What should i text him back?

47% Normal

Guys are clearly known to leave their girl hanging through text, calls, etc. But we get it...well at least I do. Guys need their space and I respect that. I learned from an expert's article that sometimes these types of commitment phobic guys are the types to have long-term goals and are too busy thinking of the future instead of the present. I can totally relate to this as my guy is goal-oriented which is one of the reasons why I'm into him. He has his future planned and yeah I feel like I can be in the way of that every time I bring up drama such as leaving me hanging. His response is because he's focusing on looking for jobs and his career and when he focuses on one thing, that's all he's paying attention to at the moment. I didn't believe it as much until I found out from a lot of guys that that's how they are as well.
So I texted him something sweet and all of a sudden he didn't respond for the rest of the day, the next day all day until yesterday at night. Did I respond? Nope. I learned not to respond and be so easy and predictable. Plus, I'm assuming he needed his "space" this whole time so I'm giving it to him. PLUS, I'm not going to be there every time he wants me to be there. It's unfair. But today is a new day and I plan to text him back but I'm not sure what to tell him. I don't want to text him something of the ordinary like everything's fine and let him slide. But I also don't want to bother him and ask "why didnt u text me back?""were you that busy to contact me and tell me youre busy and youll get back to me?"
We have been through this already and he's already given me a reason why he'll go MIA all of a sudden. If he's busy and stressed because of getting his career started, I want to be there for him and pretty much tell him that without coming off too vulnerable cause I'm done being too nice to him. I would love to tell him I'll always be here for you but I have felt like my feelings have been taken for granted before. So what can I text him? Please serious answers only. Thanks.

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47% Normal

Based on 15 votes (7 yes)

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Comments ( 45 )

pastor_of_muppets

9 years ago

I do EXACTLY the same as "your guy" does. Let me tell you why I do it and maybe it will help you see something you may have overlooked.

Okay, for one: He's not busy focussing on one thing (ie His career), he is busy ignoring you. Why? Because you are becoming TOO MUCH to deal with.

You come across as one of those girls who over-analyze EVERYTHING. That is a huge turn off and also a huge problem starter. It may be because you are really sweet, gentle and caring...or...it may be because you are controlling and want everything to go YOUR WAY. I choose the latter and i'll tell you why:

You are handling this like a little kid throwing a hissyfit. Your passive aggressiveness can vouch for that.

I'm not saying this to be mean or hurt your feelings - I'm calling it like it is. You are one of "those" girls. Believe me - you don't wanna be one of "those" girls.

Do both of you a favour and end things with him.
Because, in the end, (like some people probably would have said already) you deserve better. Better meaning get off your phone and check out if you have a hot neighbour.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Idk I don't think he's ignoring me on purpose because where we left off was making jokes. All of a sudden he disappears. Then he finally contacts me and doesn't have the decency to explain what happened, like someone on here mentioned. Even if he was busy, how time consuming is it to let me know ur busy and thats it.
  I do over-analyze everything cause he gives me reasons to so I'm not sorry. My last ex never had to deal with this bull cause he never gave me a reason to over-analyze so I never brought up stuff like this. If guys can just make a little effort, it would not be complicated.
  I don't want to be one of "those girls" either but he brings that side of me so thats a reason why I should stop. He should bring out the side everyone else knows about and likes.
  
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CountessDouche

9 years ago

You know what guys really hate, OP. People who aggressively over analyze everything that they do, creating subtext and unnecessary drama where there is none. You've entered passive aggressive and manipulative territory, not texting him back just to communicate something indirectly.

Here's a novel idea. Why don't you just talk to him? If you have an unfulfilled need in a relationship, you should probably communicate it to your partner; if you let him know that it's important to you, and he still doesn't giveva fuck, then and only then do you have the right to be upset. Once you start openly communicating instead of playing asinine mind games, relationships become a lot less like rocket science.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I have avoided these games this whole time until now because like you said, he doesn't give a flying eff. But part of why he feels so confident about not changing this habit is because I was always still available to him so he knew he didn't have to change a thing. And its time to shock him, and make him realize he is not running all over me. Why do I even bother with him? Because the positives outweigh the negatives but its just who he is as a guy and a person, he can come off as insensitive, heartless, short-tempered, like f*ck just please have some sympathy for me or at least appreciation that I still am around for you for once.
  
