Upper class white guy / black girls

I am a white man who is incredibly attracted to some black women but this attraction has been unrequited. As a white guy who grew up in wealthy suburbia, I was never exposed to any non-white people - bar visits to the "dirty old city", or a neighbor with an old dark-skinned maid. But once I reached the later stages of puberty, I started being attracted to black girls, fantasizing whenever I could get a glimpse - or better yet, catch the enticing scent - of a pretty black girl. I have never dated or even kissed a black girl or woman and I am now turning 30, being rather secluded in white upper (middle) class surroundings, from white colleges to a PhD program in which the few black girls exclusively dated black guys - even if that meant for them, in the extreme, dating High School Dropouts. I am now an Associate Professor at an elite university - which I do not reveal unless queried - but black women, and only black women, even seem to find that discomforting.

Whenever I have tried to approach a black girl, it has ended in utter rejection. I went on dates, on which I was told that the girl only ever dated black guys and felt uncomfortable with me. I was often rejected even in the mildest approach, whereas white and asian women have approached and seduced me relentlessly for the past decade.

I am athletic with broad shoulders, a little over 6 ft, have a Princeton PhD, and am routinely coveted by attractive white and asian women from 'good' backgrounds. I also have dark red (auburn) hair - don't know if that is attractive to whites/asians but not blacks?? But black women won't even become buddies of mine, let alone consider dating me - including one with whom I was passionately, emotionally infatuated and who ended up casually telling me that she could not imagine having sex with a white man, for personal and historical reasons (?!). She ended up moving in with a black man, who happened to be a 'waste collector' and who left bruises on her face.

It is rather depressing and I wonder whether I would even know how to pleasure a black woman, although I am confident in my ability to sexually satisfy white and asian women (insert penis joke). I may surmise that, in my experience at least, the barrier to white male-black female dating has been the attitude of black women. But some white guys, many of them poorer and less educated, do attract black girls - why not me?

Is it normal that black women, and only black women, ignore me?

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 287 votes (109 yes)
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Comments ( 29 )
  • psm45

    Back in the days of slavery the white master kept the black woman he was attracted to in a special house with him. Then he worked the black man an treated him like a dog until the black woman was no longer attractted to the black man, hince he'd have her all to himself. Becauce that white wife of his had nothing compared to physic of that gorgeous ebony.

    So youre normal. You Horny lil devil

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  • SullenGirl

    I wish I'd found you before she did:(

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  • lovely3211

    Wooooow. Its funny how people act like black girls/women are like some whole other species by ourselves. We are women, we have boobs, booty, and a vagina just like every other woman of any race. So treat us like that, if you focus so much on the fact that we're black you're gonna mess up some how. Just have confidence, confident effects everything. They way you walk the way you approach a black girl and definitely the way you have sex with a black women. People are going to like what they want and its not just black women but everyone. So if one girl isny interested in you who cares, on to the next one. :))) best of luck to you

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  • Surprise

    Well I'm a black female(Nigerian American) and based on what you are saying I feel nothing is wrong with you but I feel some of the african American girls you are bumping to are just reserving themselves for african American men or may think you have a fetish. Some african American women sometimes get very sensitive and jump into conclusions when white men approach them cause of the racial issues in America, and they mix preference with fetishes when it comes to hearing white men are only attracted to black women. The funny part there are african American men(similar qualifications to you) that have only preferences for white women and have no problem with getting white women. One thing I will tell you is not to give up cause there are some african American women that are attracted to white men of your qualifications but here is some advise I would give you to help you out:

    1. Join interracial sites dedicated to black women/white men couples like beyond black and white or afrointroductions.com cause you will for sure see black women open and exclusively looking for white men like you

    2. Consider foreign black women from the Caribbean, Africa, Latin America and etc cause black women from those areas are more relaxed when it comes to dating and marrying white men. The issues you see african American women have when it comes to white men is non-existent with majority of foreign black women. Here are some examples:

    Foreign white men/foreign black women couples
    http://youtu.be/oZ52D-gQcgc
    http://youtu.be/uZq_T6n2fVY
    http://youtu.be/46xhFCXBMJs

    3. Study the behavior of the black women you are attracted to. Now it is always important to be yourself but sometimes the black women you are approaching may make a difference. If it is a foreign black women for the most part you will be fine but if it's a african American woman, go near the types that are racially neutral and relaxed, these types of black women have been raised, go to school and hang out with white people a lot cause they are exposed more to people of your community, examples of these types of women are people like Kerry Washington, mellody Hobson, Nicole beharie for example these women are classy and beautiful african American women but have either dated or dated/married white men.

    4. There's a black women by the name of christelyn karazin who has a site, and it's on Facebook and YouTube giving advise on black women and white men who want to date each other and she also speaks to people directly on helping out with that. This particular woman is also married to a white American man and has children with him so represents those type of relationships: http://youtu.be/H1Bcp_5smnM

    Any way good luck cause I feel some of the responses to you were just mean. As a Nigerian most of my black female friends from college in America are foreign and almost all have dated white men and few of them are married to foreign white men and white American men.

