What is your main dealbreaker?

53 Comments

I have been reading the site a lot lately. So, I made this post taking into account a few interesting stuff I saw. Please enjoy!

And in case you don't know: "A deal breaker is ‘the catch’ that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess", UB, 2014.

Unpleasant appereance 1
Overweight 5
Lack of intelligence 14
Lack of wealth 1
Superficiality 7
Lack if sexual prowess 2
Poor hygiene 15
Bad penmanship 1
Weird fetishes 2
Earns more money than me 0
Annoying family 1
Diet habits (e. g. veganism) 0
Bad musical taste 0
Poor sense of fashion 0
Laziness 2
Shady Facebook activities 4
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Comments ( 53 )
  • Shrunk
    10 years ago

    dislike of cats

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    • Unimportant
      10 years ago

      What kind of a bastard would dislike a cat, anyway?

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      • kingofcarrotflowers
        10 years ago

        A sick one, a sick depraved bastard

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        • Shrunk
          10 years ago

          Right! It's usually a pretty good indicator of worse qualities, in itself..

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      • bananaface
        10 years ago

        Disney.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Some of these made me laugh. "Shady Facebook activities" and "bad penmanship" specifically.

    For me, loads of things are deal breakers with regard to romantic relationships. Vastly different political views, cruelty, a lack of empathy or care, someone who was either too serious or lacked the ability to be serious enough. Someone who invaded my privacy. Someone who cheated on me. Someone who is currently addicted to drugs. Someone who demanded from me a type of sex which I could not provide, or rejected a type of sex which I find to be a basic requirement. Being unattractive to me physically, although I'm not at all strict on that category since I find an awful lot of people and a lot of different types of people more than attractive enough :P

    If I'm going to be generic about it: anyone who hinders my personal development as an individual, which I value more than relationships.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Your deal breakers were much more logical than the ones OP listed. I could agree with many of those but the ones on the original list are mostly ridiculous.

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      • dom180
        10 years ago

        Yeah. The only arguably silly one from the OP I can relate to is diet. I'm a vegetarian and I'd very much like to be a vegan at some point in my life, and my ideal partner would feel the same way. For me that comes under political views because that's how I feel about food.

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        • Shiroyasha
          10 years ago

          I agree on the diet issue... but from the other perspective. I already was involved with vegetarians/vegans... and it certainly was a horrible experience for a carnivore like me.

          Right now, I would say that sharing the same taste on food and dietary habits is really important... after all, eating is a basic human need and something we need to do several times a day.

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          • dom180
            10 years ago

            I totally agree :) Out of interest, why was it a horrible experience for you? Was it just the fact that you couldn't eat the same food together, or did they try to control you or guilt you or something like that? I only ask because I've never been in a relationship with someone who eats like me, but I've never had a partner say they experience discomfort about how I eat.

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            • Shiroyasha
              10 years ago

              Oh God... where should I even start...

              The main issue is that in my culture it is normal to eat meat all the time, even more than once a day. So people kind of always expect you to eat meat. So when we went out or to some event, we always needed to be a burden to everyone, as something special had to be prepared. And of course, even when someone actually made the effort to prepare something vegan, the interrogation began: "Are you sure you didn't use milk?", "Did you cut my veggies with the same knife you cut meat?", and so on. To be honest, meal time became a source of drama for me during that time. I never looked forward to eat together anymore.

              Then the other issue was that I was constantly questioned about it. My mother is a nutritionist, so I pretty much knew already that most of the stuff vegans say is bullshit. Yet, I had to listen to these 10 hour ramblings about how my milk actually doesn't give me calcium and is slowly killing me. I also constantly had to hear comments like "you taste like meat", when we kissed and stuff.

              Another bad thing was actually not my partners fault directly... and it is that there is a lot of discrimination, so I had to deal with it as well. People were always telling us stuff, some of which were kind of hurtful and really uncalled for.

