When should you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend you have asperger's?
Hello there, boys and girls!
*SHORT VERSION*
Picture this: You have Asperger's, and it's been a major part of your life. You do prefer to keep it a secret though.
You meet a lovely lady/handsome man and you start dating that person. How long will you wait before you tell that person about your Asperger's?
*LONG VERSION*
I'm just sharing my experiences here for people who are interested in the syndrome. Read if you want to.
As you would've probably guessed from this poll, I have Asperger's. I have already improved in a number of ways, but I still have some difficulties with some sort of things.
I'm perfectly capable of flirting with people and getting a date. However, I do have some problems when things get serious. In a relationship, people expect you to be open. But I'm traumatized when it comes to Asperger's
Some teachers treated like an emotionless idiot. They tried explaining Asperger's syndrome to me like this: "your brain is a big fuse box and you're missing a couple of fuses".
Charming, no?
Hell, some teachers were scared of me. At the time, there was a serial killer on the loose with Asperger's. They assumed I was like him. They thought I was some psycho, devoid of emotion and empathy. Someone who could snap and attack them any second.
The counselors wanted me to tell everyone I have Asperger's, so people could 'understand' me. But I didn't want people to know.
Have you ever seen someone a kid who comes clean about his Asperger's? What happens when you do that, is... you lose your identity. You quit being 'Mike' or 'Suzy', and you become 'the kid with Asperger's'.
They threatened to kick me out of school if I didn't accept their 'help' and came clean about my condition.
This might seem odd to you, so I'll explain. In my country schools get funding for every kid with a 'disability'. As soon as I'd make my condition public, they'd make money out of me (or that's at least why I think they did it.
It was a terrible mental strain. I spent four years where I had to listen everyday to what kind of retarded monster I was. I couldn't even go out on the playground with the other kids. I had to spend my time going either to the counselor or the principal's office. It was brainwashing, really.
Anyway, I spent my first year in college socializing like crazy, in an effort to work on my social skills. Right now, I'm perfectly capeble of landing a date with someone. I still have a lot of flaws, though.
My main problem right now is having a relationship. I have no problems to land a date, and I'm very grateful for that. However, I do have some problems with relationships.
This Asperger's thing has had a major impact of my life. I'm still traumatized by it. I know you can say stuff like "you shouldn't bother about what people say", but this is a little more complex.
*THE PART WHERE HE FINALLY GETS TO THE POINT*
Right now, women are usually upset that I'm not very open. I never lie to someone I like, but there are some subjects about which I plainly say I do not wish to talk about. Naturally, some women find this disturbing.
If I tell it too early though, she'll stop seeing me as her boyfriend and start seeing me as a mental patient. And if she ever gets mad at me for some reason and breaks up, she might go tell other people about my condition.
However, I shouldn't keep it a secret forever. Some women get turned off when I refuse to talk about certain subjects. Also, I take longer before I move things to a physical level, and some women find that frustrating. Moreover, sometimes I do have the need to talk about these experiences.
Also, some of my highschool experiences were very unusual. She might not even believe me.
So... when is the best time to talk about something that's been a major part of my life, and yet so private?
Have you read it to the end? Thanks! You're a great person, not like those lazy schmucks who stopped eight paragraphs ago.
| What would you do? (comment) | 22 | |
| Tell him/her at the first date | 64 | |
| Tell him/her after the first kiss | 50 | |
| Tell him/her when you've had sex | 27 | |
| Tell him/her when you've been together for six monts | 98 | |
| Tell him/her when you're moving in together | 11 | |
| Never tell that person. No one can understand this. | 48 |