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  - CountessDouche
    
    9 years ago
    
    Well, him not caring is problematic. Do you really want to be with someone who won't make any attempt to comfort you when you have obvious needs.
    
    What you are doing is unhealthy; trying to indirectly communicate, to manipulate by showing him up.
    
    Listen, everyone has moments of insecurity and irrationality in relationships. I have never had a problem admitting to my partner when I feel that way, and telling him exactly what I need...and I tend to get it, because he actually cares.
    
    If your boyfriend has no interest in changing his behavior, you won't be able to manipulate him into doing it. It's much easier to change boyfriends than it is to change boys, end of. Your passive aggressive behavior will only lead to resentment from both of you.
    
    If the good outweighed the bad, if you were actually secure in your relationship, I doubt you would be posting rants here. Over 5 paragraphs means it's time to break up.
    
    Oath.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Sooo what should I text him? I do plan to respond to him but I want it to be something beneficial.
      
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      - CountessDouche
        
        9 years ago
        
        The truth! Honesty goes a long way, assuming he cares. However, ideally you shouldn't text it.
        
        Text is a very poor form of communication; you miss a lot in terms of tone of voice, facial expression, etc etc...it makes it very hard to gauge someone's reaction, and I get the feeling that you already have a bad habit of reading into what he says. You should speak to him in person.
        
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        deepthought33
        
        9 years ago
        
        I'm geeking out a bit here on all this sound advice you gave her.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Unfortunately, we're long distance but in the same state so it has to be text or snapchat since we snapchat the most.
        
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disthing

9 years ago

Text him - "Cum over here with your big donkey dick. I'm waiting for you to fuck my brains out of my skull all over again. HURRY! I'M SOAKED!"

Then text him again "Shit, sorry, wrong person. Hi honey, how are you?"

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I said serious answers. Just f*ck off. Bye.
  
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  - disthing
    
    9 years ago | pl
    
    How overly sensitive of you.
    
    Here's a sensible answer - how about you pick up the phone and call him about it, or better, wait until you're face-to-face. Texting about a serious issue in your relationship when you know he's prone to not texting back isn't the best idea.
    Then, when you do talk to him about it, you let him know how important it is for you to feel that you're a part of his life, and that communication between you isn't seen as a chore. Then you need to hear his side, and both of you can try to adjust your expectations and behaviour accordingly for the benefit of the relationship.
    
    There, a serious answer. Now you f*ck off. Bye.
    
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    - CountessDouche
      
      9 years ago
      
      I love this comment. Five million thumbs up...or one.
      
      This is why people want your internet babby.
      
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      - disthing
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ha thank you - The people are welcome to form my internet babby :) Providing they don't expect child support.
        
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    - valisque
      
      9 years ago
      
      It catches me off guard sometimes when the least likely people have something smart to say...
      
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    - Ellenna
      
      9 years ago
      
      She shd be grateful she's getting any replies at all with her total lack of punctuation and paragraphing: I couldn't read it so I haven't responded
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      That's better. Thank you. Where was this fulfilling advice and not that non-sense before? Please not on this post.
      
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      - disthing
        
        9 years ago
        
        I thought I'd lost it. Literally looked around the whole house for it - under my sleeping grandmother's face, in the mouldy corner above the shower, beside the dead pigeon in the chimney.
        
        Turns out it was in my pocket all along!
        
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    - TheChakraMantra
      
      9 years ago
      
      The fact that you're trying so hard to be "funny" is in itself a joke.
      
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      - disthing
        
        9 years ago
        
        People had already posted helpful comments so I just wrote something silly :|
        I hoped I had redeemed myself by offering some sensible advice as well.
        
        I'm sorry if my puerile behaviour put your chakras out of whack.
        
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anti-hero

9 years ago

A video of your winking butthole.

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- disthing
  
  9 years ago
  
  NO!
  
