What is the world's best sex joke?

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war has been over for 50 years?".

What's the difference between two dicks and a joke?

You can't take a joke.

a priest and a rabbi are walkin by a playground

the priest says 'hey lets go screw them kids'

the rabbi says 'out of what?'

A bride-to-be is stressing out over the fact that she’s not a virgin, but she’s told her future husband she is. She has no idea what to do and is talking to her friends about it, when one of the friends pipes up and says, “Here’s what you do — buy some liver, stick it up there, and everything will be nice and tight and your husband will never know.”

So, the bride-to-be follows the advice, and on the wedding night, the newlywed couple has crazy sex all over the place. On the kitchen counter, on the living room floor, all over the house. But when she wakes up in the morning, her new husband is gone, and all she finds is a note pinned to the pillow, which reads:

“Dearest, I’m sorry, but I’ve thought things over and I just don’t think things will work out between us. I had a wonderful time, but I’m sorry, I’ve thought about it, and we just weren’t meant to be. P.S. — Your vagina is in the sink.”

What is the worst part about eating a vegetable?
Getting her back into the wheelchair after.

Maybe not a sex joke per se
But There was this kid out here aurora colorado who was born with no eye lids, doctors decided to try a risky new innovative procedure...Taking his circumcision skin and reattaching it to his eyes. It's a miracle the boy can now live normal life with perfectly working eye lids, he's recovering fantastically...however he's a bit cockeyed.

A kids walking down the street with a bunch of chicken wire. There's and old man sitting on his porch and he hollers "hey kid what're you doing with all that chicken wire?" Kids says "Ima go catch a chicken." The old man shook his head and later the kid comes back by with chickens stuck all threw the wire.
The next day the kids walks past with duck tape. "Catching ducks?" "Yup." Kid comes back later with a bunch of ducks suck to the tape.
Next time the old man hollers "what do you have today Kid?" Kid says "Pussywillow!" The old man says "Let me get my hat!"

10 cents for half an hour
in bed or in the shower
I want my money back
She had a dirty crack

After this is all over you got to give the top 3 or something.

Your sex life.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

Don't entirely agree with it, because I find capitalism slightly less problematic than most other systems I know of, but it's clever.

Ha.... uhhh ha. That is ummm, funny, I supose... If your into that sorta thing.

You sir are in 3rd place out of 4 congrats. That's was kinda lame though.

What's the difference between big ass fake tits and a party balloon full of water?

Answer : when you touch one your penis goes limp, when you touch the other it pops.