Who would you rather put up with?

(If you HAD to choose one)

A) Jealous girlfriend: finds herself consumed with elaborately constructed fears regarding her partner’s potential betrayal whenever her partner is not in her visual proximity. To a well-adjusted person, the amount of energy the Jealous Girlfriend expends on such preoccupations most likely appears irrational and insane. One might even venture to say that the Jealous Girlfriend’s worries regarding betrayal approach the level of fantasy, as if she actually – for some reason – desired an instance of betrayal on her partner’s behalf. Most likely to be observed going through her partner’s email account, going through her partner’s text messages, repeatedly text messaging her partner when s/he’s out with friends, and ‘forcing’ her partner to come home early from social events because she is unable to handle the ongoing threat represented by her partner as an individual among other individuals gathered for the purpose of having fun.

B) The stressed out girlfriend: she is most often observed losing her shit over life’s most minor hurdles. From a distance, this can be comical, but to those directly involved, it can be a nightmare. What characterizes the events and situations that the Stressed Out Girlfriend gets stressed out about is that they’re generally meaningless obstacles that appear as the result of no person’s will or wish. For example, we are most likely to see the Stressed Out Girlfriend becoming loudly upset at the occurrence of forgetting her keys and having to ask her apartment manager for them, saying “I’m just upset, okay?! I’m just fucking upset, why can’t I be upset?! Jesus fuck, I can’t do this, I can’t go talk to him, I can’t!” Further examples of the Stressed Out Girlfriend reacting with an inordinate amount of intensity include: misplacing her cell phone charger and hearing the “BEEP BEEP” sound her phone emits to indicate that the battery is running low, missing a bus, and forgetting to bring her water bottle on a shopping day with her partner.

C) The depressed girlfriend: inconsolably dark, constantly wrapped up in doom-laden thoughts of the future, her relationships with her friends and family, and work/ school. The Needy and Depressed Girlfriend is more or less an abusive/ exploitative being, and this is most transparently evidenced by the fact that while she’s basically up against the same world and the same problems as everyone else in the Western World, she, for some reason, makes a huge, whiny deal about how she “can’t handle” them, and clings to her partner – using her or him, in a sense – as if s/he were a life raft. The Needy and Depressed Girlfriend is most likely to be cherished by her partner for some spark of brilliance to which they were once witness, which – in vein, most of the time – the partner is most likely to spend most of his or her time seeking. All the while, the Needy and Depressed Girlfriend is sucking the life out of the partner, using him or her as a crutch for her own insecurities and reliance on maladaptive coping mechanisms.

D) The in-it-for-the money girlfriend: she is with you for your cash. She wants you to spend every time you’ll go out and won’t do with anything cheap. In case you run out of money, you can be sure she won’t be by your side anymore. She is constantly demanding to go to the newest expensive restaurant, on a shopping spree, or to the caribbean. It's hard to keep her satisfied for long, buying her that new dress will only keep her quiet for a couple hours. She is always pushing you to buy her the next new thing. She also knows all your weak points and doesn't hesitate to take advantage of them to make you give her what she wants.

E) The hypochondriac girlfriend: always pale, always tired, always dizzy. If it's not her throat it's a killer headache, if it's not allergies it's a stomach ache. She manages to turn a cold into a serious condition effortlessly. Whenever she trips she instantly breaks three bones. You have to constantly carry her, give her massages, take care of her and bring her her medicines. Her favorite places are pharmacies and hospitals. Whenever you feel sick or tired she brings up her own problems and conditions, ignoring yours. Multiplying everything's size ten times, often says phrases like "Oh my god, I'm dying. This is it, I'm going to die" or "I need to talk to you, think I may have cancer".

F) The docile girlfriend: she is the girlfriend who will always put her boyfriend ahead of her. She has opinions and a mind that she can use, but she chooses to stir the way her partner wishes her too. She is certainly not dumb, but she chooses to believe or has been raised in a manner which suggests that the man is alpha, omega and everything in between. You can expect her to support you no matter what in whatever you chose to do or believe. She *never* disagrees with you, contradicts anything you say, or makes any decisions on her own. She always looks for your approval first. You can never work on your issues because, whenever you try to discuss anything, she just says "It's okay, let's do it your way".

G) The hot but stupid girlfriend: Fits perfectly the "dumb blonde" stereotype. Her looks make it up for her lack of brains. She is dumb and you knew it from the first moment, when you saw her talking to her dog, Sparkles. Always confusing words, never gets jokes and often shares publicly the most ignorant and embarrassing opinions on politics or other matters of interest. Impossible to have a serious conversation with her or anything like a real conversation at all. All she likes to talk about is make up, tv shows, hollywood gossip and sex. Her friends are stupid too. Be warned, you'll probably be waken up at three in the morning by a phone call from her, asking you how to turn off her house alarm. On the good side, she is ridiculously good in bed, very sexual, and fairly easy to keep happy. She has a trust fund and a rich dad too.

Feel free to add new girlfriend options in the comments, such as the know it all girlfriend, the party girlfriend, the boring girlfriend, or the "mom" girlfriend.