What can i do?

50% Normal
8 Comments

I was on my boyfriends lap top the other day and saw that he'd been on porn sites, so I jokingly mentioned it and said I don't mind but I just don't want to be compared to those girls. He was quite embarrassed and said they were from a while back. But I know they weren't. Then last night I caught a glimpse of him on his phone on a dating site. So straight away I questioned him and he was shocked and said its not what you think. So I asked to see what it was and their was girls on there that he was talking to through a fake profile. Talking about everyday things but then there was sexual talk to between them which obviously upset me. I was mortified and he said he is so ashamed and doesn't know why he did it. He said it was just a release as he is not the most confident prison when it comes to sex things and it gives him a kind of boost. I said was it because he's not happy with me and he said he is extremely happy with me and he feels discussed that he was doing it and that its sordid and he is so embarrassed. We are planning on trying for a baby soon and possibly getting married sometime in the future. He said all it was is just a sordid horrid realease that he got, never met anyone, never intended to, and the fake profile was because he didn't want anyone knowing as he knew it was wrong. He's now given me access to his phone and I've seen he's deleted the chat app and promised that he will never do it again. But I said the trust has gone and he needs to build it back up. I'm a very insecure person anyway but now I'm even more insecure and worried he will do it again. I'm not bothered about the porn as men always do this, well most men. It's just the fact of him talking to other girls in a sexual way to get pleasure from it that really hurts me. He knows how much it has hurt me and says he is extremely sorry and feels sick that he's the one that's made me feel so upset. We've been together 5 years by the way. What do I do? I'm not an angry, shouting person or someone who would chuck them out of the house. I've asked for some space to think. But there's no way I want it to end and he says he doesn't want it to either. Can we work through this? Has anyone had experience of this? Sorry for the long speech x

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 14 votes (7 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • AB1234
    7 years ago

    First, sorry you're feeling bad about this. But I'm going to level with you. Guys are different from us girls. For many guys, finding or having sex is like drinking water. Regardless how they feel about a particular girl, they can't stop/control their urges to screw other girls. It's part of their biology.

    Having said that, if an open relationship or knowing your guy flirts with other girls doesn't work for you emotionally, then you're just going to be unhappy in a relationship with a guy who's inclined to seek out titillation with other girls--and that's very, very, very ... very, very many guys.

    Now, I'm not bashing guys at all. I'm just sayin' that's how they do, and that you have every right to care for yourself emotionally, even recognizing how most/many guys are.

    One last piece of advice: the common advice to discuss problems doesn't work, I find, if after you've already discussed the problem it continues to happen. That means the person either doesn't want to stop (and so won't) or cannot stop (and so won't). My rule of thumbs is discuss a problem once, seriously but respectfully. If it resurfaces, unless it's minor and I can deal with it, I'm outta there. Life's too short to be hurt or unhappy.

    Good luck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • CountessDouche
      7 years ago

      I always kinda love on your comments. They are extremely well thought out and intelligent, but I'm gonna disagree with you here.

      Whilst I do agree- in the most simplest of terms- that men are biologically programmed to spread the proverbial seed, I do think you're generalising. People (including men) are not slaves to their hormones- people make choices. There are men who seek multiple partners; it's arguable that it's a natural tendency, but some don't, many don't. Biological imperatives don't control choices. Some men do stray, but I think stats say that just as many women do.

      I just disagree with your excessive use of "very very very very...very" as if it's an impossibility for a man to stay faithful.

      It's almost as if you deem it unacceptable to make demands based on the nature of men. I see no problem making demands, and neither should the OP- if she doesn't want someone with multiple partners, she shouldn't compromise. End of.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Goku19
    7 years ago

    You can appoint a person to look after him to see he is truthful or meeting other girls without telling you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • penisdump
    7 years ago

    1)Don't have children any time soon.
    2)Break up with this guy. I know it's hard, but he will be up to this same shit again in the future. It's only a matter of time.
    You don't even know the full extent of it; this is just the stuff that you've caught him with. And he doesn't seem like the type to come clean.
    He sounds like he can very easily wear two faces at once; the one he shows you for appearances, and then all the shit he does behind your back (which he probably considers normal).

    I realise this sounds harsh, and you don't want to hear it but it's the truth: He is an inherently deceitful person and he is not going to change.
    RUN away!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • guyiwthaname
    7 years ago

    I would just like to point out one simple thing:
    I would propably fuck other girls than my gf too if my gf keeps stalking my browser history you bitch

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • Sammy85x
      7 years ago

      I wasn't stalking! I was sat next to him n I saw it pop up on his phone!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • guyiwthaname
        7 years ago

        well,that actually changes my view of things. ewwww propably you should just dump that boy

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • CountessDouche
    7 years ago

    Next time you post on here, you should use paragraphs. I'm not trying to be rude, but more users will read your post and offer their advice if it's easier to read.

    As for your problem, I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's painful to have the trust broken in a relationship, especially one that you've invested so much time in.

    You've been lied to, twice, on two separate occasions. Watching porn is normal, but lying about it isn't. If he's on a dating site, I highly doubt he's on it recreationally. There are plenty of anonymous sex chat forums on the internet. Dating sites are made for people who intend to meet.

    I'm sorry that you've had to experience the hurt that comes with a breach of trust from someone whom you hold dear, but IMO, he's still lying to you. If I were you I'd break up with him and cut off contact altogether.

    It will hurt like fuck, I'm sure, but in time, you'll recover, and most likely find someone better.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1