What does it mean when abusive person become less abusive because...

Lets say there is someone you know who is very abusive and has all the red flags. However they are less abusive when they get a new partner where before they had unhelpful reliance on people who they should not? Does that mean the individual is co dependent and they need a partner to stabilize them?

Voting Results
0% Normal
Based on 9 votes (0 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • VinnyB

    Abusive people tend to show little or no abuse early and become more abusive as a time goes on. Few relationships start with a punch in the face. It is just easier for abuse to be forgiven by the victim in an established relationship.

    Abusers are also typically co-dependant as are most people who feel a need to control another person. The control is a mechanism for keeping the person close and in their life. They make the victim feel worthless. This makes the victim feel they can't do better than the abuser, which creates a dependency on the abuser. This satisfies the abusers need to have someone because they fear being alone.

    I can tell you that any person who thinks they can change an abusive person because they are some how different and/or special, is deluding themselves. It will almost always follow the same pattern...

    The abuser will be gentle and loving at first to gain trust. The new victim will think the abuser is a good person, or has changed if they are aware of past abuse (people seem to love the idea they can change someone). Then one day abuse will occur, but it will be small and maybe out of anger, and the abuser will apologize and promise it won't happen again. The victim will accept this apology because they know the abuser has changed and isn't really like that. But it doesn't stop, it becomes more frequent and increases in degree. The victim convinces themselves that it is their fault for angering or provoking the abuser in some way, and becomes an apologist for the abuser.

    This pattern could apply to a physical relationship, friend relationship, family relationship, physical mental, emotional, sexual abuse, and anything else you can think of.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Bobblahblah

    The individual may be making an effort to appear to be nicer than they are, trying not to scare away the new partner.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • thegypsysailor

    Many abusers don't show their true colors for some time. If you are thinking you have a shot at being with an abuser without getting abused sooner or later, then you are probably in for a rude awakening.
    Even when threatened with extreme physical retaliation, many abusers just cannot stop themselves. Best advice; stay away, far, far away.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Yeah not as easy done as said. especially since I never said the type of relationship or that I was dating.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • thegypsysailor

        Free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • If an abusive person is acting nice suddenly, it is only a temporary act. People never change for others.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • rainforestrain

    I agree with the other comments, abusive people need to lock in their pray before becoming abusive. This is when they need to convince their partner that they are amazing, mean well, and are in love. once they get passed that point, thats when the trouble starts to develop.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Fall_leaves

    Are you saying the person is dating someone new and their overall emotional stability is better? Is this person just a friend, if so you should suggest they get help. Not saying it relates to this situation but some people that are reliant on others in this way can change on their own.

    Comment Hidden ( show )