Was it normal for me to have thought this way as a tween?

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6 Comments

A few things I want to make clear before I begin:

1. This encompasses years worth of anxiety and thoughts, so it probably won’t cover every single point I have, but it’ll probably be long nevertheless
2. I’m not saying I necessarily stil think all these things or am trying to persuade anyone, I just want people to understand the kinds of thoughts I had and see if anyone agreed, because it felt very lonely
3. I’m currently 19 now, and I regret not saying these things at an earlier point in life, because now I just seem like a weirdo. I have ocd, so my thoughts repeat, so I have a vivid memory of all these things, but I understand if you don’t believe me, but I will admit it’ll annoy me.

Now that I have that out of the way, let me begin. I went through puberty at the age of 10, and I knew exactly what was going on, and I found it cool. I felt like I was physically older than I really was. I knew what pornography was, and I thought I knew what sex was (but I actually just misinterpreted sex scenes I saw on tv). I thought it was all perfectly normal, I enjoyed R rated horror movies that had lots of gore and nudity, and none of it bothered me. I started masturbating at that age, although admittedly I didn’t quite know what it was until we started learning about it in school (we had sex Ed classes in 5th and 6th grade, which I’ve noticed some adults being shocked at, which really confuses me because I only learned a few new things for me. I thought of it as help understanding a lot of jokes, because I watched Comedy Central a lot in secret back then). I also remember learning what a condom was from my cousin, who was also 10 (and actually a few months younger than me). Basically what I’m getting at here is saying that I think it’s perfectly normal for a kid of that age being interested in sexual content, and that there’s nothing wrong with telling them. I always feel weird when people present that age as an innocent point in life, akin to kindergarten, when it was anything but for me. But it went beyond this, I admit to having been really egotistical at this age. I thought I was forward thinking, and that I was ready to have an “adult” life. I wanted to drive, to own my own house, to do drugs and drink alcohol and have sex. But I never did any of those things, but in my mind the only reason I wasn’t allowed to was prejudice. No one explained anything to me about brain development, and I had no problems watching movies or playing games I was considered “too young” for, it going on sites like YouTube and Facebook. In my mind it was somewhat comparable to the civil rights movement, and I was something like an MLK equivalent for kids. I always hated when people described anyone ten or older as a “little kid,” like it was some sort of racial slur, and generalizations I would hear in commercials (I even once tried to make a video explaining that saying “kids love candy” is like saying “black people like chicken” but didn’t get around to it). I figured age was just an illusion, and that we could get rid of it and kids could live like adults and everything would be fine. I even thought about driving my mom’s car around, but specifically trying my best to do it safely, and actually plan to be arrested, and at court explain that I didn’t harm anyone and they only arrested me because of my age, claiming discrimination. One thing I constantly daydreamed about was running away from home and starting a career as a stand up comedian (remember I watched Comedy Central a lot) and make jokes about life as a kid (this was in 2009, there were a lot of comedians making jokes about life as a certain race) and I would shock everyone by being dirty and foul mouthed as a kid, playing with their expectations. Of course, none of this actually happened, but even today I still feel annoyed when people are mean to kids, and I still don’t understand most age limits. I also hate how people assume tweens don’t know a lot of these things, and I feel as though I have some sort of detachment, because I really don’t see anything wrong with exposing kids to these things.

Like I said, I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything, but I just want to know if anyone understands this perspective.

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Based on 7 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Tato
    5 years ago

    These thoughts are quite normal and I believe a lot of us felt like that at a younger age. But we've never seen the big picture:
    Yes, some kids aren't innocent, but they are also very naive. They know nothing.

    I'll address the subject I'm familiar with.
    I've been a hypersexual child. After that first stimulus, I just couldn't get enough. I was excessively masturbating, thinking about things a kid shouldn't be, humping any non-living object. I was a little horndog. The things I did to get off. And when I found out about porn, I got hooked.

    Kids just can't handle these stuff. Some grown-ups can't, even. It took me years to ease off with porn. And I still struggle. Sometimes I wonder what if I had a normal childhood.

    This tween perspective is totally understandable, but lacks the maturity needed the observe things at a wider angle. And that's why it's wrong.

    P.S.

    Recreational drugs are bad. No matter the age.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      I think I agree up to the point where you a kid “shouldn’t” think of certain things. I don’t really think it’s up to anyone what anyone “should” be thinking about, regardless of age.

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      • Tato
        5 years ago

        Yes, but there's a difference between could and should.
        We are all free to think for ourselves, ofc. However, there are some things a kid isn't suppose to be dealing with. For example: should a kid be thinking about making ends meet? No. The kid can think about it, but shouldn't be dealing with it. That's up to the kid's parents.
        I just think there are some things kids shouldn't be exposed to.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    5 years ago

    It’s too bad it’s too late to edit. I really was not good with these paragraph spaces!

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    5 years ago

    I think this article shows I’m not alone: https://www.debate.org/opinions/are-children-oppressed

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    • Tato
      5 years ago

      I read the comments on it, and I agree with some of them. But still, as one commenter posted, their cognitive and reasoning skills are not developed enough. It's a different world than it used to be.

      Some of the commenters supporting the idea that kids are oppressed, gave some valid points: what makes 18 mature while under 18 isn't? Some under 18 are more mature than adults. I agree with them, to a certain extent.
      I personally know someone who was more mature in her teens than a lot of adults I know. But she's an exception. Most tweens go through a developmental stage that really plays with their minds. They don't see it, but their judgment is lacking. And that's also the reason for some age limits.
      I'm not claiming adults are perfect, they're not. Some adults are twisted and still in need of a guidance. However, guiding a child, a tween, a teen to do the right thing and lead a normal, morally right life is a lot easier than dealing with a molded adult.

      In medieval times, kids were taking the roles of apprentices, working the farms, raising their younger siblings. But they would also be treated horribly: forced marriage, rape, death. Today we live in a different world, at least the fortunate of us, and kids can be kids. But it also means that the world demands a different set of skills. And that's how we got here.

      I don't think there's much to do. What you can do, is raise your future children the way you'd like them to be. Ofc, you'll then find out it's not easy to do so without directing them a little.

      Good luck.

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