What is the reason my husband is not interested

It sounds really depressing that you had sex less than 5 times in an 18 month period with your husband. It's understandable why your upset and frustrated. Was he like this before you got married?

Maybe it's gotten to the point where you need marriage counseling...

The guy might simply have a low sex drive. If you didn't have a lot of sex before you got married, then in all likelihood he's always been that way.

If you didn't 'try' before you tied the knot, you may have entered into a relationship with someone sexually incompatible with you - even if emotionally and personality-wise he fits you like a glove.

I think it's sad (and kind of cruel) you've resorted to:
- Asking him if he is gay to get a reaction out of him, for him to try and prove to you that he's not
- Looking through his phone
- Reading books about 'what men want in bed' to try and provoke him

This ISN'T his fault, and it isn't your fault. It's simple biology. If it is really an issue, unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. Try marriage counselling, try masturbating more frequently rather than expecting the sexual satisfaction to come from him, and if none of that works you may have to acknowledge you're not right for each other.

I lived your experience 33 years ago, now I will tell you what you must know: 1) It is not you...this would be your husband's behavior with any woman in a committed relationship, 2) GET OUT NOW. You can not fix this, and he can not or will not. He is not stimulated by you and never will be. You will be hurt and so will he. He will try to get you to stay, and he may love you- whatever love is to him, but this will only get worse. I went through it all. Do not waste your life trying to fix this. Be kind to each other and accept that this is not good for either of you. Move on. Your life will be better and his too. Good luck.

i think we are on same boat just two different sides. if you want you can email me maybe share each other experiences would help?

About the porn. There is one thing us ladies must understand about it. The relationship guys have had with porn and their hand was well established way before we came along. It's just something that is pointless to get upset about. It's just an alone activity. Not a big deal.

About the sexlessness, this i could be a bit more complicated. I'm guessing this is more some emotional thing on his part. I'd say just drop the subject with him bcuz you're obviously not going to be able to fix it by talking about it. There might be something bothering him that he can't talk about, it could be that he was sexually abused, it could be a good many things. Don't assume there is something wrong with you. I'd say just try to put the sex out of your head for the time being and just enjoy spending time with him, lounging around the house, watching a movie, going out for a glass of wine, maybe spend some time in the outdoors and absorb nature. It you have some quality time and he's feeling comfortable, he'll likely be the one to bring it up and that's the moment that will work the best to try to get to the bottom of this.

Do you know if he could be getting "performance anxiety"? If that were the problem it could easily explain the situation. If he's right in saying it's not medical, perhaps it's emotional. Have there been any disturbances in the family, friends, or work?

I know it's hard to get him to talk, and I don't condone going through his phone, but if you could find out what kind of porn he likes watching and why, you could possibly work that in your own bedroom antics.

Some might say roleplay.

Have you tried stopping all efforts and seeing if he'll initiate anything or at least notice that you have stopped trying

You say you are always with eachother? That might be partially why. Take some time away from one another, not like a break but just doing other hobbies seperate from eachother so that you both aren't together all the time.

Was he like this before you got married? Is the sex you have kind of boring and/or repetative? If so, try new things. Do you initiate the sex or simply give signals for him to initiate? If you don't, perhaps you should start initiating the sexual activity.

I don't think it's fair when people do this to their partner. I get that sometimes people do not want to have sex, sometimes not for long periods of time and that is ok, however I also think that it is ok for people having to deal with such a partner to leave the relationship, especially if it has happened after marriage.

Not to be rude but gotta ask. If he was not like this previously to marriage could it perhaps be because you have let yourself go physically? I've heard of a few people losing interest in their partners when this happens. If you have let yourself go after marriage or at a time when him not wanting sex started, then that might be the issue and I would recommend gaining the same body you had when he was interested in sex.

The women he looks at on his phone, do they have anything in common with one another such as hairstyle, make up style, and so on? Before anyone says "they should feel attracted to your style, not someone elses!" I just want to say it's not as simple as that, people can't choose what they are attracted to, but I digress. If they have common traits then perhaps you could adopt those same traits which might make him more attracted to you sexually.

If he was like this prior to you two being married, then I can't say anything other than "you picked him".

Did you have sex regularly before you got married?

Cause I think I know what's wrong.

He's probably latently gay. He was looking at porn to try to get interested in something that is not for him. Get yourself a vibrator, and get him a boyfriend. You married the wrong person.

Confront him with divorce and If he loves you he will get worried and try to please you

Something similar happened to me in my last relationship. I lost interest in sex. For me in was a combination of things. I wasn't very happy with my situation at the time and while I still liked my girlfriend, she would get upset with me over various things. When she wasn't happy with me I wasn't able to feel any attraction. I don't think everyone is like this, but personally I cannot feel attracted to anyone unless they think really highly of me. When my ex would have arguments about anything I lost interest. I was depressed and wasn't able to even preform good at sex anymore.

"Fuck me to prove you're not gay"?...There's a real boner inducer. (Sarcasm)