Why do i feel guilty for hating my mother

Hi,I can not control the hatred that i feel towards my mother. I was sexually abused as a young child, she (knew about this)but continually through my adolesence i was told i was no good ! didnt have any friends ! everyone hated me ! the only job i would ever be any good at would be a prostitute ! not only emotionally abusive she would come into my room late at night (normally pissed up)drag me out of bed by hair,after taking many good hidings for no apparent reason, i finally snapped, resulting with me physically punching her to get her off me,i dont remember her attacking me after that, then she would phone all her friends to tell them what an evil little bastard i was.. I have 3 brothers, she was different with them, went and supported every football match they ever played in. One night she came home drunk, terrorised my 2 younger brothers and myself, she wished the devil to haunt all 3 of us, my poor younger brothers were petrified, i can still see the look on their faces.......ive literally battled with demons on many occasions throughout my life.. My parents are still together and i feel so sorry for my dad, hes 6ft4 big military man, just a shadow of himself, if he dares to go against anything she says,then he wont get fed.Shes a bully, control freak, manipulator,and moans about everything and every body... My parents dont live far from me,and are not in the best of health, why does she feel the need to let me know every illness she has (believe me theres lots) Ive been epileptic since my early teens (this can be brought on by a curse from a simpleton)never once did she take me to the doctors, just said i was putting it on. She would not talk to me for 10 years while i was bringing my children up,then came back into my life and expected me to be the same little girl that tried so hard to please!! Well im not that little girl no more, and she will never get the chance to hurt me again..