  Please, anti-hero, OP already gave me a lashing for my 'donkey dick' comment. She will come for you, too. SHE'S AT THE DOOR!
  
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  - anti-hero
    
    9 years ago
    
    Fear not my son. I have the power of heavenly father on my side and mace, heavy on the mace.
    
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  - CountessDouche
    
    9 years ago
    
    Hahahahaha
    
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(s)aint

9 years ago

Have some fucking pride! When I have met guys and texted with them and they suddenly stop replying or change the tone of their texts do you know what I do?
I back of, entirely. Of course I get sad and all that but do you want to know what´s the most fun part? When I have moved on they contact me acting like everything is back where we left it.

I am a high maintenance girl and I make sure to avoid people that can not give me what I need.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Its not that simple when you love someone. All that prideful bullshit goes away when you fall in love. You feel vulnerable and in touch w your heart. I know what you mean to have pride and walk away and boost up my ego making me feel better. I used to do that but cause all those guys were just an interest or nothing at all. With him, its the total opposite. Love is not just emotional but it can get physical too like all the headaches, anxieties, heartaches, neck pains, etc. Its real unlike having pride. That's just a mask and love takes off that mask.
  Not responding back to him or leaving him hanging is like playing hard to get but when you truly love someone, you have no time or desire to play games with someone you truly want.
  
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  - (s)aint
    
    9 years ago
    
    haha, believe me I know how love feels and I know how it is to love someone. But I refuse to ever sink that low and give up my own pride and self-worth to be treated less than what I deserve. Love should work both ways and both people should put effort in it.
    
    Love is an emotion, a strong brutal emotion whilst pride is more located in the logical part of your brain. Far, far too many of my friends puts up with douches because they "Love them so much"
    
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davesumba

9 years ago

tl;dr. Guys don't like texting.

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Freedom_

9 years ago

I don't think he's taking the texting very seriously.

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Fall_leaves

9 years ago

Can you meet up with him and talk this weekend?

Like just avoid texting all together, if you have something important or sweet to say to him, say it to him, not through a text. It sounds like he just avoided you after you texted him something sweet? Are you sure he's really interested in being with you or that there isn't someone else in his life?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  We are long-distance (in the same state) and the last time we saw each other, I went to him. So especially at this point, there is no way I'm going to be that vulnerable and go see him as if he's all I have in my life. Maybe a long time ago, but he doesn't deserve that right now.
  Basically what I said above, I'll cope and paste to answer why I think he's interested. He hasn't let me go and he's the type to not waste his time on things he's not into. He has introduced me to his family (not his parents but they know of me, just his sister and his cousin). Apparently, a couple of his friends know about me so he's told them about me. They said "oh so you're____." He's given me thoughtful and random gifts, not like diamond bracelets, but he gave me useful things (i.e. a really good phone charger out of nowhere and a contact case cause he knows about my contact issues I have.) He will ask me sometimes what do I feel like doing and we'll come to a compromise. The main thing he points out why he likes me though is because we're both silly and have the same sense of humor.
  In terms of other people in the picture, sigh...like 80% I'm sure he doesn't have any one else. Do I think that yeah maybe he has another interest or chit-chat a little with someone else, yeah. The worst I can think of is, I'm his back-up because I'm always there for him. But he's said before that just like me, he doesn't feel the need to talk or be with someone else cause he has me. Well, if he feels like I'm good enough then why can't he just make me his gf already? Confused af.
  
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  - Fall_leaves
    
    9 years ago
    
    He's not at a point where he wants a gf, so he could just be with you because you don't want a relationship either and he wants all the benefits that come with a relationship and none of the stress or lovey dovey crap.
    
    Is he still ignoring you or acting indifferent?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Well I realized I think I should be exclusive with him because thats gonna make everything more secure. He'll know he needs to do certain things now but thats just not reality.
      
