Which event had the most impact on you?

Duke selling the Bush's baked beans recipe.
Every company that manufactures beans got a hold of it. Suddenly, the price of fine quality beans dropped. EVERYBODY was able to afford beans.

Eventually, specialty beans got it's own aisle at the supermarket. Canned beans were being consumed in such massive numbers that the government double-taxed beans and reduced the deficit in only three years. The American obesity rate dropped as the diet of the average American became little but beans, pork and jam and the farmers that produced beans were able to profit enough to produce fine fruits and berries.

The overall health of the nation improved. We were able to impose a system of socialized healthcare because doctor's visits became somewhat of a rarity. Everybody was in great health and experiencing fantastic vitality. Health care costs dropped by alarming rates due to lack of demand and an easing on the system. We didn't even need to raise taxes, the money was just there.

The health care industry suffered, now well trained nurses and doctors were out of work but were picked up by pharmaceutical companies and were able to dedicate their time and resources to finding cures for diseases such as cancer. All was prosperous.

However, in the midst loomed a silent but deadly danger that we ignored in our prosperity, good health and vitality. The sheer amounts of methane being expelled from our assholes built up in our atmosphere and the hole in the ozone grew just as quickly as the canned food industry. Even our reduced use of vehicles due to our new-found love of walking did little to help us.

Our greatest scientists went to work immediately trying to figure out just how to fix this. Global temperatures rose to such a degree that even the most patented farming techniques were unable to keep the bean plants from dying in the incredible heat. All of our money and resources went to keeping the greatest global commodity of all time alive, we had no other choice. We knew no better than to eat beans. Heat strokes became as rampant as the black plague, something had to be done.

All over the country, politicians, activists and scientists begged us all to stop eating beans but we wouldn't listen. Eventually, the ice-caps melted and 3/4 of the Earth's population drowned in scalding hot water. Eventually, we got the message, but too little to late. Most of us were gone.

Friends, loved ones, all gone. It took several billion casualties to teach us that Bush made a horrible mistake. As we rebuild, we will have children and teach them and future generations the importance of keeping a secret.

Oh god! That reminds me of the time they tried to water all our crops with Gatorade. But I have to say the grande opening of the bridge from San Francisco to Toyoko had a huge impact on me personally.

Although I was sad to see the phone book go. I have nostalgia for my old booster seat.

9/11

The remake of 'Twins' starring Cee Lo Green and 'The Rock'.

Funniest thing I have read all day. OP please tell me who you are, I want to be your friend.

We cannot live without cats. What a sad world that would be.

Funny! Funny! Funny! Please Mr. or Ms. Moderator, let this one through so other people can see it.

P.S. No more phone books? As if that'd ever happen. :P

Gerard Way refusing to live at my house.

For me it was Dolphins conquering the world and destroying over 90% of the earths land surface, enslaving humanity and making me the leader by turning me into a dolphin with some weird spell!

Sue Perkins pretending to be a lesbian.

This. is. epic. :'D

Mandatory haircut act?!?!?! Eeeeeekk!!! I'd watch the twins movie though hehe

Cloning Elvis wasn't so shocking, but his love triangle with queen Elizabeth and the pope was.

I wouldn't be surprised if most of those things actually happened.

I am still wanting my powered laces so I don't have to tie my shoes anymore beyond 2015.

Hahaha. For me, I think it was when turtles turned into house cats.:P Funny post!

9/11