Why am i so proud of...?

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3 Comments

Is it normal to take great pride in some of my leavings? The normal everyday bowel movements mean nothing to me other than time for some sudoku. But sometimes, when I know it's going to be colossal, the puzzle I'm holding, along with the pencil, drops to the floor as I become paralyzed giving birth to a monumental wonder. Sometimes it needs to be seen without the veil of toilet paper on top. Even better if it's one of those that need not paper at all. Why is it even more exciting when it's in one solid piece, curling the smooth interior of the porcelain bowl? And when it curls, not just once but more, it becomes this mesmerizing, dizzying spiral of profound accomplishment. Why? I've even called my wife in to have a look. (She doesn't seem to appreciate this but oddly seems jealous to me.) I've left them as a surprise to unsuspecting visitors. I've even gone as far as taking a photo and tweeting it.

Other times when you know it felt gargantuan but instead of curling the bowl it was straight and is only peeking out the hole in the bowl it feels disappointing. Like I'm missing something, not getting the whole story. It would be too much to stick a fork in it and slide it out and behold all of it's heavenly glory, would it not? Obviously, I have considered it.

And then there's the shameful little whelps that don't deserve any praise. "Get rid of that thing, that's no good." (flush). "I'll just forget you ever existed."

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67% Normal
Based on 9 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • NerdyChickFTW
    11 years ago

    I'll look at my feces, but I don't treat it as if it's a trophy.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    Anyone who isn't, at least in some part, fascinated by what their body produces, is someone who is living in a very closed-off world.

    The one aspect that you didn't mention are those ones which come with pain. Like giving birth to something where the pain is so much, you wonder if you can take it, and you genuinely consider trying to abort the mission, but you also feel you need to suffer the pain because if you "squinch", it'll snap that bad boy in two, and you'll always be known as the person who couldn't deliver on his promises.

    When you get one of those out and it's not only as big as you imagined but bigger, so you stand in awe and wonderment and consider whether this is the biggest thing that will ever leave your body. About five to six years ago, something left my body that I wouldn't have thought possible. It wasn't just slightly bigger than behemoths of the past, it was fully double the size. It wasn't so much a Captain's log, as a Rear-Admiral's giant redwood. I believe it's within us all to produce, at least once in our lives, something so unbelievable that we genuinely consider that aliens are somehow involved. I have had my moment in the sun but I wish nothing but good luck to those who are awaiting theirs.

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    Amen brother.

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