Why cant i find the right friends

64% Normal
14 Comments

I am a 26 year male. I was kind of shy and introverted in school and not in touch with any friends from school.

My best friend from high school formed a new group in college and rarely hung out with me (We went to same coll). He only remembered me if he did not have company for a movie or to run an errand. He changed his phone no about a year back but did not notify me. We have not had a falling out but have also not spoken in a long time.
Another high school friend who I was close to did not turn out great. He seemed pretty jealous of my of my academic achievements in coll though I never shined it in his face. For many other reasons I cant really trust him anymore.

By the time I got into college I was not so shy as before and had also developed a sense of humor.
The group I hung out with in coll were nice to me on face, but I got a feeling it did not matter to them if I was part of the group. They would wait for each other for lunch and stuff but not for me. I stopped hanging out with them in junior year.

I went to graduate but was only close to my roommates and did not find any other friends. 2 of my roommates live near me and they had moved here before me and already had a group. I started hanging out with them but did not feel very included. They would make weekend plans but I was generally the last to know and felt it wouldn't matter if I was there or no.
With all this I have developed a trust issue I believe. I guess another problem is I look for a close friend in everyone and have some expectations and if they are not fulfilled I feel bad. So have stopped trying.
I believe I am sweet, smart and fun to be with. I like do lot of fun things. I know I could join clubs etc. I would find people with same interests, but not sure if I will emotionally connect with anyone like I would with a close friend.
I dont know why is it so difficult to find 1 good friend who I can trust, and genuinely like to spend time with.

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 33 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • gingerhead
    12 years ago

    i can seriously relate to ur problem. this has and still is happening to me countless times. sooner or later in life you will find someone you likes you and wants to be your frend because you're being YOU. when that time comes i dont know. but it will come. and when it does, dont get to clingy. that will cause your newfound frend to leave you. just hang in there until your time comes. IT WILL.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      thanks for the reply gingerhead. yes I am hopeful that I will meet like minded people(s) someday. though it gets a little frustrating sometimes. so have you found true friends yet?

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      • gingerhead
        12 years ago

        No I haven't but I am working on it. I still keep in touch with my old frends tho.

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  • hotaru77
    12 years ago

    I also ever got a question "Why I can't find a best friend?"
    I think the problem is within you, you can't trust everyone.
    You have to more active and try to befriend with everyone you meet. Just put your trust on them, think positively, and someday you could catch up a best friend forever :D

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  • SM12
    12 years ago

    I thought I would never get away from it all. I decided to do transition year and take a break from all the hastle. Those "friends" are now strangers to me and I have different groups of friends now. Never give more time to anyone who gives less time to you.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    12 years ago

    Thanks a lot for the replies everybody. I am really glad to read them. After reading the threads on this site, I do feel there are others in my situation too. However the main thing that bothers me is how come so many other people have a good set of friends, even people who are often times mean / rude / inconsiderate, but the nice ones cant.

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  • Pisslan616
    12 years ago

    I know the feeling of just being a tagalong. It was as if some people in our group were more valued than others. I was oftentimes the last to know about something they were planning and too late to join. As if I was always an afterthought.

    They would often exclude me from gossip as well. They may be talking about someone or something that was happening And when I asked what they what they were talking about they often refused to tell me. They said they didn't want to spread gossip despite the fact that they were speeding it amongst themselves and I was probably least likely to tell anyone. I just wanted to know what was going on in my circle of friends.

    This did get better towards the end of my school days. And at sixform I had a different circle of friend entirely and I seemed to fit in there pretty well.

    Nowadays I am with yet another totally different set of friends and although I can sometimes feel a bit like I used to at school on the whole thing are better.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Thanks for the reply. Hope you have a good set of friends now.

      cheers

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  • kellstar79
    12 years ago

    Maybe your trying to hard to make close friends. You have to be friends before you can get close. Also try organize something really fun and get them to join you so you have to e included. As for the other friend who changed his number, forget them, find someone who respects you

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Thanks for the reply. I dont think about that friend so much anymore. Actually he got married recently and sent me an invitation and it was as if he doesn't realize any difference in the friendship.I wouldn't care but it is like I keep befriending wrong people.

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  • SM12
    12 years ago

    I can relate to an extent. Although I'm still in high school, I've had a bad experience with an unreliable, untrustworthy group of people I used to call "friends". There's always going to be a time in someone's life when they feel that way. The best piece of advice anyone could give to you in that situation is don't think about it. As hard as that may seem, it is the most effective. You may be thinking, if I don't think about it and dont make an effort then how am I going to feel better? Well in my experience, if you don't over think about it, then your mind won't be working so hard to reconnect with the people you want to be closer to. It's best to keep in contact with them to an extent. Soon, you'll meet another person you have a lot in common with. Trust me, it's one of the hardest things to do but when you get through it you'll be so much stronger. Loneliness is a killer. But when you get through it you will be more confident in dealing with the negative people in your life.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Thanks a lot for the reply. I know it may just be a phase of life. If I dont find company, I try to do things I enjoy by myself and not think about it much. Just wish I could find a good friend soon. Hope things improve for you soon, if they are not good already.

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  • Redliner
    12 years ago

    Man, I know that feeling. Ever since I moved from FL to GA I haven't been able to really bond with anyone for basically these same exact reasons. It seems a bit hard to find decent people, however, it was fine back in FL, or maybe it was just because I knew the people back in FL for so long.

    Everyone here seems to already have their own little groups, and it's a bit tough being the 'new guy'. Hasn't worked for me since I moved here about two years ago, so I practically gave up too.

    Anyways, I think it's pretty normal though (although frustrating and difficult sometimes), but you're not alone I guess.

    Cheers,

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Thank you for your reply. Hope things get better for you soon too.

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