move on.

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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

One sided love.

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ilovetoiletrolls

9 years ago

Sounds like he's not interested in a relationship with you.

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ThisIsImpossible

9 years ago

Friends, but no love, and monogamy? Sounds like you're a fwb bruh

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CoraCook

9 years ago

Responding to the title, couldn't be arsed to read: they do open up easily, I get zippers down in 5 minutes.

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- howaminotmyself
  
  9 years ago
  
  That's a big zipper.
  
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  - CoraCook
    
    9 years ago
    
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    
    you're funny!
    
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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

I'm sorry, but I just can't read your novel. But in answer to the title, if you are a male, raised in the good old USA, you are taught to be the strong silent type. You are taught, boys don't cry and boys never show their feelings. Boy are though and they must protect their women from all dangers, both foreign and domestic.
So, unless you are hanging out with a simpering wimp, you are fighting some pretty deep programming. You'll need to be patient and understanding, and if the relationship lasts, he'll need to trust that if he does show his feelings to you, that you will still respect and love him.

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- DumBelle
  
  9 years ago | pl
  
  This is pretty much relative to this user. Assuming he's older, too.
  
  What he said does not apply to "males in the US". I've lived in multiple states and have a lot of guy friends (ranging from East to West) none of them acted like they were desperately trying to prove how "strong and silent" they are, or had fathers who gave them knocks to the head, if they cried. It's a different time, now. What he said is so dated and appears as if he doesn't know anyone outside of his generation.
  
  Actually, most of my guy friends are beyond more open than my female friends. As far as past boyfriends, they were incredibly emotional and it was hard to deal with their break downs. It often comes down to person to person, how they feel about you personally and connect. The guys who were "this" way with me, were not like that over their exes. Them being such attractive, big and muscular guys, a person who didn't know them like I do, would assume what the above user thinks. Strong / silent type, with fathers who taught them crying is for "sissy boys".
  
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  - ilovetoiletrolls
    
    9 years ago
    
    I agree with you.
    
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  - thegypsysailor
    
    9 years ago
    
    And all these wonderfully sensitive guys are the same ones who keep fire arms virtually unregulated in the US? Let's look at the US as a whole, not just the 30 to 50 guys you may have known well in your life, OK? Honestly, consider the tea party followers, the Texans, the southern states and the anti-immigration groups. I really do not think you are being at all realistic, here.
    
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    - DumBelle
      
      9 years ago
      
      My last bf was from Texas, so don't assume and label everyone I know being the same "type" of guy; I'm originally from the most rural part of my state. Most of my friends from my hometown were Republicans. My bf from TX was absolutely open, emotionally and one of the sweetest guy friends I have had; NRA member, who often took trips to the ranges and booths, at the headquarters. My open guy friends? They range from right wing, liberal, democratic and all of what diversity entails. I stated; East to West, it's not knowing "50" guys of all the same personal views, be it politically or social matters.
      
      Now, I'm where the illegal immigrants are literally in my backyard. I'm in an Asylum state, meaning the people here (blue state) are absolutely impacted, we are watching busses unloading children and families, by the masses. My guy friends (since it's evident men are the topic at hand) right or left, have their opinions. Does the political stance sum them up and impede their ability to connect, open up and confide in me, as a friend? Absolutely not. I don't have/know "50" men; there's that thing called college, work, social/outgoing -- I made it clear that I have lived in both sides of the spectrum and traveled this country. From rural America, to the city, which is quite liberal.
      
      I know people who have proudly served this country, they have had no problem with crying/showing their emotions, regarding what they have seen or endured, mentally. It's about being a person who cares and one can trust. I find people can confide in me, my guy friends or past bfs, it's never been an issue getting the " US male" to open up, to me. I genuinely empathize and care, they see this.
      
      For a gyspy, it appears you claim you wander, but you may lack interaction with all walks of life, people outside of your bubble. I've met so many great guys, it's far from few, it'll surely grow as I live more and experience life, with others.
      
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    - DumBelle
      
      9 years ago
      
      Oh, being realistic is assuming the US male is a "simpering" wuss, if he shows emotions. So you assumed every guy is raised with the exact same ethics/"rules" as how to be a "man", and that's realistic? I've met more than my fair share of the "type" you're trying to portray, and they do not lack emotional connections, nor feel mentally urged to stop and "straighten up"..
      
      It appears like you believe that you speak for all men. It's evident you are projecting, whether from entertainment (movies) online or experiences, in your home.
      
      My guy friends who are open, especially the ones who have served, far from being a wuss; They had the courage to fight, they have the courage to open up about what they've endured and had no shame in crying, in front of me. I call that being human. Unless you really believe (as a "gyspy") you meet people, so diverse and actually have serious conversation with every one of them, then jump to sum men up, as raised the same/act the same. I don't generalize the American male as "lacking" anything. I know too many and they are definitely happy to have a connection with friends and yes, even cry, shamelessly.
      
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    - green_boogers
      
      9 years ago
      
      Damn right partner. Shootin bullets IS emotional expression which releases that uncomfortable inner tension. Only time a Texan cries is when he runs out of ammo. That's when y'all are forced to show your sensitive side.
      
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Why don't guys open up?