What on earth is fun and enjoyment anyway?

46% Normal
14 Comments

I grew up in a family whereby my feelings, experiences and what I wanted to do weren't seen as even worthy of comment, let alone honoured (including running marathons in adulthood when I had always been the worst in my PE class!). The only comments I had were if I was viewed as being a problem. Girls were also regarded as being inferior to boys and only good for having babies. So when my first relationship turned violent, I literally didn't understand that I had the right not to be hit by a guy who couldn't handle his drink and went on to have sex and beat up his brother's wife! My parents knew about it and, despite being only 3 miles from where I lived, just sent me a letter telling me I shouldn't be prostituting myself to him (that is, this was my boyfriend and very first sexual relationship!That is, I would rather die than be a prostitute! That is, I never have gone for casual sex!)! They wanted me to move back home to "sort myself out" which basically meant doing as they told me at 21 years of age! So I didn't move back!

Somehow, I have never known how to get my life together. Even though my parents are dead now too. What's the point? Nothing I do seems to matter. I don't even know what makes me happy. All I feel is depression, despair and sadness. I wake up tearful and have bad dreams. I am ill with chronic fatigue, health problems and malabsorption problems I can't fix and can't afford to fix because I have no job and am virtually unemployable.

I simply don't know how to enjoy myself and don't think I ever have. I don't understand what "an experience" is either, what its use is. Sure, I can be great company and know how to keep others happy. But I always feel I should be doing "something else" for myself and I have looked, but there is no something else I can find. Because I don't really feel my experiences. But being there for others does nothing for me and I know I am robbing myself anyway of whatever it is I should be doing by putting others first.

I don't know what makes me tick and can't afford to find out either. What is enjoyment anyway? Trapped in a world where everything costs money (a world that just makes me feel sick to the core) and things that don't don't help or do anything for me anyway. I'm not a family person and never will be (even if I was young enough to have children, which I'm not and which I am so glad I never got into that trap!). But I still don't know: what is fun? What is enjoyment? What is "my experience?" How would I know if I was enjoying myself? And what use is it anyway? I really honestly don't know.

Voting Results
46% Normal
Based on 13 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    i like how u run marathons

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  • megadriver
    10 years ago

    Serious depression... Talk with friends. Excercise. Go for walks. Get a pet (Those can bring a spark of happiness back into your life). If all else fails, consider getting some medical health. From what I've read, things ain't good. Not good at all.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

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  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    Op watch a movie called "American Beauty" it might make you realize something about life. I don't care what you're doing, I can't put into words how insightful that movie is on the human condition and how I think you might find start to look at the world differently. It's also a classic and a very good movie.

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  • Caryopteris
    10 years ago

    Your parents, like many parents, failed to do their parenting job well. They let you down.

    My parents did the same. I fully understood it only much later, by watching good mothers and fathers interact with their children. They are SUPPOSED to cherish you and talk to you with interest and respect.

    A good mother gives each child her undivided attention ... often. She listens quietly and without judgement. In this way she shows the child they are valuable, interesting and worthy of another human's time. She is there to help the child interpret her feelings and put them into words, and help the child be empathetic to other people with gentle guidance. She helps the child see in a kind way that actions have consequences.

    I believe a good father would help a child be brave to try things out in the world, but I'm not exactly sure how. But I am certain he would not need to raise his voice or raise his fists to train a child properly.

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    Fun is sex.

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    • frankiestrange
      10 years ago

      Your sentence is the wrong way round.

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      • GoraIntoDesiGals
        10 years ago

        It works both ways lol

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        • LovelyMay
          10 years ago

          Yeah, but sex is not the definition of fun one might think so from their point of view.

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          • GoraIntoDesiGals
            10 years ago

            Maybe for asexuals but to most individuals it is.

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            • LovelyMay
              10 years ago

              Exuuuuse me, but I am NOT Asexual, thank you very much.

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  • Dad
    10 years ago

    Depression is a real illness.
    Lets say you were in an accident and hurt and then doctors fixed your broken bones or cuts or whatever. Its the same thing for depression, you can be fully fixed by certain medicines or treatment even mental or psychological issues ALL fixed.

    Go see a doctor.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It's hard to notice the good things in life with a tough upbringing like yours. But what makes life beautiful are the small things. A newborn, achievements like graduating high school, helping out the elderly, nature itself. There is always time to turn things around in life and start over but you have to be willing to make positive change. believe things will get better and never give up. life is a precious gift. Make true friends that you can confide in. slowly dig yourself out of this hole, you can do it. when you progress you will realize how beautiful life really is. There is so much out ,there you decide your fate. Think positive. Help others be kind and you will receive good karma

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Nature is fucking huge.

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