Why doesn’t he want me?

I’ve posted a couple of post about this boy so sorry in advance.
He works a lot, sleeps when he’s done working, says his past relationships failed because they didn’t understand why he worked so much.
He’s always been awful at messaging. We’ve been on 3 amazing dates and spoke everyday, but sometimes he doesn’t reply til late. A couple of times I’ve stopped messaging just to see if he starts it off again and he has. I tried asking if he was free last weekend he said he was working but we could chill and go for a walk... I ended up working so nothing happened.
This week has been bugging me though. Why doesn’t he message more? Why is it always late when he messages? Why isn’t he asking me out? My worst fears is he isn’t interested after being hurt before it all came back.
So I asked after we had a nice convo ‘are you wanting to meet up again sometime?’
His reply ‘yes I do, but I don’t feel like I have the time, im working this weekend and when I get home from work all I want to do is sleep (yes he does have a manual instence job) once I get my house sorted I should be able to cut my hours down and have more time then x’
First instinct was he’s making excuses but why say yes I do? Form past experiences my mind doesn’t know what to think. I said something back saying I can’t tell if you’re interested or not etc.

He said ‘I am interested, If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have taken you to Manchester (over an hour from us) you aren’t like other girls that go out all the time you’ve got your head screwed on, but I think I’ve picked the wrong time for dating’ took us ages to get a date as I started back on the app when I got my heart broke so never thought anything of him, he asked me out twice and then we went some time without speaking then we missed again before we finally met up.

I do like him a lot. But I suppose if he was keen he wouldn’t be saying all this.

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Based on 14 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Boojum

    As we all do, he has his priorities. Maybe his priorities are entirely sensible since he needs to work the hours he does in order to survive or achieve huge goals in his life. Or maybe he's just keeping you hanging around in the hope you'll be there whenever he can be bothered to take a break and meet up with you. The important thing is that it seems pretty clear he can't or won't make time in his life for you at the moment. I think you need to accept that fact, no matter how much it may hurt you.

    What your posts portray is someone who needs clarity and regular, predictable attention from a boyfriend. Those aren't unreasonable things to ask for, but it seems pretty clear you're not going to get them from this guy.

    For the sake of your self-respect, I suggest you tell him that things aren't working out and draw a line under all this. Whatever you may believe at the moment, he is not the one and only guy in the entire world whom you could be happy with.

    Don't be shocked if you encounter him in ten or twenty years and discover that he looks back on this stage of his life and wishes he spent more time living rather than constantly working. But that's his lesson to learn. I think you need to learn how to let hopeless causes go.

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    • RoseIsabella

      Bravo!

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  • leggs91200

    Some people do not have time for a relationship.
    The only thing you can do is to move on to someone who does have time.

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  • SwickDinging

    Sounds like this guy is being honest - he clearly is interested from everything that you've said.

    The proof will come when his house is sorted and he claims he will have more time. And even if he still continues to work a lot, that doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he might just need the money for some other thing or be a natural workoholic. Some people are just wired that way

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  • RoseIsabella

    Take him at his word until his actions prove otherwise. I think he's a very hardworking, and motivated young man. Try not to be too insecure. He probably doesn't text you very often, because he doesn't want to be distracted at his work.

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    • That’s what I think Rose. But him saying he’s too busy to date etc kinda means he doesn’t want to date me?

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      • Boojum

        So is all this really about your ego? You think that he's just using work as an excuse, while the fact is that he just doesn't want to spend time with you, and that hurts?

        Even if that's the case, so what? He has the right to have an opinion about you and about how well you and him mesh. But his opinion of you is no more than that. It isn't some divine judgement handed down from on high that means you are forever cursed to be alone because you're a totally despicable person.

        Take him at his word. He says he's too busy to date, so believe that he's too busy to date. You can over-analyse until the cows come home, but the fact is that he's not able or willing to spend time with you. Accept that and move on.

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      • RoseIsabella

        No, it means he's really busy. If you don't like it you might have to move on with your life, find someone else. If you really like this guy then your best option is to take him at his word, and see where things go.

        I do rather suspect that part of you is disappointed that he is not texting you during his work hours, or trying to rearrange his schedule to accommodate you. Just try to relax, see where this goes, and find something to do in your free time instead of pining for this dude to change his whole life for you.

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        • Well he said this ‘thats Exactly it I should be finding time but I’m not, I’ve reallt enjoyed our dates and I do like you but I guess I’m not interested sorry ‘

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          • RoseIsabella

            Damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

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            • Again; doesn’t make sense haha. ‘Yeah I do want to see you, yes I am interested, your not like others, to I do like you but I guess I’m not interested?’

              How has it gone from all this week him messaging me first to this 🤷🏼‍♀️ Guess he had a better offer lol

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