              And well, finally, I would say that the worst is that I never really accepted the veganism thing. Even though I knew it was not going to happen, deep inside I secretly wished my partner to have a change of mind.

              And well, I hope this was helpful for you!

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    • LornaMae
      10 years ago

      You raised excellent points of compatibility/incompatibility between people. Ideally, I'd want all of that in a mate, but it seems awfully unrealistic for me to find someone who meets all of the criteria. I think for you it isn't as far fetched as it would be for me, you're so very young, beginning your adult life and will have a lot of chances to find a perfect match for you :)

      PS: The last bit there is something I prize highly too.

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      • dom180
        10 years ago

        I think I can afford to be choosy at the moment because I'm young, yes. But I also think being single, which I am right now, suits me very well and I don't think I'd like to lose that for someone who I thought deep down wouldn't be good for me. Perhaps my comfort with singledom will wane with time as more people my age start to settle down, but I suppose that's a bridge to cross when I come to it. I don't really think anyone should settle for something less than what they need, no matter how old they are.

        That said, apart from maybe the sex one (because masturbation isn't that bad) and the one about privacy (I'm more uptight about people invading my life than most people seem to be, so it's entirely possibly my feelings will relax eventually) I can't foresee myself ever budging on those. They're genuine deal breakers for me; things I truly can't imagine myself being able to live with. Perhaps I think that way because I'm so comfortable being single at the moment.

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  • tittle
    10 years ago

    Foul stench

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    Controlling! That shit can ruin your life.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      I agree with this. I can deal with a lot of shit, including most of what OP mentioned, which is why I didn't vote, but I absolutely will not tolerate a controlling jealous bitch.
      OP's options were horrible. "Poor penmenship" what kind of bullshit shallow answer is that?

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      • handsignals
        10 years ago

        I WROTE HIM A LETTER WITH ALL MY LOVE AND DEEPEST FEELINGS

        HE REPLIED "TOO LONG DIDN'T READ"

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        • LornaMae
          10 years ago

          Lol! Love this!

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        10 years ago

        As I said, these are all things I found in this site!
        http://isitnormal.com/story/is-it-normal-that-i-dont-like-girls-with-bad-handwriting-147991/

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          How absurd.

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  • anti-hero
    10 years ago

    Secret penis.

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    • Crusades
      10 years ago

      Oh, there's no secret about it!

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Something I will add that wasn't there that is the biggest deal breaker for me. (and I am assuming we are discussing girlfriends)
    They have to accept the girls I already have as friends.
    I have lots of female friends. That doesn't mean I am having sex with them. In fact most of them are in relationships. I do regularly hang out with them and talk to them though and they aren't going anywhere so I would never be with someone who gets jealous of them.

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    • dom180
      10 years ago

      I agree with this too. I've never been close to a girl who had that kind of jealousy, but if it did happen I'd definitely not be okay with someone who wanted me to ditch about 50% of my friends.

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  • kelili
    10 years ago

    Poor hygiene.

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  • jeebley
    10 years ago

    Is actually a piece of toast.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    10 years ago

    If he does not want to marry or have kids, because those are two of my major goals in life and if that is not what he wants then I have a right not to be with him. Part of being in a relationship for me is having similar goals. I don't expect him to compromise his for mine and I won't accept the likewise.

    Being overweight is ehh. Depends on how much. I keep my looks within my limitations. I will always have big hips and thighs. Even when I was underweight I had big hips and thighs but if he does not give a shit about his attractiveness to me then I don't feel I should be with someone who won't at least put forth the effort I do.

    Aside from that, if he has no work ethic, no similar goals and no concern to keep up his physical health as much as I try to keep mine, I can't stay with him.

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    • Crusades
      10 years ago

      You forgot to mention him being not being accepting of your rug munching habits.

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        10 years ago

        ...you're, right, I DID forget to mention that...

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  • Who_Fan4Life
    10 years ago

    If I'm going by strictly these poll options, I'd choose superficiality.

