Why do some girls resist help? confused.

22 Comments

I haven't experienced this with guys. Girls yes. Primarily with one friend doesn't feel comfortable receiving help. Needless to say she doesn't ask for help to begin with. For example she's been unemployed for a few weeks and would rather live on the absolute bare minimum right now than let me give her a couple hundred dollars. And we're 'apparently' very good friends.

And then there's a classmate who's a little more than an acquaintance. And when she realized her laptop wasnt compatible with the assignment software, I told her "Don't worry. I'll google some solutions or figure something out." Later, I told her I could give her my spare laptop (spare meaning I have a desktop and never use the laptop) for however many days so she can do her assignment. She said "That's awesome!" at first, but then days later instead paid to use the computers in some library, and told me "it wasnt your worry to worry about. thanks anyway" Weird

Is this normal? Can anyone explain why? Are just American girls like this? I'm not originally from the US. So I don't know if it's a cultural conflict or something.

Normal	27
Not Normal	3
Other	8

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Comments ( 22 )

iEatZombies_

9 years ago

As an American woman, I'm prone to being wary of kindness because a lot of people feel something is owed back to them, and it's often sexual (men) or monetary (women). Personally, I'd rather do things myself than have this 'unspoken favor' I'm supposed to return, especially because people usually want back more than they give.
If we lived in a society where people could simply do what they can when they can and that was enough, I would accept help. Unfortunately, that's not the case. We're all supposed to be able to depend on each other -we're built for that- but we can't..

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Thatgirl919

9 years ago

I don't know I don't like borrowing anything from people for some reason it makes me feel guilty or uncomfortable unless we are close friends

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(s)aint

9 years ago

I'd feel as a man would expect something back from me If I accepted such a favour from him, but I'd accept your gifts but make it clear that I wont be in a position to return the favour any time soon.

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LAR23

9 years ago

Actually I read in some history book that the Great Depression in the U.S. was categorized as a men's issue because most of the women would rather live in poverty than bring attention to their situation

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- LAR23
  
  9 years ago
  
  Also maybe others aren't like this, but I personally hate getting help from men
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    9 years ago
    
    Don't you think that's a little sexist, and something you want to try changing? I am confident in my competency and self-sufficiency, yet I am completely fine receiving help from a girl and don't feel it makes me any less of a man.
    
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    - LAR23
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yes i agree it's not a good thing, but it's beyond annoying when someone tells me to get help from a guy because I'm "too weak" or I "need a man to do it" or whatever. So I'd rather do it on my own, which transformed into me wanting to do most things on my own haha
      
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      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        That sucks. It makes sense now why you hate it. Hopefully you come across people with mentalities that they want to help a person not because they think the person's incapable, but because they'd be pleased to help.
        
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        LAR23
        
        9 years ago
        
        I think most times guys are well intentioned, but there can still be that feeling of "I'm doing this because you're a girl," especially when it comes to physical or technical stuff
        
        I've gotten negative comments from men, but surprisingly the ones I've gotten them from the most were middle-aged+ women
        
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Nokiot9

9 years ago

There is a very thin grey line between pride and being stubborn.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  It is thin AND grey? Dang.
  
  That must be a hard line to see, Miss Nokia.
  
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Walterbasherdinger

9 years ago

A lot of times women feel like if they accept your help or a favor, that they owe you, or that it's an automatic ticket for you to get closer to them, when they'd rather maintain their current distance. Just one possible theory in a sea of theories.

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Sominn388

9 years ago

I'm like that too. It's a guilt thing. Also it puts you in a vulnerable situation where you feel inadequate. I suppose it might be in par with men avoiding the doctor ;)

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Iamagirl

9 years ago

I just feel horrible wen anyone spends money on me or helps me in some way that affects them poorly. Regardless of their gender. I get guilty easily though.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Affecting them poorly, that I can understand. But even then, you should be humbled by the fact that someone thinks of you so much they would share their sandwich with you given they didn't eat all day.
  
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  - Iamagirl
    
    9 years ago
    
    But some people feel like they don't deserve it and they are a bother. Some people feel as if they're just doing it out of pity. OR MAYBE THEY ARE DECIEVING YOU.
    
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dasugaknows

9 years ago

Its common in the US. These days girls try to not be dependent on men. I heard a discussion about this on the radio one day and apparently it also makes it hard to date and hard for men to approach or ask them out as well.

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reminiscent

9 years ago

I think its normal not to want to borrow large amounts of money from someone. People tend to feel like they need to pay yoit to mr back or they owe you. I could borrow a dollar and think nothing of it but anything over 5$ I feel like I need to pay the person back... its actually easier if you want to help someone to do it in small ways.
like maybe tell her you found a new recipe online and invite her to dinner to taste test then send her home with left overs because you could never finish it all before it went bad. This would help her save some money since she would no longer need to buy food for a few days.
Trading also helps. I used to buy this friend of mine lunch in college he was very poor. But as a trade he would help me with my math homework.

I would feel comfertable borrowing your laptop for a few days and returning it after.just as long as you didnt try to give It to me.

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WeirdMe

9 years ago

she could be scared of you, that you could want to have sex for her as payment. or that you could rape her..
Girls feel when a person is bad inside..
you must be a bad person i think..

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Hahaha. I did once try to tell her I was evil and sociopathic but she said she was too, and then stared at me for the next 5mins until I was hella uncomfortable
  
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  - WeirdMe
    
    9 years ago
    
    sounds perfectly strange, you should try to ask her out.
    
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- iEatZombies_
  
  9 years ago
  
  You shouldn't make such poor assumptions. You certainly shouldn't create stereotypes.
  
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Are You Normal?

Why do some girls resist help? confused.