What do you do when you're trying to give your bf space?

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You know when he all of a sudden decides to have some space without letting his girl know. Okay we get it. Most likely its nothing personal, he just doesn't feel like interacting and needs his alone time or whatever. While he's having his space, what am I supposed to do or think? I know it sounds like I have nothing else to do except be with him but when he wants his space during times we're usually together or talking on the phone, should I not bother asking him whats going on? should I just let it flow and not contact him at all until he decides to come back to present? What if he is waiting for me to contact him? Ive been through this enough to the point where I just don't give a fuck anymore and I don't want to chase him when these things happen. But I don't want it to go into something bad and its all because I didn't do anything about it. Why do guys just suddenly disappear? and Im talking about those in a committed relationship. Without warning, they will just fade away and the girls are supposed to guess why or we have no feelings or thoughts so it shouldn't impact us in any way? What am I supposed to do when apparently he wants his space or goes MIA?

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60% Normal

Based on 10 votes (6 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

thegypsysailor

9 years ago

I've never understood this 'space' thing. When I'm with someone, well, I'm with them. I want to spend as much time as I can with them.
Of course, once in a while she wants to go out with the girls, why, I don't know, but there it is. For me, I've zero interest in going out with the guys w/o my lady. Going out with the guys is for guys w/o gals or those in a poor relationship. Going out with the guys is BORING! What are we going to do, drink or smoke and look at girls? I've already got the girl I like looking at the most.
If I'm going out, I want to be with my best friend. We actually enjoy each other's company; is that odd?

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- reminiscent
  
  9 years ago
  
  This is kinda adorable....so I am compelled to thumb it up.
  but at the same time its ok to go out with friends..... It doesnt meen that couple has a poor relationship.
  
  My bf likes to hang out with friends he has known for years... one of them is a girl.
  And yes I have gone with him to hang with them too. But omg I dont always want to go. He can go hang out and I can relax at home or do whatever I feel like. I also have friends I go hang out with when I want to.
  My bf doesnt go hang out with his friends to drink...smoke.. or look at girls lol... he goes to play video games with them. Or when we lived in il fishing sometimes.
  my bf hates smoking... hates the taste of alcohol. .. and would find looking at other women quite boring XD
  I can say i get texts when he is with them... ether letting me know what he is doing and if he is having fun... or simple i love you texts.
  
  But I also wouldnt tolerate the "space" thing... like when me and my bf wernt living together if we didnt see each other that day we would call or text each other.
  your bf would irritate me too much
  
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icant_

9 years ago

Too many questions!! And I have little understanding!!
Anyway if you two are together and he suddenly decides he wants some space. Just lock him in the fucking closet or some shit.

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pixie44

9 years ago

Just give him his space and chill out.

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Blue_Velvet

9 years ago

Dunno, play a video game or something until he invites you over for a beer -.-

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Arm0se

9 years ago

I love my girlfriend to death, but sometimes it can be a little stressful... So I don't her for a day or something. I don't mean to, I'm just too caught up in video game or watching TV to think about other people. When this happens I like it when she contacts me and says she misses me, snaps me back into reality, feels nice.

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Unimportant

9 years ago

Hard to say without knowing you guys.

That being said, I think I wouldn't contact him and just let it be. If it's space he needs, grant it to him.

I fully understand that sometimes people need space - I know I do - but I would announce my disappearance. It's a bit thoughtless not to.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Exactly it is thoughtless. And I've asked him to let me know and keep me in the loop but he just never learns. I don't think its cause he does it on purpose but I think he just forgets and simply doesn't learn. I feel like I have to train him or something.
  Idk if its a guy thing to want space and not think of letting his Gf know or its just a people thing to want space. It seems like its usually the guy who needs his space and guys can be a little clueless and not realize that yes it bothers your gf and you need to let her know and that's it.
  
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Terence_the_viking

9 years ago

Just leave him alone for a while.

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modernism

9 years ago

I'm wondering if you just aimlessly walked around in confusion when you were single.

You don't need him to live your life. Go do whatever you want. You're acting like without him, there's no purpose of living and all you can do is sit there until he decides he wants to see you again.

Leave him alone for a while and go bungee jumping or something. Go out with friends or just read a book. You're not immobile without him.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  No I know it sounds like I have nothing else to do but I mentioned when he disapperars during times were usually together or talking, that's when idk what Im supposed to do. But st the same time, even if I'm crazy busy and he's crazy busy, going MIA is not acceptable. I'm supposed to be his best friend and someone to talk to if he has a problem. If he doesn't feel comfortable with me like that then why the fuck is he with me? I feel used when these things happen like he only talks to me when he wants to and I've confronted him about this and he started getting teary cause he didn't want me to think he's using me. He let me know he's with me cause he's crazy about me. Well these annoying habits need to stop and I guess what I can do now is not contact him until he decides to then confront him that these habits need to stop and I don't like it. Just like when he tells me things he doesn't like of me and I'll do my best to stop. So he better listen and obey or else he's just a double-standard a-whole.
  
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  - modernism
    
    9 years ago
    
    Ohhh, okay. I completely misunderstood your post - I'm sorry. Well then in that case, confront him again.
    
    Tell him how you feel whenever he randomly doesn't want to be around you anymore. If he gets teary eyed - just keep talking. You shouldn't have to mold yourself to suit him if he doesn't do the same. Make sure your serious about it and tell him (if your comfortable) that you don't want to be in a one-sided relationship.
    
    You deserve better - and if he's going through problems, then help him out. But if he's just being pathetically distant then you might want to drop him. Like you said, if he doesn't feel comfortable with you, then I'm not sure why he's with you.
    
    Hope this helped.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yeah exactly. Its not fair and he should know better than that. He just contacted me saying "its been a long day :(" knowing him that's his way saying "that's why I haven't texted you." Idk if I should forgive him for the millionth time or confront him that even if it was a long day, it would be nice to hear something from you and not disappear without notice, its inconsiderate
      
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      - modernism
        
        9 years ago
        
        It's understandable to have a "long day" but if you're having "long days" for weeks or even just days on end, then it's probably more than that.
        
        Good luck. :)
        
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omgcatz

9 years ago

Sounds like a borderline to me. They have this phase they go through when they get bored with their obsession and ignore them for days/weeks. It's called devaluation.

Then they suddenly get interested again (idealization) where they smother you in affection and attention. The first time you make them made or do something to shatter their image of you, they devalue you again and turn on the "I need space" switch.

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/10/bpd-devaluation-slippery-slope.html

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I don't think its this serious. He is actually pretty busy with his new job and even said today that he doesn't have time to argue or any of this. I can understand why because maybe one thing he does have that maybe you know about is he is not a multitasker and when he wants to focus on one thing hell take things slowly cause he can't balance everything at he same speed. So basically I think I might not be his main priority right now but like I've said, it would be nice if keeps me in the loop and let's me know when hell disappear.
  
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  - omgcatz
    
    9 years ago
    
    In general, human males aren't great multitaskers. that isn't something to worry about. You could try to help him by finishing something he started (without bothering him). Maybe that would help him relax. Then when he's relaxed you can explain that it only takes 5 seconds to drop a text or leave a message to let you know he's ok and keep you from worrying.
    
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Are You Normal?

What do you do when you're trying to give your bf space?