What the hell is wrong with me?

Your answer is in your question:

"Maybe it's my depression, anxiety and paranoia."

Ummm, that might be maybe PART of the reason.

I met another woman on the bus two weeks ago and she is attractive, positive and has a lot to talk about, like I do. I can pick up on any "strangeness" from other people and tend to stay away. As I get older, I see those types of people have caused a sh*tload of problems in my life in the past. Older men (over 30) I think will be more selective.

Depression is fixable. Mine was caused by repetition of negative thinking that *I* CHOSE to fill my mind with.

Anxiety and paranoia is only YOU driving YO-SELF crazy. I have met a few young beauts like you. No reason why an attractive (a little chunky) and young 26 year old to not have her choice of men.

You need to relax about this. These things take time and members of the opposite sex can pick up on desperation very quickly.

Also why do you want babies before you're 30? This isnt the 40 where you're only going to live to be 60. People are living for longer periods and you will most probably still be working when you're 70. You can't plan your life around some preconceived schedule.

Your biggest issue though, is your poor self image. The second fucken thing you mentioned about yourself is that you're overweight. If that's such a big issue for you then eat less and start working out.

But above everything else, just fucken relax... Shake it off your shoulders and the rest will happen by itself. You'll see.

I'm reading between the lines and it seems to me that you're looking for guys that are more attractive than you're able to attract.

I'll be honest I'm in the same boat. I used to be very well built, 6 pack and all, but let myself go due to university then my career.

I used to date very hot girls (when I was fit) but nowadays I don't get much attention from women-plus I'm too busy to be more social.

Fortunately I have good genes and I know once I'm in shape again, I'll get the kind of girls I used to date or close. Women are as superficial as men generally though they don't admit it. So like me you just need to hit the gym.

Fussy people die alone

True story

ok your problem is that you cant get the right connection with a guy - there is no sexual tension, without that, yer out of luck i guess and your looking in the wrong places, and are right to say that the guys at bars and clubs are wrong for you, you can wait on mr right but you dont have to, you just need to know how to select and where to look, first of all write down everythin you want in a guy, put it away for a week and forget about it, set an alarm on your phone a week later as a reminder to go get it and review it,this time whn you look at think... where would my ideal guy be right now... sexy yet intulectual, perhaps hes at waterstones windin down with a goodbook, or sociable yet relaxed, perhaps hes at costa coffee o starbucks? you need to think about where he is, add the locations of where you think he might be and hang about in those places trust me im an expert at these things, when you enter the places though you need to get ready to enter the game and select and approach someone you like, for more info leave me a comment x

You're perfectly normal to me, hun (: I may be young, but I'm experienced. You're just how I feel most of the time; "How am I ever gunna find a guy?" I weigh 9 stone, that's overweight in my vocabluary, but many guys ask me out, well, maybe because I'm big chested, but that's not the point, the point is, I believe you should always wait for Mr. Perfect. Believe me, if you stop looking and wait, you won't regret it. You'll find him someday, I garantee it, hun.

How is it not normal? Simply called being human.

Dude. Really? It's just music. Get over it.

dont look for perfection look to see if they meet your requirements

and relax let fate do the magic

by the way being overweight is not attractive
there is a difference between pretty and attractive

pretty is neck up and attractive is neck down

I think there is perfectionism on your part in this. How you describe yourself (not that flattering); how you find fault with the "decent" guys you've met; how you get scared and bummed out. There is a lot to what Solimorphic is saying about negative thinking. You can change how you think about things. Consider help with depression through cognitive therapy.

You need to diet and excercise, and get yourself straight before you date any more men. You may have family issues to deal with. Don't date any more men, at least more than coffee dates until you get your depression taken care of. Don't be a fail boat.

You are obviously either setting your expectations to high, or your just one of those people who nobody is good enough for. (Probably the second)
Have fun dying alone!

Well....Interesting. Um, I think eventually you will find someone, but instead of dwelling on that, and WAITING for that to happen, just tend to yourself, do the things you enjoy, hang with friends (not neccesarily when they go bar hoppin though, since you stated that's not exactly your scene)

And just don't think about it for say....6 months to a year, studies have proven that when you're not looking for a relationship, and just focusing on yourself and goals you've made for yourself, you attract other goal oriented/succesful and more like yourself.

Then again, you may just read my comment and say "ah to hell with her", doesn't matter to me either way, best of luck!!

you can never find a gy when your looking for it or if its on your mind alot. Maybe try to focus on other aspects of your life and be content with that and then your perfect guy will pop out of no where. i found you cant be happy in a relationship if your not happy on your own or worring about not being in a relationship. you sound just like my best friend, she always pushes guys away that like her and goes for the ones that end up treating her badly in the end

to add to my last comment comment i am a guy and have a girlfriend who deals with problems i try to tell her things to help her with the problems. and as well she is not the most hottest person on the planet.

first off you need to relax. overweight doesent necessarily mean you cant get anyone. the secont thing is that a little overweight means that you can have a baby easier. and you don't have to be hot to get a good man.

If you are looking for perfection, you are being unrealistic.

If you're pushing them away instead of the other way around, then you've got nowhere to point your finger at but yourself. I don't know what method you end up using when pushing potential mates away, be it subtle, direct, arguments, etc, but your behavior is entirely up to you. It isn't going to magically change for you--you'll have to honestly work at it.

don't listen to these people, they leave the same fucking comments about fat people and "niggers" on every fucking thing.
I weigh 105 pounds and have the same problem, so it's got nothing to do with weight, and you don't seem that self-conscious about it anyway, so that's good.
I'm only 18 so I guess it's not that much of a problem for me yet but I want to have babies before i'm 26 so...ya. I always think "ya, whatever, I've got plenty of time, I'll naturally meet someone that's perfect for me who I won't find anything wrong with eventually, blahblahblah". and people always complain that younger people whine about how they don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend but they've got so much time and it's ridiculous. well, it's not. time flies by quickly and just because "there's plenty of time" doesn't mean anything's gonna happen during that time.
so what I'm trying to say is, I have absolutely no advice for you, lol. but don't get desperate and settle either. if you end up not being able to have children but find a guy you really love, that's not the end of the world right? and maybe you won't get menopause that early, who knows?
but don't wait around. yes, it's good to just let it be, but if you don't meet any new people, you can wait until you're 500 years old and nothing's going to happen. i mean, you don't have to meet people JUST to find a boyfriend, right? hang out with some of your friends' other friends, go to a play, a museum, take a walk downtown, talk to random people, you can meet the most awesome people at the most random places. haven't had time to try it out for myself 'cause of school and all, but good luck. tell me how it goes.