What do people learn in relationships?

What I learn from relationships "Stay out of it man"

For those here who say there is no validity to the issue of women in a man's world I will ask: have you celebrated earning a degree only to be asked by your parents when you are going to have a baby with no care about the degree I had worked my socks off to get- and gained a city and guilds in another qualification on my final year whilst writing a thesis? Have any of you lost a career because you were seen cooking a dinner? Have any of you been regularly sat down by your parents (literally) and lectured for hours at a time telling you how useless you are (they wanted a boy as first child, not a girl so projected it onto me) and being brought up told that marriage is legalised prostitution and that women can only be happy having babies? Have any of you struggled to break away from such brainwashing and meanwhile, had to sever ties with all siblings (parents dead) just to escape these same views from them which make family life intolerable?

Please don't tell me it's all old stuff and never happens becuz it has happened to me! It's easy to say it's the past but try erasing traumatic brainwashing and then events that confirmed it (violent first relationship, later marriage (different, non-violent guy) and jobloss becuz of my sex etc).

And for the record, i do not expect or need protection from anyone. And I happen to loathe cooking enough that I rarely cook for myself, let alone anyone else. In fact, I prefer nobody bothers about me as thats simpler and I guess, it has all taught me i don't need a relationship in the end...

"in fact I just think they are a trap where a woman can't do what she wants becuz a man has to come first in most people's eyes and the woman is expected to just support him (cook etc, which I hate) and so has no security."

Then that is what you have learned in your relationship. Not that I agree it was an accurate lesson, but it's the lesson you have learned.

If you find the right man you are supposed to be working as a team. Mutual sacrifice - not all you and not all him.

Or maybe I'm just too idealistic.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Give me a break. You mean to tell me with all this valentine shit where men are told to get their wives shiny things, where men are supposed to propose and risk rejection, where men are supposed to protect you from violence, do the hard labor, and so on, that you think that it is a "trap" for "women" because they have to do something such as "cooking", something that requires no real risk?

My ass.

It sounds like you've learned that you don't necessarily need a relationship.

I think that is the saddest (and perhaps angriest) commentary about man/woman relationships I ever heard.
Boy did you miss the whole point of a relationship. Wow!
When a pairing is good, it is a partnership, a team of two, two halves of a whole; best friends and lovers, playmates (not Playboy, think kids in a sand box) and buddies.
Are you really so beautiful that you think you are "arm candy"? You probably don't need sex, because you've never had good sex, and if you don't enjoy cuddles, what can I say?
Lastly, you chose the asshole you were married to, he didn't destroy your dreams; you did. You chose wrong and now you are angry at the whole world and are going to isolate yourself and mope for the rest of your life in loneliness and bitterness? Where exactly does that get to be fun? Do you really deserve to be punished that harshly?

Women want to change their man and they don't.
Men want their woman to stay the same but they change.

what do I learn from a relationship?
I dunno, but from this thread I dont want shit to do with these crazyass arguing bitches.
Geez, WTF. no wonder no fellas gonna go near that poon. pornstar grade not worth that shit

It works for some people but generally not. Love is highly over rated by society and I wish people were not so obsessed with it.

This site is infested with feminists and manginas...

I learnt from my two marriages that I don't need any relationship

i agree with ccjigsaw on a good relationship is where the couple are basically "best friends" (with benefits) and then some.

both people should be supportive of each other and it should be rather equal.

To actually answer your question and not criticize you. The things I've learned from my past relationships..well. There's a lot. I learned more about what I'm looking for in a partner, I'm much more choosy about who I date now. I learned that I don't think I ever want children. I learned that I would rather have someone who is like a best friend apposed to the usual "man/woman" roles. I learned that despite what I liked to think in my younger years, men are a lot physically stronger than women. I learned that broken hearts are not permanent. The biggest lesson I learned is that I am happy being single :) So if I am in a relationship that makes me unhappy, I don't have to think "I'll never find someone like him again!" Because I'm not afraid to be single.

@: thegypsysailor

Think you judging her too harshly. Even if she has issues, its her problem and if she indeed does, then she will work through it. I walked out of a marriage because of plenty reasons, today he regrets treating me that way but its too late. No matter what, I've made peace and yes today I do know what to avoid in relationships. I refuse to look after or serve a man, (and yes 70percent of men do take advantage) , but I'm far from angry or bitter. Maybe.. Don't judge if you don't know circumstances

No, this was not me above!

I do think there is a whole chasm between what we can control with our minds and not just what we have been brainwashed by (as I was), but also by the subconscious attitudes of people around us. There are a lot of moronic people out there and in the community I was in, if a woman wasn't plopping out babies from 15 years of age, having no ambitions for herself and supporting guys that were on drugs and burning cars regularly, then she was at best, viewed with suspicion. Then I have already said about my family.

Unfortunately, the modern idea that we only have to think a thing, think positive and it is assumed to be all there is. That's not true: we have millennia of ancestral cultural and negative religious programming that has devalued women and this does squelch out at times of stress in intelligent people and all the time in the uneducated.

The physiology also embodies these messages and unfortunately, when the programming began at an age before the brain was developed enough to protect itself (ie as a baby and young child for me), and a lifetime of verbal and behavioral messages conveyed by parents and siblings about my sex, all the positive mental attitude in the world doesn't shift the dynamics that were put in place then. Soul is deeper than mind and if mind was all there was, I would be in a very different place right now!

One disservice that is done in today's world at such times is to condemn expression about the negative and really being allowed to put it out there for all to see. Being positive has its place but it is no good with shit swept under the carpet: it festers and then comes out anyway, worse than before! This is exactly how corporate monopolies work: they know people prefer to bury their head in the sand!

I personally have been married for 16 years, and you r definatly right about the man coming first. But sometimes its like give and take, for instance he works and supports me financially and in return I clean, do laundry, etc. I have no kids either. So I guess what I have learned is sacrifice, by that I mean go without things in order to have peace in the relationship. But I think to b alone would b worse. Hope you find some one Better.