Weird dream

I have fallen asleep with my son on me and two times I woke up with a orgasm. The first time I was not really worried because I think I may have had a dream or something but the second time I felt extremely guilty after as if something happened. I think what if his foot was down there on me and it caused the orgasm and so I rubbed his foot down there on me and held it or what if something else happened? I obsessed about it so much that now I can actually picture it in my mind that it happened. Two other times that I have fallen asleep with him on me I just woke up feeling guilty and I don't know why. Maybe because I woke up feeling turned on, had another orgasm and didn't realize it, or just felt guilty because I fell asleep with him on me. I always said I would never sleep with a child in my bed with me because I would be afraid to roll over on them but the reasons I have slept with him on me is because like with the first time I think it was because he kept acting like he was gagging and he was on his back in the bassinet and I didn't want him to choke so I put him on me. The other time was because he was being fussy. I wish I wasn't the only one who had this happen especially more than once! I feel like I can't go on pretending to be a good mom in case something happened because if it did, that means I abused him. I have been depressed for almost 1 month over this! I can't take it anymore. I need to know if it was just a dream or for real. Dreams feel so real sometimes.