Want to spank, but boyfriend against it?

10 Comments

I'm 5 months pregnant and this is my first child.
When I was raised, my parents spanked me and my siblings and it didn't really bother me, you know, I'm not like, mentally disturbed or anything by it.

As for my boyfriend, he was spanked as well as a kid, but he said that he doesn't want to spank our child, but instead punish it in different ways. I'm guessing time-out, which IMO, does not work for all children.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to look like the bad guy here, I am against all types of abuse, and I would never want to abuse my child, not even by accident. (Getting really mad and taking anger out on it.) I want to raise my child with affection and attention, but I don't want it to grow up thinking it can get away with stuff. I don't want a brat like so many children are now a days.

What should I do?

Spank. 13
Do not spank. 11
Other form of punishment. 13
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Comments ( 10 )
  • victorygin
    8 years ago

    Hopefully this is just a footnote on the much larger conversation you're having about how to educate and raise your child. I'm not trying to be a smartass; it's a legitimate question, but hopefully you guys are also thinking about many other, more positive aspects of parenting.

    Anyway, I think spanking is being phased out for good reason. It sets a bad example of using physical violence for coercion. And it's not necessary; I think you can still maintain authority and be strict as hell if you want to without actually spanking.

    That said, kids are a pain in the ass, and I wouldn't demonize someone if they lost their temper and gave their kid a small slap on the butt as a one-off. It's not the end of the world, like you say.
    But it shouldn't be part of your 'parenting toolkit'. If a grown adult has to hit a child, there's just something not right about that...

    I think you should get your hands on lots of parenting books, see what they say. And it's important that you and your boyfriend are on the same page about it.
    I definitely don't think you should be planning to spank, though.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      A perfect response, you saved me the trouble!

      All spanking does is teach the child that it's ok for a bigger & stronger person to hit a smaller & weaker one. I wonder how many of the cases we hear about where adolescents and older children attack their parents is the kids just getting their own back now they're big enough to get away with it?

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      • victorygin
        8 years ago

        ah thanks ;)
        Exactly. I'd say in a lot of those cases... well, the kids don't just pick it up off the ground, do they?
        If you know what I mean...
        Sets a precedent that sometimes violence is ok, and of course it should never be acceptable.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    It's a stupid conversation to be having at this point. Wait until the child is born and see what his natural reactions will be. He may say he doesn't want to spank, but the first time the kid talks back he might give it a crack across the face without even thinking about it. As parents you will react naturally to situations as you feel the situation dictates. Situations you never imagined will pop up and you will react in ways you didn't think possible, which may or may not include spanking.

    Basically play it by ear. When it's time for punishment, you will know what feels like the right thing to do.

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  • pizzabrowniesushi
    8 years ago

    As a former bratty kid, I was more scared of my mom who didn't spank me. she did this look and this voice which scared the shit outta me. fyi the women was 4'11 and weighed about 90 pounds but man could she be an intimidating little thing.

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  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    Why don't you wait till the child is out of the womb before you start discussing punishment methods.

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    • LittleGirlGagedAndRaped
      8 years ago

      You make it way too obvious Short... Waaaaaaay too obvious

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      • Short4Words
        8 years ago

        That's what I'm here for

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        • LittleGirlGagedAndRaped
          8 years ago

          I guess we have something in common

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  • nodramapromqueen
    8 years ago

    screaming yelling being in a constant state of anger and demeaning the kid to the point their body tenses up when you come into a room and thinking you are in competition with your child for everyone's attention is way worse. trust me I have lived it with my dad.

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