Who has used a helpline eg samaritans? is it normal to be afraid of counselling

I have.

Don't worry, they are there to listen, not judge. Say what you want, or say nothing.

I'm confused

I've never done it, but I do know someone who regularly volunteers at one such helpline. She's one of the kindest, most caring people I'm fortunate enough to know, and if she is a fair representative of helpline volunteers then I can confidently say you will not be judged.

People who volunteer on helplines aren't likely to be the judgemental sort. They do it because they want to help people like you. They are required to go through basic training. If they are experienced, they have probably heard many stories like yours before. I can't promise you won't be judged, but I can say I have no reason to suspect you will be judged.

Call and hang up right away.

Then call back and try to talk to them.

I've done it.