    I wouldn't know how to deal with a person like that. I'd feel as though I would never be able to trust anything the person said, and I'd feel as though I'm talking to a complete liar (pertaining to their way of life).

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    • LornaMae
      10 years ago

      There's just one vote on the poll and I thought it was mine, but I also chose superficiality out of the options provided since it was the closest to how I feel. Although I have a feeling OP meant it in the sense of being shallow... Not sure.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    It's hard to pick just one deal breaker. A lot of those choices are legitimate deal breakers as far as I'm concerned.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Have you ever given a cat a bath?

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      • RoseIsabella
        10 years ago

        Yes, of course.
        :-)

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        • kingofcarrotflowers
          10 years ago

          Did you get as scratched as I did :(

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          • RoseIsabella
            10 years ago

            A little bit sometimes but not badly at all. I started bathing him when Iforst got him as a kitten.

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            • kingofcarrotflowers
              10 years ago

              Mabye I should have done that.
              I came downstairs one day to find my more mischievous cat Frankie covered in dog mess, I picked him up and put him in the bath, just expecting all hell to break loose, nothing. Stayed still and silent the whole time,
              As I was drying him off I thought to myself that I'd go buy him some salmon as he'd been so good.
              I finished drying him and stood up.
              He paused, just looking at me for about 5 seconds then pounced on my foot claws swinging then ran off.
              I swear I'd hate him sometimes if he wasnt so adorable :3

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  • bananaface
    10 years ago

    Homicidal tendencies are a bit of a buzz-kill like.

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  • LornaMae
    10 years ago

    Lying, dishonesty, secrecy. My only deal-breaker.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      I agree with the above statement. My only deal breaker as well.

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      • LornaMae
        10 years ago

        I really think that one is the toughest to overlook. No, not the toughest, the impossible one. It's the instant deal-breaker for me. With most of the others you can compromise, accept the differences, the faults, even see beauty in them, forgive and *still* be with someone you love for other reasons. But lack of trust can drive a person mad, shatter one's stability and self-esteem; basically meddle with a person's sanity. I've seen so many stories around here and IRL about how desperate people become due to that. I just can't afford it.

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          I just came.

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          • LornaMae
            10 years ago

            ;)

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  • iEatZombies_
    10 years ago

    Any bad behavior that has no genuine explanation/apology. I can look past almost anything if there is a genuine apology and a real attempt to correct the behavior. I can also, however, smell bullshit in someone who is just sorry they're found out. That wouldn't get another chance because they would be gone. I don't have time for people who can't walk in the shoes of their victim.
    So I guess apathy is my deal-breaker.
    Also cheating. If you can't control what's in your pants what can you control? Though that falls under apathy, we all know it would hurt the other person if we cheated.

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  • Foamy'sACoolSquirrel
    10 years ago

    Getting into a romantic comittment with someone. That's the largest deal-breaker for any hypothetical relationship. For someone like me, being single is the better option.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Well you do like illwillpress after all....

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  • Agirlsbestfriend.
    10 years ago

    black

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    Lack of attention and effort made me dump my ex even though I at the point still loved him.

    In a relationship BOTH persons has to put equal effort in it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I have a lot of deal breakers; I am a very picky person when it comes to dating. My main one, however, is mentally weak men. I cannot stand them (dating-wise).

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    From your list, it would be a toss up between superficiality and poor hygiene. How they treat/view others says a lot about their character; excessive vanity is repulsive. And good oral hygiene, along with regular bathing, makes a person smell nice and therefore physically approachable.

    Not from your list; possessiveness, narcissism, lack of sexual compatibility, differing moral views, lack of empathy for others, cruelty to animals (or humans). Also, sulky behaviour is rather off-putting.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Hmm. If someone was overweight (as in properly overweight, not just a small bit of fat), gold digger, controlling, and probably a list of more things, but I'm slightly in pain right now, so this is being cut short.

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    • linchpin
      10 years ago

      Are you ok man?

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