Whether such relationships are normal?

So from what should I start? Maybe from that that I never told my mom that I love her nor she said that to me. I never hugged her or said any comforting words nor at the time she cried for some reason or to just express my feelings nor she did that to me. For real I never felt that I love her, sometimes I felt hate but not all the time. She is never proud of me or encourages me. When I get best grades at school she wouldn't really react she would just say 'Cool' and that's all.. then I started say that she doesn't react to it then she started to pat my head whenever I get good grades..but I don't like her touching me..ehh..I don't like her reactions, her behavior, the way she talks.. Sometimes it looks like she really doesn't like me but holds it in herself just cause I'm her daughter. One time when I was still little she slapped me to the face just because I accidentally bitten her finger when she was giving me a cookie. She looked so angry like the hate she holds suddenly exploded.She of course said sorry immediately but..still. That stuck in my mind so hard. I have once been into deep depression but got out of it by myself. I think I got in it because of her. She is quite pessimistic, not totally but.. and sometimes I feel like I was born in wrong family. I always want to think positively and no one in THIS family is thinking like that..that gave me a depression. I feel like if I would be in different family [more optimistic and encouraging one] I would be much more happier. So what do you think is this normal? such a feeling from me? and such a mom? does she hate me? and what should I think about myself ? do I hate her? I don't get it. I'm 18 so I'm not a stupid teenage girl with hormone storms anymore. oh I forgot to mention that I don't have a father. He left my mom when he got to know that she is pregnant. So is THIS normal? or my life is really f***ed up?