What’s wrong with me

I don’t have any friends or a boyfriend and no one seems to want to form relationships with me.

I can make conversation with people and am fairly confident when it comes to public speaking or discussing my projects/ideas and I can make stupid small talk with people but I only have acquaintances and no friends.

I watch other people and their relationships just seem so warm and tender in ways I could never imagine. It is little things. Like today i saw a girl on the bus leaning against her boyfriends shoulder and playing with his hair. Or I see people hug their friends in the street.

I’ve never had a friendship or relationship like that. I meet people once at work or at uni and maybe have a good conversation or two but then they choose not to see me in a social setting. What makes them pick other people over me?

I am confident and friendly in public and I start conversations even when they don’t seem too eager or friendly but I’m not over the top or clingy. Why can’t I form relationships that aren’t superficial and based on work or study?

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  • Im guessing you are at least 18 yrs of age. People about that age are really judgmental, and it seems that many are only out for themself. You say you are confident and intelligent and all that good stuff.
    I would say dont try so hard, do your own thing, focus on your studies at university, and just keep being yourself. When its time to matter, then it will happen.
    Its like you describe the guy and girl on the bus, if you are looking for a boyfriend, just dont look so hard. All in due time. It will happen when you least expect it.

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  • Of course nobody can really give you super accurate feedback as we can't know what you're like as a person from a post on a forum. HOWEVER! I think that theres possibly one thing that might help you.

    If what you say in your post is true, that you're confident and friendly etc. then you might be falling down in one specific place that I think a lot of people do when it comes to making friends.
    Make the first move so to speak- so after a fun conversation with someone you know and would like to be friends with especially if you're already acquainted, ask them if they wanna hang out sometime. Most people wont be rude and will let you down gently if they dont actually want to hang out.

    Another helpful tip is if you already have plans, ask them if they'd like to join you. So if you and a group of friends (or just you) are going on a hike or something fun, like going climbing on the weekends just say "hey! You know what I think you'd really love climbing it's so fun I go every weekend I could take you some time if youd like!" That way is a lot more casual and less unnerving then someone asking to be friends its more natural to invite someone to plans you already made and I'm sure they'll be flattered that they were invited and if you get on with them would love to go then you can hang out and have fun!

    Dont worry about if its going well or if they'll be friends with you, just enjoy the evening knowing that if you successfully asked someone to hang out once you can do it again. So if it doesnt go well you can always try again with someone new.

    Making friends can be daunting but its daunting for everyone and most people love it when you take the initiative. Think how flattered you'd feel if someone invited you climbing this weekend! Dont worry about it everyone wants more friends and everyone goes through lonely periods in their life where they arent with "their people" you'll find them if you look but most importantly enjoy the process. Hanging out with people is all about having fun as long as you're enjoying it you're doing it right!

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  • I am exactly the same as you, except i am male... i got to the point of never wanting to have relationships with people, it seems more of a burden, i learned to live just my life alone because its annoying to try and be part of a society right now.

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