Why do i ask

I tend to think a lot. I don't remember always thinking a lot. Just kinda of giving opinions in my head on what happened. Just that, snowballed I guess, into this sort of. Oddity. My mother died when I was 14. And I cried sometimes. And had dreams she was still alive, and sometimes, we confused at the thought of living or dead. I get so confused sometimes, on who I am. What I want to be. Or what I should be. What others want me to be. And it bothers me, that people want me to be anything at all. I live with my dad, and step mom. And according to them I make their lives miserable. I don't make good grades. I haven't in a long time. Im irrational at times, very irritable. But others, I mesh with people perftectly, im very understanding, funny and nice. I just I get so dark, and just question everything. Why do I have to go to school? What am I going to do later on in life. I could never conform. Never settle down, I have this natural curiosity, this need to be apart of something. And that lately has changed. I no longer feel im missing out. I just kind of sleep, and sit around.Just thinking. I have images in my head, lonely memories I just happen upon in my head, and feel indescribable thing about them, feeling ive never head, feeling there and no words for. I wish I had people I could share them with. I dont know this is stupid.