When should children who are adopted find out?

4 Comments

Ok I know a lot of people I have met over my lifetime so far are adopted and they were split on how they found out about it. Some were told by their adopted parents and others guessed it by the difference in appearance from their adoptive parents, deciding to find out on their own. I personally believe that a child who is adopted should be told that they were adopted and any possible reason that was given for them being given up for adoption. I think the child deserves to know what is going on so that there is no confusion or problems later due to concerns the child may have. I think they should be told pre-teen age about it because by that point they are beginning to mature somewhat and I believe they can handle the full conversation. So my questions for this debate comes in two parts : 
1. Do you believe a child should be told or not about being adopted and the circumstances surrounding it ? 
2. If you decide yes, then at what age do you think the child be told and why that age ?

adult 1
other 0
figure it out on their own 2
pre-teen 6
as children 12
never 1
teen 1
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Comments ( 4 )
  • charli.m
    9 years ago

    If I were to adopt, I think i'd make it known to the child from the beginning. It just seems to be the most logical thing. If you explain to the child that you were unable to have a biological child or chose to adopt for whatever reason, and that they were the child you wanted to parent, they'll just grow up accepting that for what it is. It seems to me that being told at a later date, or worse, working it out themselves, would have the greater potential for damage, emotionally speaking - being lied to, the child may become alienated.

    That's just how I feel about it, other people and situations may be different.

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  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    I don't feel that it is neither necessary nor selfish if you decide to not tell a child that it is adopted.
    Why should it matter? You spend years of your life taking care of the child, doing the job that its actual parents were meant to do.
    You are the child's parent. So why drop a bombshell on the kid?

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  • Dazed_dreamer
    9 years ago

    as soon as they understand what adoption is about.

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  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    My husband came from a vending machine. That was how his sisters saw it when they were kids. His parents never sat down to have a talk, it was just a fact of life. He came to be a part of the family because his parents wanted a boy and didnt want to leave it to chance.

    I think it's healthier, it doesn't shock or change their world, it just is.

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