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    • ShelteredAcademic

      Thank you! Looking back at that old post, I do sound like a conceited douche. I guess I was just trying to talk myself up to counter the insecurity of rejection. But the story has a happy ending: once I stopped wondering what may be wrong with me or trying to push too hard or exoticizing black women and went on tinder, my first date was an English girl of Afro-Caribbean descent and we immediately connected. It turned out that she was and still is just as infatuated with me as I am with her! Yes, we're very different: I like blues, jazz, and hip hop and she is into musicals, pop, show tunes, and works for an opera. I am politically active and wear Black Lives Matter T-Shirts and she'll tag along to the Civil Rights Museum. We've been in love and dating for almost two years and I'm about to buy a house for us and ask her to marry me! Sending love and positive vibrations to the forum and the cosmos beyond. Xo

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      • Surprise

        You welcome and congratulations on finding your better half. May you and your fiancé live long and healthy lives together

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  • AvidLearner

    You may intimidate them. Just be yourself and go after a woman, regardless of race, based on her intellect, spirit, and personality. Also, don't be boring and stuffy. Advice from a brown doll;)

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  • Purevskb

    you haven't met the right one there's some.lonely black educated women asking the.same.thing.relax

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    • Surprise

      you and him should hook up

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  • First of all, not feelin the attitude. If any white/asians try to "seduce" you, it's because a white male at your status and with that attitude is a trophy. You're objectified and used for status, but i doubt you care. Anyways, there are areas that are wealthy AND black, so I suggest you move there to be a trophy husband of your dreams.

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  • Lol. You sound like a cocky conceited
    Prick. Duh. They think you're some
    Preppy conceited weirdo.

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  • thetimeofyourlife

    Massive douche

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  • galaktika1985

    Its totally not normal- I've liked so many white men before and none of them ever responded favorably. So I just stuck to dating black guys. I think sometimes you just fall into whats easiest. And you start thinking that white/black guys and girls are not into you..... thats not true- I've recently learnt that sometimes people just become too afraid and lazy to branch out into something new. Im proud to say that if I was afraid I would not be this happy. Im in love with a gorgeous white man and its been a ling time since ive felt that comfortable with anyone. You'll find the perfect person in the weirdest places at the oddest time. So dont freak out about how long the journey is, or how unresponsive some women are. And dont force the situation either.... good luck!!!

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  • Maybe if you cut back on your pompous assiness.

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  • Black_Female

    Well, as a black female, having been in similar situations where I have shunned the thought of going through with a relationship with a white male, you have to understand there IS a historical issue that remains unresolved for the most part. The black women you were almost involved with, I'm sure they were attracted to you as you were to them (if you are as you describe, there's nothing wrong with you as a person if that's what you're wondering), it's just the racism of your culture and the history that you, unfortunately, represent. It's hard to ignore rampant injustice, especially for any black person who experiences it daily, let alone get into a relationship with the person(s) afflicting it. Not that you're personally responsible, but bystanders don't tend to make much of a difference either way, so why treat yourself to one when you're constantly under attack. I hope that sheds a little light on the issue.

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    • ShelteredAcademic

      I understand both the horrors of colonialism, slavery, and the continuation of a system of disadvantage based on race. On the other hand, I will never know what it feels like to be afflicted by this reality personally. But since I found love with a black girl and we've moved in together and travel a lot, I have become more aware of racist attitudes towards us and the bitter aftertaste of encountering prejudice. More importantly, though, we are happy together and prefer to live by setting an example than to live with blinders or let racists prevail. In Barcelona an elderly woman shook her head and spat on the street in disgust at the sight of us affectionately strolling and holding hands. Yes, it's ugly but I pity these myopic, narrow-minded people whose absurd prejudice prevents them from exploring and accepting the entire beautiful spectrum of humanity.

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      • SullenGirl

        I wish I'd found you before she did:(

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  • BelleLilly

    Well for one you come off as an annoying egotistical man who has know idea how to talk to a woman who doesn't want you for money. It's sad really. Black Women prefer men who know what they want. You are just used to women just going after you.... Sorry that won't happen with a black woman. Take charge, don't rub your bank status in her face. Even with more intellectuak black women they want to know you not your ego. Best advice: don't treat them differently from any other women. But if you want a black woman that acts like she's white.... then you should have no problem looking in the same places you're from

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  • slimm

    I fail to understand how a man interested in an interracial relationship, becomes a fetish? Its rude and degrading and many levels. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you just because a few women rejected you. Its life. It happens. Move on to the next girl. It also disturbs me that you keep referring to how educated and suburbanized you are in comparison to these black men. I black and live in the suburbs and I have dated a white guy, and I couldn't have given two effs about his race or social class

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  • rose7

    maybe u can join a dating site aimed at it or something. I know there are black women out there who like white guys, cause im a black girl and i would date a guy from any race as long as he was decent, sweet and funny, and cute wouldnt hurt either lol. Good luck.

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  • tootit

    im a blk girl all i like is wht guys i have a bi racial and ever since i was 18 and was exposed to the taboo of life i prefer wht guys any day im 21 now and its still going strong i need to meet you lol

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  • JoJoJoy21

    Maybe you should try a different approach. Perhaps you intimidate them? Just like every other fetish, I am sure there are plenty of black women out there who have a white men fetish.

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  • doomiedoom

    haha!! you make me laugh :)

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  • ew. you have had bad taste....and you're personality doesn't seem all that great either.

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    • ShelteredAcademic

      I was in a crappy mood after feeling rejected. So let's just mark the self-aggrandisement down to insecurity. But my taste in women is impeccable (for me) and I found a beautiful partner who is the kindest person I've ever met.

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    • Surprise

      He has bad taste cause he has preferences for black women. You just sound mean ignorant

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  • MisterPanic

    I think black women are more attracted to black men, same for white/asian people. This doesn't mean black women aren't attracted to white guys at all, you're probably just unlucky.

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    • AngAnders112

      "I think black women are more attracted to black men, same for white/asian people"

      are you saying white and asian people are more attracted to black me to?

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      • MisterPanic

        No, I think people are attracted to their own race more than other races.

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