What should he do about her?

11 Comments

So one of my best friends is in a bad situation. He got a girl pregnant in high school, and being raised with traditional values, he will not leave her.

The problem is that she controls who he talks to, where he goes after work, where he works, when he gets to see his family, and she wont even let him help name the baby. She made him stop drinking, and started harassing me today yelling about me because I offered him a beer last night and he "isn't allowed to drink". All this while calling me names and insulting my relationships. Her thoughts where, "if you offer him a beer again he will no longer be allowed to talk to you". Meanwhile he is working three jobs, AND completing school to keep her supported, and she wont even continue high school because he is "responsible for supporting her". Also, she will hit him or bite him to the point of bleeding if he upsets her, and he can do nothing about this.

Now he is younger than me so I can understand why he asks me for advice, but I have never been in that situation, and I don't want to break up a family. I don't know what to tell him!

Take the baby and run. 6
Put up with it. 0
Do what he is told. 0
Seek counseling. 10
Kill it with fire. 6
Leave her to deal with the kid and disappear. 8
Other (comment) 2
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Comments ( 11 )
  • wigsplitz
    11 years ago

    Wait, why can't he do anything about her physically abusing him, especially since you say she's leaving marks and drawing blood? Call the fucking cops, simple. Then, he'll have the upper hand when it comes to custody of the child. He needs to do something about the abuse, if she does that to him, she might do it to the baby too. He needs to take action NOW. That one move could solve almost ALL his problems, and get her help or put her away. It's not just to 'punish' her either, she needs help, and he needs to protect his baby from an abusive person. It would be criminal NOT to do something about the abuse, only a true moron would allow a known abuser around their child.

    If he leaves her with the kid, he's stupid and fucking over the kid more than her. And in turn, she'll probably try to fuck HIM over, and SHE will have the upper hand because HE did wrong, instead of him being smart and getting the upper hand first by reporting the physical abuse. That shit is taken seriously, especially in family court and custody matters. If she's arrested for DV, she'll have to go to jail at least for processing, and be ordered to take anger management and other requirements, plus he will have solid proof she's abusive. If he doesn't do this now, it's only going to get worse.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      When I said he can't do anything about it, I simply meant it is difficult for him to defend himself without worrying about harming the unborn child. I had no idea that the courts even took cases of women beating men seriously, but i'm glad they do!

      I kinda felt the same way as you about the whole thing, but it is kind of confusing to have the option to break up somebody's family with just a word or two. Not a responsibility I ever want again that's for sure.

      Thanks for giving me a serious answer btw, I figured I would get a lot of comments along the lines of him being a "pussy", and not much useful lolz.

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      • wigsplitz
        11 years ago

        Oh, I see...well, if he's in the US, then yes, they will take it VERY seriously. There's a policy that was enacted a while back that forces people to be prosecuted for domestic violence. It used to be that the abused party could say they didn't want to press charges, or later drop the charges, but those days are long gone. The police HAVE to arrest anyone who abused anyone in a DV situation. If he has blood or marks, she will be going bye bye. And yes, the family courts take DV so seriously. He doesn't have to USE the DV charges against her if she cleans up her act but he needs to have that leverage and the proof just in case, hopefully she learns a lesson and gets help, he really needs to do this for the baby if not for himself. He will save himself and the baby a world of hurt!!

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        • shuggy-chan
          11 years ago

          YEAH listen to wigs, she a smart cookie, and she knows all about DV since she beats me everynight and ... OMG here she come GTG BYE!!

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            11 years ago

            I'm sorry to hear about you getting beat by wigs every night. Although I know all about DV now so I can help you out! lolz

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          Thank you, I did not know any of that!

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    Wait until she's not pregnant and then try to talk to her.
    If you think bitches are crazy
    Pregnant bitches are even crazier
    LOL
    I was jking, I think your friend should make it clear to her that he doens't HAVE to stay, but that he's choosing to stay, and if she doesn't straighten out her act, she's going to be alone.

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  • myownopinions
    11 years ago

    Option 1, go to the police (like previously stated in the other comments).

    Option 2, he should try to take custody of the child when it is born and completely disregard everything the pregnant girl says because she has no right to control his life like that. Also, there are ways of restraining someone without harming the baby.

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  • cookiesaregreat
    11 years ago

    Well, I hate to start by saying this girl shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, but there, at least i said it. (of course, this was not done intentionally and bla bla. I know)
    I think the guys best option is to indeed go to the police with here abusive tendencies, because carrying on like this is not going to work out good for anyone. I believe SOMETHING should be done, eventually it will get even worse.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I agree for sure, that was a pregnancy that NEVER should have happened. But the poor fool has to take care of the hole he dug himself into, and I would like to help him any way I can.

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      • cookiesaregreat
        11 years ago

        He should be very happy to have such a good friend. Im sad to admit I don't have a solution to this problem right now, but I hope someone comes up with a good option that could solve the situation.
        Cheers

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