Want to masturbate but not sure how? iin?

Alright. I'll start off by saying I was sexually fucked up ever since I was a small child, around 5-ish. No, I was never molested nor abused, but I just always had a strange mind. Very strange.

Now, I'm older (duh), and my thoughts are more elaborate and thought-out. It's mainly with anime/hentai, as looking at images of 'real' people freak me out - though, I've gotten somewhat used to it now.

So, often before I take a nap or sleep, my thoughts become sexual and I get pretty horny. It is impossible for me to stimulate myself while not getting ready for sleep.

-Today was the first time I actually tried to touch myself. I'd thought about those 'things' for many years, but never had the lady-balls to do anything. So, once again, today was my first time trying.
I went in the shower in the morning and tried to rub my breasts (they are very small. I read up on a guide on how to have them grow naturally, so it's still a work-in-progress).
I felt absolutely nothing. A few hours later today (at night)I tried again. This time I had all the lights in my shower off except for a dim red light, and the window open.
I had rubbed some body lotion soap over me (it was white, so I tried to imagine it was semen, except for the fact that I obviously couldn't lick it), and I mainly tried working with my breasts and nipples.
Not much fun there, so I tried touching my pussy...problem is, I'm still too chicken to do anything. I tried touching it, but I don't know where to touch..
The shower is very small, and so I turned off the water for a bit. I was still slimy and covered in the soap,so I was sliding my body all over the bottom.
When nothing worked, I took the bottle of the soap-lotion and placed it between my legs, trying to rub it against...something. Still, it didn't work.
Honestly, I have no idea what to do.

If you could be of any help, that'd be appreciated. Also, I'd love to learn how to finger myself or something, but I'm afraid of breaking the 'curtain' there.. A pun, I truly an ''pussy''-ing out.

Later tonight, since I don't feel like going to the shower again, I'm just going to lay in my bed naked except for a pair of long stockings. I'll use a normal body lotion and try doing something, but honestly, I need tips on how to touch 'down there'.

My main goal is to make myself cum, but once again, I need help. Sorry for this being so long...thank you.