Why do some women call shy male work colleagues gay?

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19 Comments

This happened when I was 23 and again at 30 and 32. It seems to follow me all my life.

At 23 I was working in a large department store 'B&Q' in Britain.

There was a female attractive blonde 8/10 there that seemed to enjoy shaming me by name calling and throwing insults.

Cliffs:

- She was an 8/10, 19 years old, and me a 5/6 out of 10 (sorry for rating peoples looks but I thought its needed)
- She worked on a different department
- I never spoke to her
- I never approached her
- I never eyeballed or perved on her
- Never showed any interest in her
- Never really spoke to any one (was shy)

The first insult she aimed at me was: "he's sooo gay" while she was standing with another member of staff (a male around 19 yrs age).

The second insult was "he's sucha loser" whilst standing with a female member of staff.

Both these occured as I walked past.

Why do women do this? I would never treat a girl like this, shy, ugly, pretty... you name it. I could never treat an innocent person, let alone a work colleague just minding their own business this way.

• Was she secretly attracted to me and so by calling me gay me she thought it would spurn me into action to go and talk to her?

• Was it a 'shit test' to see how I react (some women do this)

• Was she generally disgusted by my presence? / thought I was ugly (some guys just have that vibe)

• Did she honestly think I was gay (in looks or behaviour).

• Was she trying to display her 'higher value' over me? (we both did the same job: shelf stacking).

• She was just an evil bitch

Voting Results
28% Normal
Based on 47 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago | pl

    I've seen women doing this too. Being a moron isn't something that men have a monopoly on. It can be quite difficult to tackle because there's a disparity about how it is dealt with. When it's against men, it's seen as a joke and - worse - complaining about it is seen as unmanly and may result in further gibes (i.e. "why don't you cry to your mummy about it?")

    As keen as I am for equality and fairness, it doesn't just apply to the people who are traditionally seen as victims. I think some people think they can get away with certain behaviour if they belong to a group which is normally the victim; that they have the moral right on their side when really, the morality is about the behaviour, not the gender of the traditional victim.

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  • charli.m
    11 years ago

    Because some people are pathetic.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you work with some immature female Dobermans. Me thinks that there is a possibility that they might be reacting to you not hitting on them or doting on them like they are probably used to most other men doing. These kind of women tend to end up with men that treat them about as badly as she thinks it's OK to treat you.

    I know I'm probably going to get flack for saying this, but I have worked in retail and fast food and those kind of places tend to attract the shittiest people sometimes.

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    • ProseAthlete
      11 years ago

      I'll agree with you that there are some lousy people in the world today, and the woman in question does sound like a jerk, but his PUA jargon tells me there's far more to this story than just what he's revealed here.

      Maybe it's just my antipathy for people who rate women as if we exist for their entertainment and pleasure and his use of pick-up artist terms that makes me suspect he isn't just a blameless innocent here, but I suspect he's not the best human being on the face of the planet.

      However, I also realize that doesn't excuse someone treating him so callously.

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        I try to assume the best of the OP in many situations but on this count, it's possible that you're correct.

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  • thegoat
    11 years ago

    i think you should not generalize her behaviour saying that why do women call shy male as a gay. because she is acting like that and she is soo wrong. it does not mean every female colleague thinks the same way. don't be upset just because you have an idiot coworker.

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  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    Are you sure she was even talking about you? One hundred percent, absolutely, inviolably sure? If so, then yes, she was kind of an asshole as some young, shallow people tend to be.

    However, you're kind of an asshole yourself for rating people based on their physical attractiveness. You say you "would never treat an innocent person this way," but the fact that you even mention relative appearances tells me otherwise. You're right; people do note others' appearances, and they do treat them differently because of it. None of us are immune to it, but civilized human beings don't use it as a basis to rate people.

    You are also using the jargon of the PUA, or pick-up artist, and I guarantee you that every man who falls for that garbage is without exception pathetic and loathsome to any woman with a functioning bullshit detector. It stinks of desperation and old, crusty jizz-rags. Women hate it, and they hate the men who practice it. Chances are, if you used any of your PUA stuff on her or anyone near her, then she just marked you for what you were -- a loser.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    Why on Earth did you think that rating her looks would be "needed"? Ew.

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    • dom180
      11 years ago

      Erm... because the OP thought it might have been important? Looks are not separate from behaviour; sometimes people act differently if they're insecure about how they look, or try to exert dominance over people who look better or worse than them because of some feeling they have about how attractive they are. So the OP included it because it could have been important.

      Also, I completely fail to see how rating looks is either creepy or gross.

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    • ProseAthlete
      11 years ago

      Thank you for that. It really annoys me that the OP thought that was at all relevant to the discussion.

      When I talk about how other people treat me, I don't see how it's relevant if they're pretty/handsome or ugly. And isn't the OP himself whining about how people treat him based on his appearance? Isn't it a bit ridiculous to then turn around and rate others' appearances?

      Is it somehow worse to be thought gay by an "8/10 blonde" than by a "2/10 brunette," or is it okay if people ugly enough to be invisible think he's gay?

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  • DavidS.
    11 years ago

    unfortunately, shyness and being stuck up look the same to people...people want attention and acknoledgement on some level...there is a beatiful girl where i work...when we pass in the hall ...she never says hi or even looks at me ever...i fucking hate this girl with a passion..a little hello would be nice ...but never...and i hate her

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  • STOIC
    11 years ago

    People are evil assholes. That's why i hate them as a whole.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    Ok you should really ignore this and I do not think all women think men like this are gay. I think she just felt like being a bitch especially if she was that close and did not care if you heard. Ignore the whore and get on with your life. I also do not think you deserve this type of treatment for being shy. I think she just felt like harrasing you since you are so quiet. People tend to do this type of thing but it seems like such a Highschoolish thing to do.

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  • goingcrazy
    11 years ago

    options 1,3,5 and 6

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  • WasThatAMoth
    11 years ago

    Cause they are shallow ass whores...haha just kidding.

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  • ToxicCrayons
    11 years ago

    immature name calling

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  • Maya05
    11 years ago

    You haven't seen guys do this before? I was harassed by more guys then girls. Almost all of them using the gay comment at least once.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    I think it's unhealthy you are still upset after all these years over what a colleague said about you. It happened at least 9 years ago.

    We can't definitively say why that girl said what she said - we don't know her reasoning, we can't ask her. Our guess is as good as yours, or worse in fact. Not all women are the same, thus your three similar experiences may have been because of three distinct reasons. 'Why do women do this?' leads to the the kind of clichéd supposition you get in girly magazines ('What men are really thinking when they say 'I love you', What women really mean when they say 'you're pretty' etc.). It isn't beneficial and is only an opportunity to slag these girls off on your behalf, or in fact add to the confusion.

    Find her and ask her if it is still bothering you after 9 years, or just move on. I vote the latter.

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  • davesumba
    11 years ago

    it's quite simple really. girls seem to think if a guy is nice, it means he has to be gay. and if a guy doesn't talk much, he is a loser.

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