      Well I haven't texted him back because I don't know what to text him and don't want to text him something ordinary like everythings fine but I also don't want to text him complaining because I have before and he gave me his reason why he does that. I'm 100% sure he is shocked I have gone this long without contacting him because I have always been there for him and now, he needs a taste of his own medicine and he needs to know I'm going to give him the same effort in return. He hasn't texted me either tho after his last text so we haven't communicated like back and forth for like two days.
      Right now, I basically have the upper-hand but I'm not sure what I'm going to text him. To be honest, the way we have been communicating is with memes. Its our way of laughing at the things we don't like about each other and its been kool until he went MIA. So I'm thinking of sending him a meme, but again, that's like the ordinary and itll look like everythings okay.
      
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      - Fall_leaves
        
        9 years ago
        
        Maybe he's just indifferent, like it doesn't bother him when you don't respond to a text? He doesn't need that constant communication with you because you're not his gf and he doesn't expect you to put in that effort for someone you're not dating.
        
        I think you should wait it out, don't text him until he texts you, like obvi it's not okay and you want more, so you shouldn't send him a meme and pretend it doesn't bother you. He's not going to know anythings wrong unless you tell him.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Idk if you know but he did text me already but last night after almost two days. But I haven't textd him back because like I said, I'm giving him a taste of his own medicine and letting him know that I'm not going to respond quickly an be there for him all the time like I have been.
        
        Idk if that changed your last response. Should I just keep waiting until he texts me again or text him back and if so, then what should I tell him?
        
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ChocolatePrincess

9 years ago

Ehhh I'm getting mixed feelings from this guy. To be quite honest if he's so stressed out about starting his career then why bothered talking to him. You're obviously not that important to him. I understand people need their space at times but damn he ignores you all day and doesn't have the decency to explain something. Also I feel like he wants you to chase him and wondered about him. I don't understand this about guys but if you're all over MOST of them they will kick you to the curb and call you "thirsty". But if you act like you don't care and be the bad guy they will come running for you. I'm not saying to play hard to get cause it can get tiring sometimes but I think you should find another guy whose worth your time. Also stop talking to the guy friends about him they might be talking your friend about you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I feel like telling him what you just said..."I get you need your space and I'm trying to give it to you but when you finally texted me, you didn't even have the decency to explain why you went MIA all of a sudden." Plus he didn't consider my sweet text to him. I kind of know what his response would be and it would probably be something like "i didn't know I had to explain something..." then Imma look like the nagging self-centered biotch when all I'm trying to do is make it work for the both of us and he can't see or appreciate that. He's known to be insensitive and he's even admitted he's not "that sweet" so maybe I shouldn't take it personal cause thats just who he is. Complicated.
  
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  - ChocolatePrincess
    
    9 years ago
    
    Well screw him he's not worth your time at all. This is not English class he's not a book that you have to figure out the context clues and read between the lines in order to figure him out. I know that you really like this guy but let's be real. If you ever get in a relationship with this guy he's going to keep blowing you off because he's stressed out and crap. His work is his main lover and you my dear are just the side hoe (not implying that you are one just using this for an example). Please find someone else a lot women think that a man will change for them. Their still the shit head that you fall in love with at first.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I know...I'm scared that once I am in a relationship with him and even marriage, do I want to be dealing with this sh*t? cause he doesn't seem to have the desire to change anytime soon but I would hope in the future, he will or else why would he be in a relationship with me in the first place?
      Let me sum up why I think he's into me and why I'm breaking my head over him. He hasn't let me go and he's the type to not waste his time on things he's not into. He has introduced me to his family (not his parents but they know of me, just his sister and his cousin). Apparently, a couple of his friends know about me so he's told them about me. They said "oh so you're____." He's given me thoughtful and random gifts, not like diamond bracelets, but he gave me useful things (i.e. a really good phone charger out of nowhere and a contact case cause he knows about my contact issues I have.) He will ask me sometimes what do I feel like doing and we'll come to a compromise. The main thing he points out why he likes me though is because we're both silly and have the same sense of humor.
      I just hate how why he has to give me such mixed signals. Ive come to accept he avoids being "cheesy" sometimes, maybe thats why he left me hanging but for a little more than one day? Ouch. He can come off as heartless sometimes.
      
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Are You Normal?

What should i text him back?