Was i ever really loved by my husband?

26% Normal
10 Comments

Husband and I met in college. We became best friends and roommates. There was always an attraction but he didn't want to date me. We flirted constantly and would lie down on the sofa together holding each other all the time. He was always insecure about his hair and always wore a hat. He didn't want me to date anyone and wasn't dating anyone himself but didn't want to say that we were dating. I had to force his hand. I went away after college to study abroad and when I came back it was in the middle of winter and cold. We were staying at a friends house and there was very little heat. He didn't want to share the bed with me after I had been gone all that time, even just to stay warm. We moved in together and he wanted separate bedrooms. At this point we were dating. We never slept together. We moved to a new city for his career and he got a job which took him away for several months. I was left alone in a new place with no family and friends. He became very distant and I found out he had an affair and slept with this woman after we had never slept together. Said he was confused. I forgave him, we got married and had two boys right away. The night he proposed we stayed at a lovely romantic bed and breakfast and we didn't want sex. On our wedding night he didn't want sex either. We did it once, just to seal the deal I guess. He has only propositioned me for sex one time. We have been married for ten years this month. We haven't had sex since August of 2007. I will not have sex with him ever again, because I do not love him, feel he only married me because he needed me financially and he doesn't ever ask for it anyway. I'm 38, 5'10", 165 pounds, strong and in good shape. He is also in decent shape. I take care of myself and am attractive. I've already had an affair because I was so lonely and now I want a divorce, but because my children are so happy and he is such a good father I don't want to ruin their lives just to make myself happier romantically. I guess my main question is has anyone ever heard of a man like this? Are there other couples that never had "it" from the beginning? The other day I saw him on a message board that was discussing celibacy.

Voting Results
26% Normal
Based on 38 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • randomjelly
    13 years ago

    68newman makes a great point. I'm just confused as to why you would ever marry someone that was acting like that???!!!

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    • mommy1971
      13 years ago

      Thank you for the comments.
      I married him because he was my best friend and I truly was in love with him. He made me feel pretty and was very affectionate with me in terms of hugging and holding but no sex. I wanted to believe that he was holding out because he wanted us to do things right. In the back of mind it was a big concern to me. But I was getting older and didn't want to be an old maid. I didn't want to be a "Carrie Bradshaw". Yes he is a good person, just a very terrible husband. A man with intimacy problems because he has not found financial success as a man. So I will continue to have the affair that I am having but it too is not completely satisfying because we are not exclusive and I really want to love and take care of a man and he do the same for me.

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  • Sunnydayz
    11 years ago

    If your in love by someone else tell him this but don't divorce don't throw away those years live together as best friends. Sneak away some nights to be with your boyfriend don't tell you kids finally when the time has come tell them if you don't want to tell them dad has to move away to another place for work. Invite your boy friend over. Tell them he's a work Nate and your doing work. Make up excuses to live a happy life and then your kids can live a happy life.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Your husband just probably doesn't have a libido or a sexual drive, and there are many men out there who are like that... either asexual, which means no sexual preference, or just not into sexual intercourse and see no reason for it.
    Given that you two were best friends, I am sure though that he cares for you deeply, is attached to you and loves you in his way, but he is probably not inclined towards intimacy.

    My boyfriend is a little like that. For your own personal satisfaction, masturbate or discuss with him the possibility of a sexual affair with another man, for these reasons, and show that you respect him by telling him..?

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  • lovelyfun91
    12 years ago

    You should propose to him having an open relationship. You can both stay together for your kids until they are old enough to take care of themselves while you both do your own thing. You only get one life so dont waste it with someone who doesnt love YOU 100% .

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  • andrian007
    13 years ago

    By the sound of it, you yourself don't really know what's up with him. He does sound kinda strange. You seriously need to talk to him and find out what's up. If he decides to share, then at least you have something to work with.

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  • 68newman
    13 years ago

    Are you sure it was a woman he slept with? Could he be gay and is in denial, or using you as a coverup?

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    • mommy1971
      13 years ago

      I am positive that it was a woman. I found pictures of them together and she even called once and I spoke with her. She tried to pretend that she didn't understand English. He once admitted to me about 8 years ago that when he was young and lonely and didn't have a girlfriend that it was usually just him and his hand and that it happened so often that somehow it has caused him to lose his drive for sex and intimacy. So I do have an idea about what is going on, but that was eight years ago! I would think by now he would want to have this fixed.

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  • Genius
    13 years ago

    It sounds like he is a strange person... but good. I think you should stay together for your kids. And let your love for them be what binds the love in the marriage together. But be happy and yes have affairs.

    Also try talking with him about it?

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    • mommy1971
      13 years ago

      I have spoken with him about it many many many times over the years. I have openly admitted that I do not love him and that I have already had an affair and want a divorce but he keeps blinders on. And doesn't want to "deal" with it.

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