Who is wrong?

10 Comments

I met a guy. I only wanted to be friends because I was already dating another guy. But he said, he isn't interested in a friendship with me and if I won't have sex with him, he will cut off contact. Because I liked him, didn't want him to leave but also didn't want to cheat on the other guy, I lead him on, acting as though I would have sex with him some time in the future.
When he found out I was still only interested in friendship, he said I was exploiting him, have no empathy and cut off contact.
Was I exploiting him? What did I do wrong?
He didn't buy me gifts, dinner or anything, we just chatted and he gave me some tips which I thought was a friendship.

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Comments ( 10 )

IrishPotato

5 years ago

You were wrong. You exploited him and lead him on.

You essentially already cheated on your boyfriend.

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SwickDinging

5 years ago

Don't lie to people about your intentions. Never ends well.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  But then they won't do what I want them to.
  
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  - SwickDinging
    
    5 years ago
    
    Ok fine, lie to people and continue to have the same problem.
    
    What do you want people to say here?
    
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    Yeah, and people in Hell want ice water. Lying to manipulate people is immoral, and just plain wrong.
    
    You need to accept that not everyone is gonna want to do what you want them to do, and that's okay, because people have a right to their own ideas, and opinions. People have the right make their own choices, and do as they so choose even if their choices don't include you, or your plans. It's called free will.
    
    How would you like it if someone lied to you to get what he, or she wanted? I bet you wouldn't like it one bit. You need to learn to treat others the way you would like to be treated. You need to detach from this guy in your mind and accept that things are as they should be.
    
    Acceptance is the answer to ALL of your problems today.
    
    When you are m disturbed, it is because you find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to you, and you can find no serenity until you accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
    
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Lestat565

5 years ago

You were wrong. Not him he made it clear that he didn’t want friendship. And instead of leaving it at that. you manipulated him. If I was him I’d do the same thing. If I was your boyfriend I’d kick you to the curb for something like this as well.

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Meowypowers

5 years ago

If you care about the one you're with you won't fuck with some other.

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RoseIsabella

5 years ago

Who cares what that guy thinks, he was a dirtbag anyway, because all he wants is sex, and he wasn't interested in anything else... but what's your part in this whole mess? Whether you like it, or not you have a part in this whole thing, chica. If you have a boyfriend already what the Hell are you doing trying to be friends with some jerk who isn't interested in anything except getting laid. You were well on your way to cheating on your boyfriend, if you haven't already emotionally cheated on him. Let's be honest you didn't really like that guy, because what's there to like about a self serving fuck boy type? You just liked the way he looked. I'm not especially mad at ya, because I think the guy you were leading on was a dirtbag, but the problem with you is that you are willing to lie to other people to get what you want.

What is that dirtbag guy supposed to empathize with here? People don't generally empathize with those who lie to them. I think that guy is a jerk, but at least he's an honest jerk, whereas you are willing to lie to have a fake friendship with a guy who is a user. I honestly don't think you were really exploiting him, because he was planning on exploiting you anyway. You can't play a player.

The real problem here is that you were chasing after a phony friendship with someone who was only interested in sex, and you were doing this while you are already in a relationship with someone else. I'm glad that you at least didn't sleep with the guy, because that was the smartest thing you did here. Even if you were single, that guy would not be good friendship material.

I am curious though, what were these tips he gave you? You're actually lucky that you aren't single, because that guy would have probably just used you for sex, and thrown you away, because that's what those type of guys do.

Also, I do really feel bad for your boyfriend, because you have a wandering eye.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  He gave me tips on how to study better at university for example or on where there are cheap places to work out. Or fashion advice.
  To be honest, I was naive at first and thought that I could just become friends with him. I didn't think he had ulterior motives at first. I really don't understand why guys don't want to be just friends with women. :(
  I only wanted to become a better girlfriend with the other guy's advice because I felt insecure. I didn't actually want to betray my boyfriend.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    Well, unfortunately that guy is a scumbag. I'm glad that you weren't looking to cheat on your boyfriend. I'm relatively sure that you can search Google for a lot of the information that guy gave you. Also there are lots of interesting videos on YouTube that can give you similar advice, and helpful hints as well.
    
    Regardless, it's not okay to lie to people to get them to do what you want. It's not okay to lie, and manipulate.
    
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