What is more harmful to a relationship
What is more harmful..........
.......... ?
| The silent treatment | 12 | |
| Verbal abuse | 18 | |
| Physical abuse | 28 |
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Comments ( 32
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TheGrey
I voted verbal abuse. Physical wounds heal, sometimes scar, but eventually fade. I can remember every comment, positive and negative my parents ever said as a child, and I now have grand children. Verbal causes unseen scars, and those never heal they just fester.
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paramore93
Yeah, all three. I'd rather have the silent treatment than a punch to the face though.
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Boojum
They're all shitty things to do.
I'd put the silent treatment (aka "stonewalling") at the bottom of the list, but maybe that's just because my reaction to non-reaction in previous relationships has been to just walk away when it became clear that stupid games were being played.
Both verbal and physical abuse can result in long-term psychological damage of various sorts, but I guess that since physical abuse can also lead to serious, permanent physical damage, it has to be the worst.
If you're compiling a list of ghastly things horrible people do to their partners, you have to include gaslighting. I think that can be even worse than the three abuses you mention, since systematic, persistent gaslighting can result in people starting to question who they are, their sanity, and even the nature of reality in extreme cases.
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Shackleford96
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Boojum
What some people call gaslighting, others call a head-fuck. It involves someone systematically and persistently denying the reality of what's happening until their victim begins to question whether what they experience, think, and feel is real.
The fundamental principle is that if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
It happens in all sorts of contexts, not just close emotional relationships.
Many psychopaths learn how to gaslight at a young age and they use the technique deliberately to manipulate and control people. Narcissists gaslight because they truly believe their distorted view of reality is correct.
A couple of articles on how it works.
https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/gaslighting-definition-techniques-and-being-gaslighted
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201704/7-stages-gaslighting-in-relationship
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RoseIsabella
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madi18181
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RoseIsabella
I find it rather insulting, because the person is basically lying, and trying to get me to doubt things which I know are true.
It's a little surreal too. I often find myself wondering if the person is just telling me bald faced lies or is in such deep denial of whatever happened that he or she seems to have some selective memory about.
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Boojum
I think those with psychopathic tendencies know they're lying and they deliberately use those lies to manipulate, while narcissists genuinely believe their twisted view of reality is true.
My mother-in-law has narcissistic tendencies, and her lies drove my wife nuts for years. Recognising that she's a narcissist makes it a little easier for my wife to cope with her, but it still annoys her. I think that's partly because my wife wants to respect and trust her mother, but that's simply impossible.
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RoseIsabella
Both my mother and my now ex-boyfriend are probably narcissists, and they both gaslight. The context within which the gaslighting occurs is usually a response of rabid denial regarding something awful and abusive they've done. They are both incapable of accepting responsibility for their misdeeds. These are people who can never accept that they are less than perfect. It makes me sick to tell you the truth.
I think a lifetime of dealing with my mother sort of primed me for meeting, and falling for my now ex-boyfriend.
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nikkiclaire
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RoseIsabella
No, it's real. Believe me, gaslighting is real. I know about gaslighting firsthand, because my mother is a master of that awful shit.
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[Old Memory]
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lordofopinions
Verbal abuse can really get you down. Physical abuse is just plain wrong. The silent treatment falls under verbal or in this case nonverbal abuse.
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nikkiclaire
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Ummitsstillme
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nikkiclaire
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RoseIsabella
The silent treatment could be a form of neglect, but sometimes when people are really upset they honestly just want to be left alone.
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nikkiclaire
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Ummitsstillme
Perhaps establishing boundaries in a relationship? Maybe just being indifferent? You really equate indifference and ignoring as tantamount to physical and emotional abuse?
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